Clone Story
by DehNutCase
Summary: Takes the perspective of one of the clones summoned on the night of the Forbidden Scroll Heist, who decides to stick around. Likely to stick quite close to cannon plot-wise. (Setting is 'slightly' AU) Rated M because people die when they are killed.
1. Chapter 1

"What's wrong? Weren't you going to kill me with one shot?" shouted a cacophony of voices.

Wow, boss really outdone himself this time, there must be at least a thousand of us in this clearing. Too bad that means I won't get a chance to beat on that bastard Mizuki, since I'm pretty much the furthest from the bastard. His stupefied expression is really funny to watch though. With that thought, I climbed up the tree behind me to get a better view even as the other clones rushed in to beat the everlasting stuffing out of the idiot.

… Man the view is great from up here, it's like I'm actually punching and kicking Mizuki myself, I swear I can see and hear even the tiniest details, like the way the bastard's ribs cracked slightly as one of the other clones punched hard enough to dispel himself. In fact, I can distinctly remember seeing a foot planting itself on Mizuki's back, even though I'm facing Mizuki from the front, hmm, weird. Oh well, shelving that thought for later, I proceeded to enjoy the rest of the Mizuki's beating. … I wish I had some ramen to go with this view, yeah, a large bowl of pork ramen followed by a bowl of miso sounds great right now.

Dazed by the thought of the divine deliciousness that is ramen, (and possibly drooling a little,) I almost missed it when the rest of the clones dispelled themselves after beating Mizuki-bastard for a thoroughly enjoyable fifteen minutes. Something snapped me out of it though, so I was paying complete attention as Iruka-sensei made boss close his eyes and swapped boss's goggles with his own hitai-ate and promised boss a bowl of ramen, God I am so damn jealous right now, though I'm not sure if it's because of the hitai-ate or the promise of ramen, probably both.

As Iruka-sensei led boss to Ichiraku's I wondered what I should do with myself, I don't feel like dispelling myself since I didn't actually _do_ anything aside from watching boss and the gang pummel Mizuki-bastard. Jumping down from the tree I was perched on, I absent-mindedly kicked Mizuki in the stomach while heading roughly towards the center of the village, still considering what to do.

Barely paying any attention to the road, and yet still managing to avoid the attention of any of the patrolling ninja, (seriously, what's wrong with these people? I'm wearing _bright orange_ and they still can't see me when I'm not even paying attention to dodging the patrols? Do I have to hold up a sign for them or what?) I absentmindedly caught a glimpse of my self in the glass display shelves of a clothing store, and immediately froze. At first I couldn't tell why though, I mean, sure it's the same clothing store where boss bought our _awesome_ jumpsuit, but that's nothing worth stopping over. So I stood there for around five minutes trying to figure out what made me stop, until I looked at my cheeks and … stopped. Still dazed, I semi-consciously moved my hands into a ram seal and muttered: "Kai," trying to dispel the genjutsu like the Academy taught, belatedly realizing that I might be dispelling myself too.

… Fortunately my dumb-ass move didn't make my commit accidental suicide. Unfortunately, my cheeks remained the same, still missing the 3 whisker marks on each cheek I remember since forever. I'm guessing I was still kind of dazed at the moment since my next dumb-ass move was to pinch myself in cheeks, fortunately, that apparently wasn't a hard enough 'hit' to dispel me, but the pain convinced me that this isn't a dream. (Although seriously, what kind of messed up dream would have boss dreaming about being a clone that's missing our whisker marks?)

Okay, calm down, calm down, this isn't the end of the world, I'm just a clone, whatever caused this probably doesn't matter in the long run. Although now that I think about it, it might be a good idea to _not_ look like boss while walking around tonight, it might get him in trouble or something. For the same reason, I don't want to henge into old-man Hokage or Iruka-sensei either, though I'd definitely have to get boss to walk around as the Hokage as a prank sometime, hmm, maybe I'll sneak a note into boss's apartment? Anyway, after racking my brain for a few more minutes, (damn, I feel like a girl for standing in front of a mirror so long, kind of ironic considering what I'm about to do next) I decided to henge into Naruko. (With my jumpsuit on, of course, everyone would assume boss was behind it if a naked blond girl was walking around the village … why do I sense that I'm making some white haired perverts very happy with that thought?)

Oddly enough, I'm missing my whisker marks as Naruko too, though I probably would've removed them anyway to differentiate me from boss, following that thought, I untied my twin-tails and retied my hair into a ponytail, noting absently that I look kind of like Ino, only without her bangs. Unfortunately, I realized that I would probably still be linked to boss due my jumpsuit, and with a sigh I modified the henge so that I'm wearing a collared yellow shirt and an orange skirt instead, dammit, I loved that jumpsuit. At least I'm still wearing orange though. As an afterthought, I added a hitai-ate to my henge, (hey if boss gets one, I get one too, we're basically the same person anyway) wearing it around my neck. Satisfied that I wouldn't get boss into trouble due to my appearance, I started towards boss's apartment.

Huh … wonder why there's a team of ANBU around boss's apartment tonight, shouldn't they be (failing) to guard the forbidden scroll or something? Anyway, I snuck into boss's apartment without trouble. (Seriously, these guys are the best of the best? I shudder to imagine how they'd catch enemy-nin trying to sneak by _without_ wearing bright orange.) Hmm, feels like it's about mid-night right now, boss probably won't wake even if an earthquake dropped the ceiling on him. With that thought, I proceeded boil a kettle of water and grabbed four packets of ramen from the cupboard. (Gotta have your priorities straight, it _is_ a dangerous world of ninja after all.) While waiting the three minutes for the ramen to be done, (instant my ass) I wrote a note to the effect of:

"Hey boss, you should totally henge into the Old-Man sometime and prank the village, also, I ate all the ramen in your cupboard.

Signed,

Clone"

Of course I wouldn't _actually_ eat all the ramen, I'm not that evil, tempting though that thought may be. That's not stopping me from grabbing the empty ramen packets lying around and hiding the rest of the unopened ramen behind them though, if I can't prank myself, who _can_ I prank? Heh. While enjoying the delicious holy food that is ramen, (I absently noted that it tasted like 3 packets of pork ramen and 1 packet of miso ramen … what? I'm a connoisseur.) I wondered about what I'm going to do next, I mean, how long do Shadow-Clones last anyway? I've been walking around for hours now, and boss's previous clones never needed to last beyond 15 minutes or so. I kept thinking about that as I checked the fridge for something else to eat, (although, do clones even _need_ to eat? I mean, I'd eat ramen no matter what, but do I need to drink water and stuff?) absently tossing out the expired milk. Eh, screw it, thinking is boss's job. (I'll admit that's kind of ironic, considering boss's tendency to act _without_ thinking like ninety-percent of the time.)

I guess I'll clean the place up a bit while I'm here though, it's not like clones need sleep or anything, so I guess I can keep going the entire night. (Why did that feel like it came out wrong somehow?)

…

…

…

WHY THE HELL IS THIS PLACE SO CLUTTERED. I've been cleaning for five _hours_ now and I'm still not done, I swear, boss needs to tidy up once in a while. Ugh, well at least I'm almost done though, just need to move all the trash to the apartment dumpster. Too bad the dumpster felt like it was five miles away with all the damn trash I'm carrying. I'll just rest here for little, like for a year or so, while I recover the energy spent in the war-on-terrible-trash.

"Hey! Why are you lying next to the dumpster?" A distinctly girlish voice shouted.

… Crap. What the hell self? You can sneak past ANBU like they're chumps but you can't sense fresh academy graduate? Okay, stay calm, pretend to be a girl, and get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. Ugh, how do I pretend to be a girl? Crap,crap,crap-

"Hello? Are you ignoring me? That's rude you know!" and now Ino's getting pissed, dammit. Ugh, screw it; I'll just mimic that weird girl in boss's class.

"Ano… I'm terribly sorry, I was just resting for a bit and didn't notice you." I said while simultaneously standing up and pressing my forefingers together.

It would be kind of funny how quickly Ino's expression morphed from righteous anger to _dawww_ if I wasn't so damn panicked right now. On the plus side, it seems that my panic is allowing me to think faster than normal, okay, now just feed her some crap about some urgent business and leave, self. Huh, is it just me or do I have a damn good poker face now? I don't think any of my panic is showing at all, must be the henge I guess.

"Ah, well, that's fine then, but what are you doing here anyway?" In retrospect, I probably should've kept talking, right now Ino probably thinks: a, I'm a cute girl she doesn't know, and thus her gossip senses are tingling, and b, if she keeps asking questions she'll probably get some really juicy gossip to spread around while working at her family's flower shop. Ex. right now, dammit.

"Ah … I was just cleaning our apartment, but … it's really far away so I had to lie down for a bit after I carried the trash here." Oh god, now she has that glint in her eyes, what the hell did I just say?

"_Our_ apartment? Who do you live with? Is it a guy? Is he cute? Is-" I tuned out the rest of the rapid fire barrage of probing questions in order to better focus on my panic, okay, how the hell do I get myself out of this damn situation? Hmm … doesn't that weird girl faint all the time? Guess I'll try that then. Cue me falling backwards.

"Oh! Hey! Are you okay!? Hello? Hello?" Okay, the shaking my body bit isn't exactly helping me pretend to be unconscious here Ino.

"Ugh, I better go get someone." And with that, Ino left to get some help, or maybe another gossiper to help with her questioning, I'll give it a fifty-fifty chance of either.

Phew, breathing a sigh of relief, I immediately flipped myself up and ran back towards the apartment. Huh, boss is leaving right now, doesn't it usually take longer than that for him to get ready? Eh, I guess since everything is organized now it probably took less time for him to get dressed and have breakfast. … That or he's just so excited to get his shinobi license picture taken that he skipped breakfast? Whatever, boss rushed past me without sparing me a second glance, meaning it's probably the latter. Arrgh, that means I missed his reaction to the note about all his ramen being eaten! Dammit me, what's the point of doing pranks if you aren't around to see the results? Amateur hour mistake man.

Slipping into his apartment, I noted that the note was lying on the table where I left it, completely untouched, huh, guess boss rushed out right after getting dressed then, meaning I'd still have another chance to catch his response. Leaving that for later, it seems like I need to modify my henge again if I want to walk around the village, since I have a feeling pretending to be a girl is going to be … troublesome, considering I've probably got Ino's sights on me. Eh screw it, boss can deal with the fallout if I get caught wandering around the village, with that thought I moved my hands into a ram seal and dispelled my henge.

Knowing boss, he's probably going to spend at least three hours trying to decide on a look for the picture, so I guess I might as well go get some throwing practice to kill time. That in mind, I headed out from the apartment again, wandering around Konoha in search of an empty training ground, picking up a dozen dropped kunai and shuriken from the outskirts of occupied training grounds on the way, until I finally found an empty training ground, I believe it's training ground fourteen.

Twirling an kunai from my equipment pouch absently, I mused that it feels identical the kunai I picked up from the training grounds, odd, considering it's an shadow clone of a kunai rather than the real thing. Though I do wonder how useful shadow clone kunai would be, considering that some of boss's clones managed to dispel themselves from hitting Mizuki too hard, what if the kunai dispel just from hitting its target? With that in mind, I threw the kunai towards a nearby post, watching its graceful arc as it flew towards the wooden post, burying itself a full two inches in the wood, and confirming its usefulness as a weapon.

Satisfied with the investigation, I threw another kunai from my equipment pouch and watched as it flew in the, exact, same, arc, as my previous kunai, bouncing off the other kunai's ring with a faint 'ping' sound. Okay, what the hell, I don't remember boss's aim being this good, and logically I shouldn't have that good an aim either. Taking out another kunai, (just in case it's dumb luck) I threw and watched it bounce off the first kunai again.

… Well on the bright side, it looks like I won't have to practice kunai throwing ever again. Reaching for a shuriken instead this time, I tossed it at the embedded kunai and gave it a deadpan stare as it bounced off the ring end of the kunai. Great, apparently being a clone gave me perfect aim or something. Well there goes that idea of killing time. I guess I can always practice my ninjutsu though.

Considering I've been walking around in a henge for most of my 'life' and that boss sucked at the Bunshin I decided to start with the Kawarimi, or Body Replacement Technique for you fancy nerds out there, moving quickly through the five hand seals, I summoned a log from … where the heck does the log come from anyway? While I'm perfectly capable of swapping with anything in sight with the Kawarimi, the default usage always summons a log for some reason, even if it's an inappropriate place for a log to be, I mean, sure I guess a ninja academy would be a pretty typical place for a substitution log to be, but I distinctly remember boss using Kawarimi in hot springs and book stores before, and especially that one time in the Konoha library after painting all the walls orange. Heh, good times, no idea why they banned boss for life after that, orange is a _wonderful _color.

I guess it could always be a chakra construct like me I suppose, but considering that the log is supposed to take hits intended to kill the target, it seems unlikely that it would be something that dispels from a heavy hit. Eh, I seem to vaguely recall Iruka-sensei lecturing about this actually, something about the Book of Log? Well if I don't remember it, it probably isn't important. Considering I remember more stuff about the boss's life than boss for some reason, since I actually remember some of Iruka-sensei's lectures that I think boss _slept_ through. (Admittedly the major imports and exports of the five elemental countries are boring as hell; I'm almost falling asleep just remembering it.) I mean, unless boss actually remembers that lecture too, in which case I wonder why he didn't sleep through _all_ the lessons of the academy.

Well, I guess I should try the Bunshin next, it would probably feel really odd for boss if he ended up as Hokage without knowing how to do an academy level jutsu. Hmm, what were the hand seals again? You'd think after all those hours boss put in practicing this it'd be second nature by now, oh right, I think it was Ram, Snake, Tiger. Gathering up some chakra, I moved slowly through the hand seals until … god dammit, why the hell is the clone dead looking. Seriously, how is that even possible? It's not like the basic Bunshin is solid or anything, so what could _possibly _cause them to be dead looking? Frustrated, I kicked at the clone, dispelling it as my foot passed through its face, and pratfalling as it passed through without being impeded. Oh, right, non-corporal. At least no one was around to see that though.

Well on the bright side, there's no possible way that I'm going to fail at a technique that I maintained for half my 'life.' With that buoying thought, I moved quickly through the three hand seals for the technique (probably unnecessary at this point, since I remember the necessary chakra manipulation for the Henge almost perfectly now) and transformed into my previous appearance. Hmm, I should probably go find a mirror or something, I mean, it's basically impossible for me to fail this technique, but you know what they say about pride.

So I ran north, recalling that there was a remarkably clear stream in that direction and stopped there in order to double check my reflections. Hmm, pony-tail, check, yellow shirt, check, orange (cheers) skirt, check, looks pretty much perfect to me. (Because really, what could possibly have gone wrong with the Henge? I know this jutsu like the back of my hand, and not just because it is the back of my hand right now.)

I guess I deserve this. Was my initial thought as I became surrounded by smoke and, more importantly, naked, the worst part being, this stream is pretty popular due to the clarity of its waters, in fact, I think I hear a faint "Yessss…!" off in the distance. With remarkable deliberateness, I slowly moved my hands into a Ram seal and muttered: "Kai."

… Yeah, I didn't think that would work either, still stuck in the transformation, I panicked south (read, my mind was going crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, and my mouth was probably doing the same) and started searching for cover. Fortunately, before I can finalize my thoughts about committing suicide just to stop being stuck as a naked Naruko, my henged clothes reappeared and at least twenty distinct memories of messing with a closet pervert slammed into my head. On the plus side, I'm not naked anymore, on the minus side, if boss ever has to 'deal' with Ebisu again I'm liable to turn into a naked Naruko no matter what I was doing at the time. Although this _does_ explain why I can remember seeing that foot planted on Mizuki's back, it was probably the memory of a clone who kicked a bit too hard and dispelled himself. I wonder why I'm getting the memories of dispelled Shadow Clones though.

But that's not important right now, what _is_ important is that boss is probably going to make a dramatic speech to Konohamaru before heading off into the sunset or something. (I know boss is going to do that because I'd totally do that in a similar situation.) And if I don't hurry, boss would make it back to his apartment and read the note before I can get close enough to hear his response. Because of this, I rushed back towards boss's apartment without remembering to remove my Henge or acting to avoid the notice of the people in the streets.

Well I made it before boss, that's good, unfortunately, my cleaning the apartment earlier destroyed most of the hiding spots where I can easily observe his reaction. (I mean seriously, a stack of dirty laundry taller than I am? I didn't even know boss _owned _that many clothes.) I guess I can always hide under the bed though, but I'd only be able to hear his reaction rather than watch it from there.

… And there boss coming through, (seriously, when we're not sneaking we're louder than the entire horde of Sasuke's fangirls combined) I guess just hearing it is better than being dispelled or something before the prank goes off. So I hurried under the bed and waited for his reaction.

Footsteps, footsteps, footsteps, sound of boss putting a kettle of water on the stove, (for ramen, obviously, now there's a person who has his priorities straight) rustle of paper on wood, "Heh, yeah, I've gotta do that sometime," followed by: "WHAT!?" and frantic searching sounds (mainly of the cupboards being opened and closed) and "Dammit, I'm never making a single shadow clone ever again! They're pure evil I tell you, pure evil!" (It's becoming increasingly difficult to hold my laughter in at this point) until he starting sobbing out: "… ramen, whyyyyyyy! I loved you so … why hast thou forsaken thee." … And now I'm starting to feel bad. "…ramen" *hiccup* *sob* "… ramen" … Okay this is getting ridiculous, my mind made up, I carefully extricated myself from below the bed and made my way into the kitchen, where I saw boss curled up in fetal position sobbing about ramen.

"… Dammit boss, calm down, it's not the end of the world." I mean, if _all_ the ramen really _was_ gone it would be, but even if all the ramen in boss's apartment were gone, it's not like he can't just buy more from the nearby convenience store.

"..But" *sob* "the ramen…" *hiccup* "it's all gone! IT'S ALL GONE!" And it looks like boss moved past depression into anger, I'd better calm him down fast or get the hell out of dodge. Is it just me or is boss's eyes becoming redder, and … slitted? Okay I'm starting to see visions of my death now, (though on the bright side, some of those deaths involved _ramen_) if I don't calm boss down quickly everyone's probably going to think the Kyuubi broke free of his seal of something. And it probably doesn't help that boss is standing on all fours like a wild beast either.

"Look boss, just calm down, the waters boiled" I can actually hear the whistling sound, it's getting pretty loud actually, "why don't you just calm down and I'll make you some ramen."

"Ramen?" Okay, boss's stare is getting really creepy now, like he's vowing to hold me in a cell and only feed me anti-ramen (…shudder… Sushi … shudder) for the rest of my life if I'm lying or something. Okay, careful now, no sudden moves, don't want to be trapped eating anti-ramen for the rest of my life.

"Yes ramen." I replied, moving slowly past boss to get to one of the cupboards, opening it, (boss's stare gets really suspicious at this point, I would be too, considering boss just checked those cupboards) I carefully brushed aside the empty ramen packages to reveal the other (full! uneaten!) ramen packages behind the layer of camouflage. Okay, looks like he's starting to calm down, the killing intent is starting to lessen, though the boss's eyes are still red. Taking out four of the unopened packages I carefully (I don't' want to imagine what would happen if I accidentally ruined the ramen at this point in time) set them on the table and went to grab the bowl I used (and washed) yesterday, as well as the kettle of boiling water. With the most care I have ever treated ramen, (and that's saying something, considering I'm a clone of Uzumaki _Naruto_) I opened the ramen packets, carefully putting the noodles, the contents of the spice packets, the dried vegetable packets, and the whatever the third packet is into the bowl, equally carefully, I poured enough boiling water into the bowl to fill it almost to the brim.

Phew, okay, you managed to setup the ramen, and you didn't damn yourself to a life of anti-ramen in the meantime, good job. "So … how was your day?" I asked boss, who still looked like he's ready to vow eternal vengeance if the ramen isn't the best thing he ever tasted. (God the next three minutes are going to be so freaking awkward.)

…

…

…

"So yeah, my day was good too, sure I randomly turned naked and I'm pretty sure I was seen by a pervert but I had four packets of ramen earlier today so it's all good." Dammit mouth, that was not the right thing to say, the killing intent is back now. Quick brain, find something to say before boss decides to make you eat sushi for the rest of your existence, which would probably be as long as boss could make it.

"So … learned any cool jutsus recently? I think you managed beat a special Jounin with a new technique?" Okay, no longer getting visions of my death anymore, and boss's eyes' are starting to return to normal too, and he's just looking slightly confused rather than murderous now.

"Comon, go sit down on the chair, I think the noodles are almost done." They better be done by now, (this is probably the closest I will ever get to _threatening_ ramen, but it's kind of an extreme situation right now) it feels like we spent three days trapped (well _I_ was trapped anyway) in the kitchen.

So boss slowly got up, still emitting some kind of aura, though fortunately not killing intent anyway, though it still screams 'Be freaking careful' to anyone feeling it. And he slowly sat down on the chair next to the bowl of ramen, and then slowly, very slowly, (I'd say _hesitantly_ if this wasn't _Boss_ and it wasn't _Ramen_) picked up the pair of chopsticks I left in the bowl and started slurping the noodles.

The noodles must've been as good as ramen always is, because as soon as boss fully registered the taste (So when about an entire packet is gone, this _is_ ramen and he _is_ boss after all) he let out a bellowing: "Yatta!" and proceeded to dig in with even more gusto, if that's even possible.

Knowing that it's safe to move now, I refilled the kettle and put it on the stove again, grabbing another bowl, another pair of chopsticks, and another four packets of ramen from the still open cupboard, closing it after me. "Okay boss, I know how delicious and tasty it is, but you should still slow down before you set the air on fire or something with how fast you're eating the noodles." I told him while setting my luggage down on the other side of the table.

Whether he was listening to me or not (probably not, considering he's starting at the ramen like a lover believed to be dearly departed) he did slow down enough to start talking in between mouthfuls. "So, uh, why are you in my room, and who are you anyway?"

…

…

…

I have no idea how he did it, but boss somehow managed to render me speechless _and_ thoughtless for at least twenty seconds with that statement.

"… Boss, how the hell do you not recognize one of your clones?"

"Well, aside from hair and eye color you don't look like me at all, for one, you're a girl, thought I guess you could've been one of the Harem no Jutsu girls I created earlier? But you don't have any whisker marks, and you're fully clothed, not to mention that I don't remember leaving any clones walking around." Huh, well thought out and logical, who are you and what have you done with boss?

"Who are you and what have you done with boss?"

A full sixty seconds must have passed while we gave each other deadpan stares, which was ended by the whistle of boiling water. After which we immediately broke off into laughter. Chuckling as I got up to make _my_ (my precious, hissssss, wow I have no idea where that came from) ramen, the atmosphere became even more relaxed and we spent the three minutes waiting for my ramen to be done in comfortable silence.

"Anyway, I was one of the clones you summoned to beat up Mizuki the other day, boss was awesome by the way, since I didn't actually do anything, too far back, I just hopped into a tree and watched, which is probably why you don't remember leaving me to walk around." I said between bites of ramen.

"So you just hung out the entire time? I didn't know shadow clones lasted that long"

I shrugged, "Me neither, anyway, can I stay in your apartment until I dispel naturally? I don't think clones need sleep so you can keep the bed and I'll just stay up cleaning like last night or reading academy scroll or something."

"So that was you? I was wondering why something felt different."

My response was a (sort of) well deserved deadpan stare, considering it would be idiotic to miss the five-foot tall piles of trash and dirty laundry. We both know boss was joking though, so I continued: "So, can I stay? I think I'm going to fix some of the broken pipes tonight, I think I saw something I can use for that when I was searching around for an empty training ground earlier."

"You didn't have to ask you know. Considering you probably knew my response was gonna be yes, especially considering how you knew I wouldn't mind you eating _reasonable_ amounts of ramen."

"Yeah, haha, sorry about that, I thought you'd notice the unopened ramen after a few minutes, I'll washes the dishes for you as an apology though." Though admittedly, I wasn't all _that_ repentant, especially considering that I know, _know_, that he's already plotting to get me back for the prank later.

After draining the last of the soup he left the bowl and chopsticks on the table. Saluting me with a: "Thanks, and see you tomorrow?"

I shrugged again: "Unless I dispel randomly for some reason, I doubt it though, I feel like I'm full capacity, fuller, even, than when I was created, which is kinda odd."

"Yeah, I guess we'll have to find out why later, tomorrow though. G'night" And with that, he crawled into the bed, and, knowing boss, fell asleep immediately.


	2. Chapter 2

"You know boss, this is the kind of stuff that made everyone in class think you're a moron."

"Shut up you, you're basically me, so insulting me is like insulting yourself."

I just shook my head, amused. "Sure, keep telling yourself that, and if you said that to anyone else Old Man Hokage would probably have you committed."

"So are you going to help get me down or what?" Huh, and I honestly thought he was hanging up there to be funny.

"Shouldn't you be able to get down on your own? I distinctly remember Iruka-sensei mentioning the Rope Escape Technique at least three times or so."

"…" Boss mumbled something.

"Can you repeat that boss? I couldn't quite catch that." I have an idea of what it is though, since I seem to recall boss sleeping through those lessons. I guess this means boss really _can't _remember stuff he slept through though.

"… I said, I slept though those lessons, alright? Now get me down from here!" Damn boss, if you're going to be touchy about that kind of thing maybe you should make sure the lesson really _isn't_ relevant before dozing off.

I shrugged before bringing my hands into the oddly familiar cross shaped hand seal (probably because I get the memory of boss using it from _every_ shadow clone he makes, though I've never used it myself) and summoned a shadow clone, instructing it to Kawarimi with the boss before dispelling itself.

"Huh, that was odd." I started after the clone got boss down.

"What is?" Boss asked absentmindedly as he started gathering up the ninja wire he trapped himself in earlier.

I shook my head slightly. "It's just … the Kage Bunshin Jutsu is supposed to split my chakra evenly right? And I even felt myself losing half of my reserves, but it returned instantly after my clone dispelled itself. Wonder why it's even classified as a kinjutsu due to its chakra cost if it returns itself fully after being canceled." Because seriously, an infinitely spammable Jutsu that creates fully capable copies of yourself as long as you meet the minimum chakra requirement? That's a seriously broken technique right there.

Boss just gave a 'heck if I know' gesture, putting the gathered wire back into the box they were originally kept in before stuffing it into the closet. "I don't know about you, but I've always had to wait for a bit before my chakra replenished itself, not very long, mind you. Probably because of the damn fuzz-ball, but not instantly either."

"Weird, anyway, how _did_ you managed to get yourself trapped like that anyway? I mean, how did you even manage to hold the wire up in the air like that anyway? There aren't even any hooks in bedroom!" While I have a pretty good guess about why boss was tossing about in his sleep hard enough to entangle himself, I have a feeling boss wants to talk about it exactly as much as I do. (Not at all, for those of you wondering)

"Who knows? Maybe I'm just that awesome!" Boss bragged with that (fake, _fake_) smile of his, which never quite lights up his eyes, though I doubt anyone ever cared enough to check. Ugh, it must've been really bad for boss to act like that even about something only tangentially related.

Deciding discretion to be the better part of valor, I changed the topic, "So … tomorrow's team assignment right? Who do you think you're going to get a Jonin-sensei?"

Boss shrugged, then grinned (a real one this time), "Who knows? It's probably going to be someone awesome though, I doubt they'll hand the 'Last Uchiha' (complete with finger quotes, kinda hilarious to see boss making that gesture with a grimace) anyone but the best. And considering everyone that's a Jonin knows about me, they'll probably stuff me with someone expected to be capable of subduing an out of control Bijuu." Boss rolled his eyes at this point.

Seriously, what the hell is going on with the council's thought process? It took the freaking Yondaime sacrificing himself to stop the Kyuubi last time, and he was the awesomest Hokage ever, and therefore the most awesome ninja ever. If boss ever does go completely wacko their best bet would probably be to kiss their asses goodbye. If some random Jonin, even if he/she is one of the best, could stop the Kyuubi, the Yondaime would still be around right now. (Dammit d … ugh, bad thoughts)

Eh, me and boss (or was that boss and I? never did pay attention to Iruka-sensei during _Japanese_ class_)_ both know the Council is filled with idiots anyway. "You know, I never did get the point of the whole class ranking thing, only a complete idiot (I winked at boss, and he growled at me) of a ninja would show everything he has, so the best ninja would pretty much definitely _not_ be in the top of the class." I kept my face completely still as I ended the sentence, subtly hinting that boss _wasn't_ one of the best, and boss gave me his best deadpan stare in reply.

"Eh, there's probably no helping it anyway, people see what they want to see, I doubt even Jonin would put in the actual effort in observing academy students in trying to gauge their true skills." Boss gave a minor shrug at this point "This way they'd at least get someone whose skills is a known quantity rather than anywhere from dead-last to kage level." Cue boss puffing out his chest, I just smacked him in the back of the head as I headed out the bedroom to prepare breakfast.

"Sorry about the lack of the milk, but the only thing you had was expired so I tossed it out yesterday." Considering boss was wolfing down the toast and fried eggs, I doubt he heard me. But if boss needed someone to pay attention to him as he talked he probably would've became a mute. So I just continued speaking towards the sound of him demolishing his breakfast: "You know, you should probably plant some vegetables in that garden of yours, or maybe some spices? I mean I know you avoid vegetables like the plague but considering you somehow managed to convince a chicken to live there planting some would give it a farm like vibe." I continued on that train of thought for about five minutes, stopping when boss finished and washed the whole thing down with a glass of water. (I think I was suggesting an expansion of a barn of milk cows and a stable for a farm horse at the time.)

"Alright! Watch out world! Uzumaki Naruto is coming at cha!" Boss shouted for the entire Fire Nation to hear. Well, at least I didn't pop due to burst eardrums, so that's a plus. "So, err … what're you doing today? I think I'm going to practice throwing my kunai and stuff since it's likely pointless to practice ninjutsu without a teacher." Boss pouted, thankfully a lot quieter. (For him, for anyone else it would probably be almost shouting.)

I shrugged (I get the feeling I'm going to be doing that a lot for some reason), "I'll probably join you after I go drop by to visit the Old Man, just summon and dispel a shadow clone when you find an empty training ground so I know where to go." And boss goes straight into his thinking face, it's probably part of the many (many, _many_) reasons that everyone thought he was an idiot back in the academy, since whenever he needed to think about something he makes it extremely obvious with that scrunched up face, and because he always keeps thinking past the immediate problem, it probably looked like he was slow on the uptake, taking his sweet time on even simple problems. Though it probably doesn't help that his solutions tends to be so outlandish and weak in the details that it generally seems like a hack job to anyone who doesn't know the ideas behind it.

"… huh … yeah okay, see you there then. Say hi for me." Boss muttered distractedly and shambled out of the apartment, still thinking about something. Note to self, be careful when joining boss, whatever he's thinking about is probably going to blow up in my face.

Keeping that thought in my mind, I walked distractedly up to the dresser and absently polished Iruka-sensei's Hitai-ate using a cloth left next to it probably for that exact purpose. (It still feels kind of weird thinking about the Hitai-ate as boss's, considering he's probably only worn it for all of an hour before leaving it there so it doesn't get scratched before the ceremony.) Checking the time, I noted that it's almost nine, just after the Old Man's daily paper work is delivered but about an hour before any non-urgent visitors would meet with him, heh, he'd probably appreciate the distraction.

With my goal in mind, I back-flipped out of boss's window and landed softly into a handstand after a 540° flip, grinning. (Let it never be known that Uzumaki Naruto, or a clone thereof, is one to avoid theatrics.) Righting myself, I headed towards the Hokage Tower at a brisk run. Allowing my instincts to guide my steps, I wondered about what I'm trying to accomplish by meeting with Old Man Hokage, I had the vague idea of getting him to sign off on a secondary identity for boss (considering the fact that the Henge no Jutsu is an academy Jutsu, I have a feeling this is, or should be, a common occurrence) especially since boss could probably maintain several identities simultaneously thanks to his shadow clones, unlike the hypothetical other ninja who would have to split their time between different identities. Besides, I have a feeling carrying around boss's shinobi ID isn't going to cut it if the village ninja ever tries to verify my identity. (Thought they'd have to catch me first, hah.)

"Excuse me, Chunin-san? Is the Hokage busy at the moment?" I asked the desk Chunin, for some reason, most of the Chunin that work as an receptionist for the Old Man tend to treat boss somewhat civilly, (read, as a person, if an somewhat annoying one, rather than a rabid dog … or fox) so my smile isn't as forced as it might've been. (I have a feeling the Old Man had something to do with this, since the rare exceptions tend to disappear rather quickly from reception desk duty.)

"Not really, except the paperwork." Came the reply, and a muttered: "glad I'm not doing them," which probably wasn't intended for my ears. "The doors are still locked at the moment though, so you might want to come back after ten." She added with an apologetic smile.

Of course, the locks couldn't stop boss even if both of his hands were tied behind his back, but I have a feeling picking the locks in full view of everyone in the reception hall is somewhat of an faux paus. So I just walked slowly up to the doors, with a "thanks" towards the Chunin, summoned a Shadow Clone on the other side (good thing boss practiced enough that I could do this seallessly, I don't really feel like being skewered by over-enthusiastic ANBU guards today) and dispelled myself.

…

You know, I really need to think my dumb-ass ideas through before I do something potentially suicidal. Fortunately, it seems my half of my chakra reserves rejoined my clone and my consciousness came with it, so I didn't _really_ kill myself just to perform what's basically an half assed imitation of a teleport technique. Good thing the ANBU guards (I think there's four in the ceiling and a couple more behind the potter plants, what's with ninjas and trying to hide from sight by hanging on to the ceiling anyway? That's basically the first place I would look.) were sufficiently well trained _not_ to immediately attack me just because of my surprising appearance, giving me enough time to perform the 'glomp' on the Hokage. (Shame on you, ANBU guards, for not taking the hit for your Hokage. Though I'd probably manage to avoid them anyway.)

"Hey Old Man! How're you doing? Is the paperwork getting you down? How's your grandson? Lose any more scrolls lately?" I fired off a rapid barrage of questions while 'accidentally' forcing some of the paperwork off his desk.

The Old Man probably figured out who I am by now, heck, he probably knew since the moment 'I' entered the room, he isn't called the 'Professor' for nothing after all. But despite that, probably just to mess with his guards, or maybe me, he replied: "Excuse me miss, who are you?" Oh look, the ANBU are getting tense, finally overcoming the fact that their ward was 'attacked' right before their eyes without them being able to do anything, and by an apparent stranger.

Well two can play it that game. "What? You don't recognize me?" I swooned, imitating to the best of my ability the appearance of a kicked puppy, oh look, he's starting to crack. Slowly, with every appearance of being wounded by an expected blow, I gathered my hands into a ram seal and shouted: "Kai!"

… Well that wasn't supposed to happen, hell, I'd probably take being turned naked again over this, to my great surprise, and the Old Man's carefully hidden amusement the technique did nothing to dispel my current henge. (Seriously, why was boss even taught how to dispel genjutsu if it _never_ works?) So I sheepishly rubbed the back of my neck and asked: "Can you just take my word for it that I'm Naruto? I think I trapped myself in a henge." I don't know whether to laugh or cry about the fact that this kind of thing is probably _exactly_ what everyone expects boss to do, trapping himself inside a female henge probably screams Naruto to everyone that knows boss.

Quirking his lips, the Old Man shot that idea down real quick "I'm terribly sorry young lady, but we cannot simply believe you to be one of our ninja just because you're wearing the Konoha headband and claim to be one of our Genin. Maybe if you have some sort of proof? An ID card perhaps?" Damn Old Man, he must be getting me back for painting his face earlier. (Nevermind that_ I_ didn't do it) He _knows_ that our ninja ID cards won't be passed out until the team placement ceremony, heck, I bet he's the one that set it up that way! Wait, hang on, I can work with this, he obviously knows it's boss, or at least a clone of boss, so he'd probably sign off on a new ID card. Though I do hope he calms things down before his ANBU decides to take me into custody.

Continuing to act sheepish, I moved to the front of the Hokage's desk before saying: "Well, err, that's kind of the problem, I don't _have_ my ninja ID card, so I'm kind of hoping that you can sign off to have my picture taken for another one? I promise I won't misplace this one!" All true, of course, though not exactly _the_ truth. I do wonder what the Hokage would do with an extra Genin that popped from literally nowhere though.

"Ah … I see, this kind of thing happens all the time you know. Just ask the receptionist for the Nin-ID forms and hand it in to the camera man, you can pick up your new ID with the new wave of Genin at the academy tomorrow." And there he goes, calming everything down with that grandfatherly smile of his, even if most of the tension was probably caused by him messing with me in front of his ANBU. At least the ANBU aren't staring at me like I'm a threat anymore though.

"Thanks Old Man! Should I unlock the door on the way out? Boss says hi by the way." Suiting actions to words, I waved goodbye and turned to walk towards the door.

"Please do, and tell Naruto I'll be seeing him in a few days to give him his first mission." As I unlocked the door and walked out, ignoring the bemused looks sent my way by the people outside, I heard him quietly ordering his ANBU to pick up the paperwork, though it seems like he's 'accidentally' misplaced some of the less important ones into the trash bin?

After that it took only half an hour for me to fill out the forms I obtained from the receptionist and get my picture taken. Somewhere in those thirty minutes I got the memories of a clone in training ground fifty-seven, which is rather close to training ground fourteen, I wonder if my cloned kunai are still there or if they dispelled with my original body? I mused that I can always check afterwards as I leisurely ran towards where boss found an empty training ground, keeping an eye out for any traps boss might've set to get back for the ramen thing. Doesn't look like there's any obviously disturbed spots where traps are made though, and I was almost all the way towards the training grounds before my ramen senses started tingling. (What do you mean you don't have a ramen sense? What kind of human are you?)

Huh, why would my ramen senses be tingling five miles away from Ichiraku's? Unfortunately distracted, boss's ambush of clones and ninja wire managed to hogtie me, taking extra care to bind my fingers so that I can't perform any hand seals. And there's boss now, smirking down at me, are those carryout boxes of Ichiraku ramen? Oh that explains so much. I'd probably cry if I was actually trapped in this position right now, let's see if I can get boss to cave by talking to him first though.

"…Boss?" I started hesitantly, "Why'd you tie me up?" I asked as innocently as I could. (Which is very, considering that I learned from the best.) Is that … is that _guilt_ I'm seeing in his eyes? Too bad it was buried by tempered resolve a moment later, but I have a chance anyway.

Boss started, somewhat languidly: "I'll let you know that I'm sorry about this" He sent an apologetic smile my way, "but I can't just let you prank me into believing you ate _all my ramen_ (boss's face went through flashes of grief, anger, despair, and righteous satisfaction at this) without getting you back, can I?" Oh this is tough, apparently both his pride as a prankster and his love of ramen are involved in this. Good thing I can use the latter against him. "And now, as I'm sure you're aware, I'm going to enjoy the divine food that is ramen while you, my dear, are bound and entirely helpless." Boss started cackling into villainous laughter at this point.

"You need to work on that laugh more."

"… I know."

It looks like boss really put some effort into this, one of the clone ambush is currently sitting on me, and the other four are starting at me like wardens of an extremely dangerous criminal, I bet he has the same setup prepared in every direction I could approach from too, since I sensed the ramen at the center of the training ground before he moved here; I wonder how he managed to create a clone to inform me of the training grounds without also giving away the ambush though? Guess I'll ask him later.

"But boss …" I whimpered as pitifully as I can, "would you really tarnish the sacred ramen by refusing to share it's divinity, just to spite a fellow worshipper?" Hmm, looks like he's cracking, better push a bit more. "I'll do anything you want, just leave the ramen out of this!" Guilt, empathetic pain, and resolves flashed through his face, though not burning regret of performing sacrilege against ramen, curious … I'm missing something here.

"I'll repent my sins to ramen later, but know this, it was _you_ who first brought ramen into this! It was _you_ who falsely made me believe that ramen has forsaken me." Well he's got me there. The theatric pointing is also nice, could do with a wooden staff of some sort in the other hand though. "…" Boss also said something else, but it was too soft for me to catch entirely, I think I heard a 'you' in there but that's it, though his eyes mellowed slightly before hardening up again. Looking back to yesterday, I have a feeling the unheard portion would be related to how there turned out to be ramen for him after all, so boss probably didn't intend to deprive me of ramen in the first place. That would explain how boss isn't worried about betraying ramen fairly nicely.

Hmm okay, Operation: Repentance, let's go, "I acknowledge my wrongs against you and ramen, and I am fully willing to perish to make this right … only, before I go, can you grant me one last request?" Damn, I think I laid it on a bit too thick there, boss actually looks worried. Eh, he'll get over it in a few seconds.

"… What is it?" He asked softly, moving closer. Still holding a box of ramen in each hand. (I wonder how he managed to carry those boxes for 5 miles without spilling the broth from the bowls inside.)

"Come closer." I said, equally softly.

Silent, he did as I asked, bringing the noodles even closer. Having the complete attention of boss and his five clones, I stealthily created a Shadow Clone behind a convenient bush nearby, which would allow the clone to be in grabbing distance of one of the boxes of ramen if boss comes just a bit closer.

…Closer…

…Closer…

"PSYCHE!" I yelled, causing boss to flinch back, (though not so far as to spill the precious ramen) while my clone made a grab for one of the boxes, taking care not to cause boss to drop the other one by doing so. To buy my clone some extra time, I dispelled myself for a second time today, and used the split second of confusion jump back with the box of ramen, carefully keeping it level. To his credit, boss got what's going on fairly quickly, and starting laughing with me after a few bewildered seconds.

"So … was the one I caught your clone the whole time?" Boss asked after we calmed down and started unpacking the ramen. (With nothing to do, the other clones dispelled, and I can see wisps of smoke coming from all over the training ground, and got slammed with the memories of at least a hundred dispelling clones. Wow … some of those ambush preparations were really thorough, good thing I didn't get caught by one of the groups using blindfolds, that could've turned into a mess.)

"Nope!" I said brightly, breaking the disposable chopstick block into two chopsticks, "You actually did catch me! How'd you do that by the way? The clone you dispelled earlier didn't remember any plans to trap me at all."

"Ah … hehe," boss rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "I didn't actually have any plans to catch you at first, which was why the clone I popped didn't remember any, but I after popped him I realized that this means I know exactly where you're going to be doing in a bit, since you'll be heading here like you promised, and that's just too good of an opportunity to miss. I mean, how often would you get tactical data about the enemy is doing _before_ she does it?" he chuckled, "So I sent a group of clones to Ichiraku's to get the bait, and you probably remember the traps from the rest of the clones."

Huh, so boss being spontaneous actually overcame the natural information asymmetry inherent from the fact that I can recall everything his clones do. (Why does that thought make me feel like Shino for some reason? Boss doesn't even really know the guy.) I should probably work out someway to channel information to boss too though; one-way communication isn't nearly as useful as two-way after all. Maybe the Old Man would let boss peek at the Forbidden Scroll again to read up on the Kage Bunshin?

"So how'd your training go? Break any Kunai?" I asked between mouthfuls of ramen.

Boss frowned slightly, "Well, you know, it's the usual, my throws keep going every which way, I was lucky on the academy test that I've managed to scrap by a pass on the throwing portion."

"Hmm, odd, did any of your clones try practicing?" Well it seems my unexplained skill in throwing definitely _wasn't_ passed to boss then.

"Yeah, but they did basically the same as I did, they're my _clones_ after all. Why?" Curiouser and curiouser, I guess my accuracy isn't because I'm a clone then.

I shrugged, "I'll show you after we finish the ramen, I think just seeing it would be faster than me trying to explain."

Boss mirrored my gesture and started eating faster. I kept pace and we finished the bowls in silence. Whereupon a group of satisfied clones appeared to take the bowls back to Ichiraku's. (I'm betting they're satisfied because they managed to convince Teuchi or Ayame to give them some ramen, it probably would've been too much to ask for boss's clones to handle ramen without wanting any themselves, though this explains why I didn't remember the ramen from any clone memories.)

"Okay, boss, do you mind creating a clone?" I asked as I guided boss towards one of the target posts. "Have him stand off to the sides a little so he gets a clear view of what's going on." Boss complied, with a somewhat confused look in his eyes still. Taking three kunai out from my equipment pouch I absently twirled one around for a bit before sending it at the post, with the two others following reminiscent of yesterday, both bouncing off the first with a faint 'clink' sound.

"… How?" Was the clones question after he recovered. (Boss still looks kinda dazed.) I just shrugged and gave a 'heck if I know' gesture.

"I've been able to do that since the first time I threw anything, I thought it was because I was a clone or something, but apparently not. Since boss's other clones can't seem to do the same, I'm guessing that I'm doing something differently than the rest of you? Which means that boss can probably learn this just from mimicking how I threw, hence why I asked you to watch." Boss recovered in the middle of this, but seemed content to just listen along with the clone, so I instructed boss to trying throwing some kunai like I did and asked the clone to dispel so I can compare the difference between my throws and boss's.

"… You know, I've never really noticed before, but boss, you fidget a lot when throwing stuff. Why is that?" The fidgeting becomes really obvious when I compare the clone memories of my throw, all three throws having one identical, smooth, movement. I've never noticed the sheer _jitteriness_ of bosses throws since the slight shifts of his center of gravity was accompanied by a slight shift in the same direction of his point view. I suppose this isn't all that surprising, since this isn't the kind of thing that can be noticed by self-training. … The village is making it rather difficult not to hate them...

I must have let something of what I felt show face, because boss stopped making his scrunched up thinking face and asked me: "What's wrong?" Stopping my first instinct to give boss that overly wide smile of his and deny everything, as is his wont, I just shook my head clear of my darker thoughts and took a moment to meditate.

"…It's fine, nothing that's worth worrying about right now. Let's get back to fixing your throws, ne?" I said before boss could get too worked up about me randomly clamming up. While it's obvious boss would much rather pry whatever it is out of me, he knows that I don't want to talk about it, and so goes back into his thinking face again, this time shooting me worried glances once in awhile.

After watching the boss try to think for what felt like years, I started: "You know, I have an idea of what it might be. Do you mind if I checked your pulse for a bit?" Understandably confused by my tangent, boss just nodded an affirmative.

Turns out, it's really easy to take another person's pulse if you don't have any of your own. Also, for some as physically fit as boss is, his resting heart rate is ridiculous, nearly one-hundred beats per minute is _not_ normal. But even accounting for the unavoidable tremors due to heartbeat, boss's aim shouldn't be this bad. Hmm … is it just me, or does boss look like he has two separate heartbeats? One originating from his chest, (naturally) and another from his … stomach. Oh.

"Well … on the plus side, your crappy aim probably isn't your fault boss. On the minus side, short of releasing the Kyuubi wholesale I have no idea how to remove his interference from your movements." Boss just looked resigned, and glared at his stomach for a bit. Another thing to hate the Kyuubi over I guess.

Seeing how we've spent almost the entire day just to figure out that boss's aim is messed up beyond belief for reasons beyond his control, I decided to try to end the day on an up note. "Ugh, come-on boss, let's go to Ichiraku's, Ayame told one of your clones that you can have a bowl on the house in early celebration of you getting into a Genin team." That said, I half dragged, half led boss to Ichiraku's.

The happy atmosphere of Ichiraku's soon revived boss's spirits, mine too, since when I tried to refuse a bowl on account of me being just a clone, Ayame just forced a bowl into my hands since "The other Naruto clones got some to eat too, so it isn't fair for you to not have any."

Thirty minutes, and half as many bowls later, boss and I waved goodbye to Teuchi and Ayame and left for boss's apartment. Whereupon boss crawled into bed with a contented sigh, only to be dragged out of it again with a reminder by me to shower and brush his teeth first. That done, boss rushed into bed with an affectionate "Slave-driver, why's the boss obeying the hired help?" shot in my direction.


	3. Chapter 3

"Rise and shine boss! It's morning!" I chirped merrily as I leapt into boss's bedroom through one of the windows. (Boss's apartment is on the second floor, but hey, ninja) Watching contently as boss stretched to shake off the last of his sleepiness, I slipped my ninja ID (which I 'liberated' from Iruka-sensei's desk during the night) into the hollow under one of the floorboards, where boss keeps some of his sentimental items. Ruffling his hair fondly before he batted my hand away, I headed into the kitchen to prepare breakfast with the groceries I bought last night. (Three cheers for twenty-four hour supermarkets, one of the most vital pillars of any ninja village)

"So are you going to be coming with me for the ceremony today?" Boss asked as he exited bathroom after his shower, absently throwing his dirty laundry towards the basket I placed for that purpose. (Huh, maybe I should move that closer to the bathroom door. Meh, at least boss picked up the 'missed' articles before stuffing them into the basket as well.)

"Yeah, I'm 'supposed' (with actual finger quotes!) to be picking up my ID card with the graduating Genin. The Old Man probably told Iruka-sensei to expect me, so it would be kinda odd if I didn't show." I responded as boss dug into his breakfast.

"How are you gonna introduce yourself to my classmates though? I doubt _Naruko Uzumaki_ is going to go over well." Boss asked between mouthfuls of food.

I winked at boss, "That's for me to know and you to wonder. I'll give you a hint though, I'm going use the name on my ninja ID-card."

"Naruko Uzumaki? Because that's what I saw on it." Boss deadpanned. I just smirked.

"…Anyway, what're you going to do after that? I doubt meeting my team is gonna take the whole day." If only he knew, heh, I chanced across the list containing the teams and Jonin sensei while searching for my card. Hatake Kakashi's lateness is almost more legendary than his skill as a shinobi.

I shrugged, "If you end up doing team exercises or something, I could always try to bug the Old Man into giving me clearance for some low-ranked solo missions. The money situation is probably going to be a little tight for a bit, since you're no longer applicable for the orphans' fund now that you're a Genin." I mean, sure boss has a nest-egg saved up from spending thriftily all these years, (except for the mandatory tithes to the Church of Ramen, of course) but no reason to tap into that if another option is available.

Boss nodded, silently contemplative as he finished the rest of his breakfast, washing the whole thing down by draining the glass of milk in a single gulp. While washing the dishes, I watched boss get dressed, sub-consciously put on his goggles before remembering and replacing them with his (still kind of weird to not think of it as Iruka-sensei's) Hitai-ate.

We walked leisurely towards the academy, ignoring the dirty looks cast in our direction with the ease of long practice. (Admittedly, some of those looks were slightly puzzled as they glanced towards me, but before long those also changed to match the rest.) Juggling a few kunai from my equipment pouch, I wondered absently if it's possible for me to create a Shadow Clone fast enough to catch a kunai I threw at something in mid-air.

"Hey," Boss started, interrupting my reveries, "what're you gonna do when Iruka-Sensei finds out that he doesn't have your ID-card?"

Smirking, I told boss not to worry about it as we entered the classroom, (waving at Iruka-Sensei as we came in who nodded in response) taking one of the tables near the back. As we watched the rest of the class funnel in, (we got the academy fairly early, probably because boss went to sleep earlier than usual last night) we were greeted by some curious looks, but the excitement of team assignments meant that none of their owners cared enough (that or taking the ten extra steps to the corner where we were seated is too, ahem, 'troublesome') to inquire further, instead deciding to banter about the upcoming ceremony with their friends instead. (Although that one weird girl, Hinata? stared noticeably longer than the others, before taking one of the other seats near the back of the room.)

"Alright, as I call your names, please get up to receive your ninja Identification cards." Iruka-sensei started as the last of the stragglers got into their seats. "First up, Aburame, Shino!" I tuned out the rest, slouching onto the desk until…

"Rekka, Hikari!" The unexpected name jolted some of the others to attention, and I caught some looks being shot my way. I just gave a smile and a wave to Iruka-Sensei, who was holding my (cloned and modified) ID-card forward, before holding out my hand like there's an invisible card in it. Then I dispelled the cloned ID-card and created another Shadow Clone of it into my hands simultaneously, making it seem like I just summoned the original ID-card into my hands somehow. (I don't care what anyone says, that trick was totally worth spending half the night practicing for.)

After Iruka-Sensei calmed the class down with that Demon-Head Jutsu of his, the rest of the cards were handed out uneventfully, punctuated by boss trying to weasel out how I summoned my ID-card in hushed whispers. I think Iruka-Sensei gave a speech about the responsibilities of being Genin now or something, but boss's whispers were very distracting until Iruka-Sensei interrupted his speech to use the Demon Head on him, after which we were a bit too unsettled to pay attention to Sensei's speech.

"Team Seven will be: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, (boss gave the obligatory cheer at this point, no point giving away that he knew the team beforehand after all,) and Uchiha Sasuke." Was the first thing I caught as I recovered. I tuned out the rest though, I already knew all the teams from my late night escapade in the academy after all.

Shortly after that, Iruka-Sensei dismissed us for a lunch break, ordering the new Genin to return in the afternoon to meet with the various Jonin-Senseis. Boss's incessant questions on our way back to his apartment finally made me crack, so I rapped the back of his head twice. (Once to make him stop, and another for him not figuring out at least part of it.)

"You do remember that the ID-card holding isn't the real one right? This, (I re-summoned the ID-card for emphasis) is just a Shadow Clone of an ID-card I created, you know, like the cloned kunai and shuriken I carry around in my equipment pouch." (It took almost two hours for me to figure out how to clone _just_ a minor object rather than having to create another entire Shadow Clone every time I wanted to make another copy of the card. In comparison, figuring out how to apply a partial change to the cloned card, namely the name and ninja-ID number (I have the same one as boss) was a cakewalk and only took a few minutes.) This should be enough information for boss to figure everything out.

"But that still doesn't explain how you did that!" Boss shouted as we climbed the stairs to the apartment, I can't tell if he's joking or not though, so I just settled for hitting the back of his head again, if he _really_ doesn't know he'll just ask me later.

"So…" boss started as we entered his apartment, "why Hikari Rekka?"

I shrugged as I started preparing lunch, getting everything set up before creating a Shadow Clone to watch the food as they're cooking, "Well, I kind of like the sound of Rekka no Hikari you know, light of the inferno sounds like an awesome name to have. (Boss nodded his agreement) Of course, actually giving the name as Rekka _no_ Hikari would be kind of dumb, since my parents would have to be kind of messed up to name me that, so I took out the 'no.'"

We spent some time in comfortable semi-silence, listening to the sounds of the vegetables frying merrily as my clone tried to avoid burning any of them, simultaneously avoiding any stray oil droplets. After a while I started again, "Of course, the original reason I picked Rekka (烈火, 'Inferno' or 'Raging Fire') was because that feels like me, you know? Just like how fire can be extinguished in one spot only to come alight in another, I can do pretty much the same thing with my Kage Bunshin." I punctuated the point by dispelling myself, thereby taking the place of my clone working the frying pan, narrowly avoiding an errant oil droplet in the process.

"The Hikari (光, 'Light,' or 'Shine') bit is partially a reference to how that works kind of like an high speed teleportation technique, but manly because it sounds cool in conjunction." I added as I carried the dish of vegetables and a bowl of rice to the table, taking my chair again. Content to just watch as boss dug into his meal with a slight grimace, I laid back on my chair across from him, letting out a satisfied sigh.

"So, I guess you'll be meeting with Old Man Hokage now? Since I'm guessing my team and I will probably be doing some team exercises together." Boss said as he finished off the last of the vegetables. (A surprise, albeit a happy one)

"Nah, I figure I'll come with you to meet with your Jonin-Sensei at least. (And keep you from being bored waiting for him) It's not like I'm forbidden from entering the academy except for official business or anything." I said, shaking my head slightly. With that, I left a clone to take care of the dishes before we left for the academy at a moderately fast clip.

"Hey, what're you doing here? You're not one of the graduating Genin." Was my greeting courtesy of a pineapple-headed Shikamaru as boss and I entered the classroom. (Why did this trigger some kind of parallel world sense of Déjà vu?)

"No, but there's nothing stopping me from watching Naruto-kun over here meeting with his Jonin-Sensei now is there?" I responded, with a slight shake of my head and ruffling boss's hair for emphasis.

"… Troublesome." Was his ever eloquent reply.

Taking the same seats as we did earlier today, boss and I watched as Yuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma took the members of Team Eight and Team Ten respectively. (Well, we also saw the other Jonin-Sensei take the rest of the class as well, but only the members of Team Eight and Ten stood out in boss's memories, so I paid more attention to them.)

Hmm, in retrospect, wanting to accompany boss just to help stave off boredom waiting for his Jonin-Sensei might've been a bad idea, there's really not much to do inside a class room, and I don't thinking playing with my kunai would be a good idea since Iruka-Sensei is still here. Ah wait, he just went out after giving boss a parting wave, he probably has tons of stuff to do as an academy teacher, even if it's just the final administrative details before the break. Leaving boss, me, dead-fish, and pink-hair alone in the room.

…

"So err, what're you doing here Rekka-san? You're already on a team right?" I guess there's only so much fawning someone can do over a person with the emotional response of a dead fish, because Sakura finally got bored enough to start pestering the only unfamiliar person in the room. Hmm, odd, I can remember boss being attracted to her, but I don't really feel anything about her one way or another, curious. Eh, it won't be to be rude to one of boss's teammates anyway, so I better say something.

"Please, Hikari is fine, I'm just here to see Naruto-kun over here meet his team and Jonin-Sensei. Of course, I also had an inkling that he might want some company for the wait." I quickly clamped a hand over boss's mouth before he can yell something, (probably about me not telling him about this 'inkling') and starting a shouting match with Sakura, from boss's memories of her matches with Ino, the experience can be … unpleasant.

"What wait? Wait, you mean you _knew_ our Jonin-Sensei was going to be late!?" And she goes off anyway, and dead-fish shoots an annoyed glance in my direction. Sigh, maybe I should just ignore her like dead-fish, at least she isn't annoying when she's fawning over him. (Except to _Sasuke-kun_ of course, but screw him, boss and I share the same feelings in that regard.)

I shrugged exaggeratedly, noting out of the corner of my eye that boss seems to have gotten past the 'put foot in mouth' phase, so I lowered my hand, "Hatake-Jonin's lateness is somewhat famous, (hell, even the list containing the new Genin teams had a reminder that he's going to be late next to his name) I wasn't sure if that's true though, (lie) since I've never met him personally, (truth, though boss might've) but I wanted to meet Naruto-kun's team anyway, so here I am." Okay good, looks like she's calmed down, maybe I should sic him on dead-fish to prevent a relapse? Nevermind, too late, she's opening her mouth again.

"So what was that thing you did earlier to grab your ID-card? I've never heard of any Jutsu that can fetch something like that." Well she isn't screeching at least, but …

"Sorry, that's a trade secret. It's not that useful though, the set-up time is atrocious, I could only do it because I knew my card was going to be there." Ain't that the truth. Sadly, her reminder of my sleight-of-hand earlier seems to have prompted the interest of dead-fish in the form of his dead-fish stare. Sigh, at least boss is enjoying my well concealed discomfort though, if that smirk is any indication.

Luckily for me, Hatake popped his head through the doorway at that moment, so everyone's attention was diverted to him instead. He just swept his gaze at all of us lazily, before stating: "Hmm, my first impression of you guys is … there's more of you than I thought there'd be. (Duh.) Meet me on the roof in five minutes." With that, he disappeared with a burst of smoke, I'm guessing a Shunshin? Hmm, his order is vague enough that it can be constituted as an invitation for me to join the rest of Team Seven, so I just shrugged, summoned a Shadow Clone on the roof, and dispelled myself.

He seemed to be in the middle of taking out something orange (yay) from his equipment pouch when my clone was summoned, (Damn he's fast, unlike my transportation technique, the Shunshin is a speed technique rather than a pseudo teleport technique like what I just did, and he _still_ got here before me) he put it back after raising his right eyebrow slightly though. I pretended to ignore him in favor of watching the stairwell where boss would be coming through though.

It was a few minutes before boss burst into the roof side by side with dead-fish, exclaiming "Take that! I'm first Sasuke!" I just rolled my eyes, and then pointed at myself while giving him a fond smile. I would say that dead-fish looked slightly interested/miffed that I got here before them, but that would require a little more emotional display on his part than an actual dead fish, so I won't say that. A little while after that, Sakura arrived, having walked the whole way.

"Well then, let's introduce ourselves, you know, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, stuff like that." He said as the rest of Team Seven sat down.

"Why don't you introduce yourself first?" boss asked, "it's only polite to do so after all." Sakura added an affirmative, and even dead-fish nodded almost imperceptibly, I just pretended to be interested about what he's going to say.

"Oh me…? Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I don't feel like telling you guys my likes and dislikes … I've never thought my future dreams … and I have many hobbies." Yep, definitely worth pretending to be interested in, Sakura was a bit more vocal in her disappointment though: "So … all he told us was his name."

"Anyway," he continued, "Silent Blond, why don't you start?" Hmm? You'd think he get to know _his team_ first, so I shot a glance at boss, who got my message.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto!" He shouted towards the heavens, "What I like are: ramen, especially the kind of Ichiraku's; training to become stronger; and Hikari-chan over here. (I managed a small smile in his direction at this) What I dislike are: the three minutes it takes to cook 'instant' (I helped him make the air quotes) ramen, things that interfere in my training, (he shot at brief glance at his stomach) and people who never look beyond the obvious. My hobbies are: training; (I'll say, he spent at least half his free time training from what I can remember, and I use the term 'free' loosely. Sigh, too bad self-training can only get yourself so far, Iruka-Sensei's attention caused his improvement to skyrocket in pace, even though Sensei had to divide his attention among all the students in the class.) pranking people; (the other half of his free time) and recently, hanging out with Hikari-chan. (During which we did both of the former, of course, even if we only pranked each other.) As for my dream … it is to surpass all the previous Hokage, so that everyone would have to acknowledge me!" I noted that everyone's attention was forcibly drawn to boss during this. I have a feeling boss being acknowledged wouldn't be that difficult once he can finally make people pay attention to him.

"Hmm … alright, Uncooperative Blond, you're next." Huh, he must really want me to talk for some reason, so I shrugged a little.

"My name is Rekka Hikari, my likes are training, ramen, and Naruto-kun over here. (Boss smiled sheepishly at me at this, so I ruffled his hair for a bit.) I have a great deal of dislikes, but none that I'm willing to share. (Hatake would probably be forced to report to the Hokage about some of those, and I don't want to give the Old Man any _more_ paperwork) My hobbies are training and hanging out with Naruto-kun. As for my dreams for the future … I've never really thought about it." (I mean, I've only existed for what, three days? I can't exactly plagiarize boss's dream since it's not _mine_, you know.)

I think he's deliberately waiting to speak so that everyone's attention could discomfort me a bit more, so I just pretended to check my nails. After about half a minute of this, he finally said: "Alright, Broody, you're up."

"My name Uchiha Sasuke," dead-fish started, "there are a lot of things I dislike, and almost nothing I like. … I can't really call it a dream, but I have an ambition: the resurrection of my clan … and to kill a certain man." The unnerving effect of a twelve or thirteen year-old declaring that his primary motivation is to murder somebody was somewhat ruined by the fact that the entire last bit was delivered in a monotone. Seriously, at least put some effort in your speech about your lifelong ambition. Sakura started fawning over him at this though, and boss edged slightly away from him.

"Okay … Pinkie, you're last." All too true, in more ways than one, probably.

"My name Haruno Sakura, the thing … I mean the person I like is …" pinkie tittered glancing at dead-fish, "and my dream for the future is … my hobby is … (still looking at dead-fish, but I guess it's a stare now, not a glance) My dislikes … (she glanced between me and boss for a bit) I don't have any particular dislikes." And this is the Kunoichi of the year, what kind of idiot designed the academy system anyway? Oh … right … the council pushed through those reforms to weigh the academic portion more in order to: 'entice the less physically talented.' (That's to say, people who _shouldn't_ be trying to become ninja, though in their minds it's probably encouraging more civilians into becoming ninja rather by allowing them to join up without being able pass the minimum athletic requirements. Well at least we get a whole bunch of paper shufflers this way, too bad they rarely rise to a rank where they can help the Old Man out, since most of the stuff he deals with is classified.)

"Alright," Hatake began, "Tomorrow Team Seven will start our duties as shinobi … a mission … if you will, a survival training again me." … Is he pumping out some subtle killing intent just to unnerve us?

Boss just cocked his head, as unnerved by the killing intent as I am, (considering I've faced some seriously concentrated doses of this stuff over _ramen_ … yeah, going to have to try harder Hatake) "…So?"

"You see," he drawled, "of the twenty-seven shinobi who graduated, only nine will become Genin, (pinky looked like she wanted to add something, but a slightly increased dose of killing intent disrupted her thoughts. Wonder if she even knows what this pressure is?) so this is a test, a test which has a higher than sixty-percent failure rate. And if you fail, you'll be sent back to the academy."

"What? What was the point of the Graduation Exam then?" Boss shouted, he probably doesn't need to worry though, I think I know what's the meaning behind the odd marks next to teams Seven, Eight, and Ten on the sheet with the Genin team assignments now.

"That? That's just to select those who have the _chance_ to become Genin, we can't test everyone in the academy you know. Anyway, Team Seven, meet me at Training Ground Three tomorrow at six, don't be late. (hah hah, Hatake, hah hah)" Kakashi drawled, "… and I guess Hikari can come as an audience to your failure." He added as an afterthought, and I shrugged slightly.

"Piece of advice? Don't eat anything, you'll just throw it all up anyways." He said before vanishing in a gust of wind, leaving behind the leaves the used to cover his Shunshin.

Since it looks like dead-fish and pinky are still dazed, (well pinky looks dazed at any rate, dead-fish still looks like a dead fish) I turned to boss. "Hey, I guess you'll just have to eat extra tonight then! Last one to Ichiraku's has to wash the dishes for a week!" With that, I jumped down into the street, boss in hot pursuit.

"… You know boss, when I said you'll have to eat extra, I didn't mean you should gorge yourself until you can barely move." I said as I helped boss up after paying Teuchi, who just chuckled and waved at us. Fortunately, boss's freakishly fast digestive system kicked in (I don't remember it kicking in for anything but ramen before, but then boss never gorges himself on anything but ramen either) and he was able to walk unsupported by the time we made it into his apartment.

The ramen probably calmed boss down completely though, since he seems to have fallen asleep immediately after crawling into bed, rather than staying awake due to nerves the entire night as I half expected. With nothing better to do, I decided to go buy some ingredients for a lunch box for tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

As it approached six my clone and I carefully carried boss (asleep and wrapped in a cloned blanket) towards Training Ground Three, taking care not to jolt boss awake on the way. A third clone brought up the rear, carrying eating utensils and the lunchbox I made last night. This was the strange sight that greeted boss's impatient teammates, who probably got here half an hour earlier from sheer nerves. (The poor, naïve, fools.)

Sufficiently dumbstruck by the strange sight we made, the pair was speechless for almost a whole minute as my clones and I carefully set boss and the lunchbox down. Hoping to forestall pinky's natural instinct to be loud and abrasive when annoyed, (which would wake boss, making the entire act of carrying him here while he's asleep rather pointless,) I quickly closed the distance between me and boss's teammates, noting absently that my clones dispelled themselves.

"Hey," I chirped merrily while waving at them, "how are you this fine morning?" Okay, so rubbing the fact that I'm a morning person (technically an entire day person, since I'm up twenty-four/seven) and that boss got to sleep in probably _wasn't_ the smartest way _not_ to antagonize a pair of people who clearly weren't morning people. But hey, better them angry at me than at boss, and I'm close enough now that I can probably gag pinky if she seems like she's going to make enough noise to wake boss.

"…Hn" was dead-fish's eloquent greeting, but he was never the main danger here anyway, pinky was, and she looks like she's ready to blow up. Hmm, how could I convince her to be quiet without gagging her?

"Ah, I'm sorry, that was probably a bit too loud right?" I said while pretending to be looking apologetically at dead-fish. Who grunted in a way that might possibly perhaps be interpreted to be almost approaching thankfully, if you were insane or something. (Or a fangirl.) And there we go, terrified of distressing her _Sasuke-kun_ she stifled her imminent screech. Ah ... wonderful silence, too bad the company leaves much to be desired.

Finally working up enough courage to risk distressing _Sasuke-kun_ pinky started in what seems to be her softest possible voice: "Why's Naruto still asleep? Sensei would probably be here soon, it's already six!"

I shrugged, "Hatake-Jonin only requested you to A, be present at Training Ground Three, B, not to be late, with an additional advice, which probably should've been taken under advisement, C, not to eat breakfast. No where in that did he ever mention that we needed to be awake, or even alive, a bowl of ramen could fulfill those requirements as long I brought it here before six." I mean, it's probably expected that you go into a survival exercise with the ability to you know, _survive_, but I could argue that the bowl of ramen was never alive in the first place, and so no matter what you do to it, it would technically 'survive.'

"Moreover," I continued, "given what happened yesterday, I seriously doubt that Hatake-Jonin is going to keep his own rule about not being late." Sadly, as much as I want to reciprocate Hatake's lateness, boss would probably kill me if I intentionally disobeyed orders. (Moreso if I cost him his Genin Graduation, but he's bound tighter by his code of honor than any physical chain anyway.) "Now if you'll excuse me." I added as I summoned another cloned blanket and curled up next to boss, pretending to go to sleep.

The few hours passed with only the sounds of wildlife and boss's teammates pacing. (Dead-fish sure as heck isn't going to initiate conversation, and pinky was probably mortified about possibly annoying _Sasuke-kun_ with too loud speech. Ironic, considering.)

The enjoyable silence came to an abrupt end as boss started to wake however, yawning sleepily before sitting up and noting his odd surroundings. He tried shaking me awake before recalling, as I instantly opened my eyes, that I don't actually need to sleep. Possibly still half-asleep he asked: "…Why am I in Training Ground Three?"

"Because Hatake-Jonin requested that you be there at six, of course!" I responded, smirking mischievously.

Boss gave me one of his deadpan stares, though the effect was somewhat weakened by his sleepiness showing through, "alright, let me rephrase that, why was I _sleeping_ in Training Ground Three?"

I shrugged, (a difficult feat, considering I'm still lying on the ground) "I figured Hatake was going to be a late show, so I carried you here while still asleep, he never specified that you had to be _awake_ after all, just not late." Sufficiently mollified, he stood up after noticing that he was fully dressed. (Though what he would've done if he was still in his nightshirt, I don't know.)

Boss's two teammates watched the entire exchange between me and boss silently, probably because we were the only half-way interesting things going on around us right now. However, once it became clear that boss was fully functional, pinky's hesitance in speaking seemed to be overridden by her (apparently instinctual) reaction to screech at boss. (That or she decided it's sufficiently close to a reasonable hour that her voice wouldn't grate on her _Sasuke-kun_.)

I didn't hear what she yelled at boss or his likely submissive response because I was busy covering my ears with boss's blanket, so it's somewhat understandable that I missed Hatake's arrival, only noticing when Team Seven's synchronized "You're Late!" Managed to force its way past my makeshift earmuff. With that, I did a somersault to get up while simultaneously dispelling the two blankets.

Hatake just ignored their shouts while making his way to one of the three wooden posts of the training ground, setting an alarm clock on the middle one. Looks like it's just past ten, looks like he took his sweet time getting here. "Okay, it's set for noon," he started while taking out two bells, "those who don't have a bell by noon gets no lunch, and will be tied to one of the posts while I eat one of my bento in front of them. (Team Seven wilted under the threat of this cruel but not entirely unusual punishment) There are only two bells, so at least one of you will be tied to a post, and anyone who fails to take a bell will be sent back to the academy. You can use what ever you'd like to try to take the bells from me, and I'm telling you now that you have no chance unless you come at me with the intent to kill."

Heh, lucky for him boss will probably never approach _anyone _with the intent to kill, considering boss had the skills to assassinate pretty much everyone in Konoha save for the Hokage and maybe the Jonin for a long time now, you don't avoid the ANBU in neon-orange without having a ridiculous level of stealth, which is basically the only thing that matters in an assassination. (And even the Old Man's survival would be debatable if boss ever went nuts, considering how easily he's knocked out by boss's Oiroke no Jutsu.)

"Ah … before I forgot, being tied to a post also means you can't eat anything you brought with you either, so that means you can't just mooch off Hikari if you fail, Naruto." He added after noticing the lunchbox I brought, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nodded slightly in Hatake's direction to show my acknowledgement. "Alright … Begin!" He shouted, and Team Seven dispersed to hide themselves.

Noting I probably look kind of odd for being the only one (other than Hatake, of course) that didn't conceal myself, I walked towards a nearby bush and crouched down into it, disappearing completely. (If you ignore the fact that everyone saw exactly where I went, since I didn't even bother to hide my movement.)

Boss probably realized that Hatake isn't just going to walk right next to his hiding spot so that he can grab the bells, so he decided to … walk out and announce his presence? You know boss, appearances count for a lot, just because you know that it's mostly pointless to hide from a high level Jonin when they saw how you moved to hide, doesn't mean _they_ know that you knew that. Although it looks like Hatake is dropping his guard because of it, whatever.

"The first of the three Shinobi combat disciplines:" Hatake started, pulling the orange rectangle from yesterday (it looks like … a book?) from his equipment pouch, "Taijutsu."

Boss, naturally confused, asked: "What's with the book?" I mean, it's _orange_ but even I would forsake orange if it meant it would impede my performance. (I thought, while wearing a yellow shirt and orange skirt, in a profession that emphasizes stealth.)

Hatake gave an offhand wave, "I just wanted to know what happens next, don't worry, it won't make a difference against you guys." Boss, naturally incensed at the insult started a berserker charge at Hatake. (We'd have to work on that, if we end up having to fight in the open a lot, rather than just ending fights with the first sneak attack.) After easily dodging or blocking boss's blows, Hatake used his vastly superior speed to get behind boss, forming a tiger seal. Hmm, I don't think any Taijutsu techniques used hand seals? But given what I've seen so far, Hatake could've been lying about the Taijutsu thing. "Hidden Leaf Ancient Taijutsu Supreme Technique: One Thousand Years of Death!" … Nevermind. Though I bet boss is wishing that he took a fireball to the back instead at this point, that least that would only hurt his body, unlike the tremendous ass-poke he just got hit by.

It looks like being launched in the stream helped calm him down though, since he just sent a group of Shadow Clones to distract Hatake, while another clone used the stream to get behind the Jonin. … Too bad he ended up punching one of his clones due to a Kawarimi, which reminds me, I should really practice so I can do the Kawarimi seal-lessly. … And now boss is beating the crap out of himself, though I don't know if he's just venting or if he actually thinks that Hatake henged into one of his clones.

Well looks like he's calmed down enough to dispel his clones now. ... And now he gets himself caught into a trap by trying to grab a bell Hatake was clearly using as bait. (Seriously boss, what the hell were you thinking there? I'm basically you and I still can't figure it out.) I don't know if I can keep watching after this, so I brought my palms to face. Dammit boss, stop embarrassing us. The hands on my eyes didn't stop me from heaving several *thunk* sounds made by metal impacting wood though, I'm guessing one of the other members of Team Seven tried to attack Hatake's lowered guard as he went to gloat at boss. On the bright side, that probably means they're too distracted to see boss getting caught by another copy of the exact same rope trap after he cut himself down, whereupon I face-palmed again.

Hmm, that sounds like pinky's scream off in the distance, wonder if I should go check on her? Eh, nevermind, got company. "The third of the three Shinobi combat disciplines: Ninjutsu." Came Hatake's voice behind me.

"I'm guessing that scream was due to a Genjutsu then? Why're you testing me by the way?" I mean, I don't really mind, the fight (probably fights, now, if I guess that this is a Kage Bunshin is correct) moved away from where I can see, so I probably would've been twiddling my thumbs anyway.

"Good guess, and I'm only here because I thought you'd be bored without being able to see the rest of the survival exercise." Hatake drawled as I stood up and turned to face him. (Or possibly his clone, I guess.)

"So what's it going to be then? I doubt it's going to be me trying to get a bell, since it'd probably dispel with you once I manage to get it off you anyway." Looks like the Kage Bunshin guess is correct, since the clone quirked his right eyebrow up slightly, rather than becoming dismissive.

"Maa … if you manage to dispel me, I suppose that can be considered you passing the test, since landing a clean hit would have roughly the same difficulty as taking one of my bells anyway." He said, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

I shrugged, "alright," I said, while simultaneously summoning a Kage Bunshin of a kunai to a position where it would have partial overlap with one of his thighs, (wouldn't do to accidentally land a lethal blow if the clone turned out to be the real Hatake after all) dispelling the clone. Or maybe I'm trapped in a Genjutsu and that's what he wants me to think, but considering stabbing myself to break a Genjutsu would be out of the question and that the academy Genjutsu dispelling method _never_ worked for me, I'm just going to hope I passed.

Hmm, since I'm technically allowed to eat my bento now, I guess I might as well go do that, I wonder if that means boss could eat too by association? Eh, Hatake probably thinks we're two completely different people so that probably wouldn't work as an argument. … Wait, does mean that he intended to send me back to the academy if I failed to land a hit? A Genin going solo against a Jonin? …Silver-hair's a prick.

… Huh, boss wound up being the only one tied to one of the posts? I mean, I know he was freaking embarrassing out there but none of the others got their hands on a bell either so what gives? Hmm, eating the bento would probably be in bad taste then, guess I'll just wait and see what happens. With that thought, I walked to join Team Seven, silver-hair nodding an acknowledgement in my direction before continuing a speech that was apparently in progress: "Yep, all three of you should quit as Shinobi!" Ooh, harsh, still doesn't explain why boss was singled out in being tied up though.

"None of you understood the reason that the academy were divided into _teams_ and given another exam after the basic Graduation Test." He continued, "The reason that the exercise was set-up deliberately to set you against each other, it was to see if you can set aside your personal interests and work together for the sake of the mission. Missions are completed by _teams_ of Shinobi, naturally, superior individual ability is important to a ninja, (he gave a slight nod in my direction at this) but what's more important is 'teamwork'." He walked up to the memorial stone of heroes before continuing: "Look at the names carved into this stone, these are the names of the greatest heroes of the village, they are all heroes who died on duty as a ninja. … This is a memorial, my best friend's name is also carved here, a reminder of the fates that befall shinobi teams with fractured teamwork." There's probably a personal story behind that, but I have a feeling even telling us this much was painful for Kakashi.

After a tense silence, everyone taking in the solemnity of the moment, he started speaking again: "I'll give you guys one last chance, but I'll make it even harder for you to get the bells, those of you who wish to continue may eat lunch, but don't give any to Naruto, this is his punishment for trying to eat by himself earlier. (Well that explains why boss is tied up. Probably partly my fault for packing the lunchbox in the first place.) If anyone tries to feed him, they will fail immediately, I make the rules here, got it?!" He added a spike of killing intent to punctuate this statement. Before vanishing with a burst of speed.

Sensing that this was probably a part of the test, I glanced at boss, silently inquiring if he wants me to clue the rest of his team in. Boss shook his head no, probably deciding that if they needed their hand held just to go through the motions of teamwork the team would fall apart later anyway. Nodding my understanding, I turned and walked a fair distance from the clearing before doubling back stealthily, hiding myself behind the foliage to observe.

Hmm, looks like dead-fish is offering boss his lunch, either he's wised up to the test or he's actually getting into the team spirit, (either way, I think I'll call him something different from now on, the Uchiha is still on probation though) and there goes pinky following his lead. (Zero points, stop playing follow the leader) As expected, Kakashi rushes into the clearing with a burst of killing intent, and environmental Genjutsu, if that storm cloud is any indication. Judging by the gradual transformation of their features from terrified to confused to elated, I'm guessing Kakashi passed them. … And then they left boss tied to post and left, I guess I'll wait a bit to see if boss managed to figure out a way to escape being tied up on his own though.

"… Boss, even you can't do a seal-less Kawarimi to escape, I know you can make seal-less Kage Bunshin, so why didn't you summon one and have him cut the ropes or Kawarimi with you?" Yeah … the waiting thing didn't pan.

"… I didn't think of it, alright?" Boss mumbled. I just shook my head at him, exasperated.

"For future reference, next you're in a bind, check to see if the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu can help in some way, it's basically the most versatile technique ever, and you're capable of performing it without needing your hands free." I'm guessing he's waiting for me to cut him down though, which is why he didn't summon a clone immediately. I just crossed my arms and deadpanned at him until he caught on, after which he sheepishly summoned a clone and had the bunshin Kawarimi with him.

As boss worked on demolishing my lunchbox and its contents, I absently wondered what we should do for the rest of the day, throwing practice is probably pointless until we figure out a way to overcome fuzz-ball's interference. Taijutsu practice, outside of moving through the academy katas is probably just as moronic as it sounds when your only partners are clones that dispel in a single clean hit. I guess we could always practice the Kawarimi until we can do it seal-lessly though, although I'm uncertain of the actual benefits of that outside a split second advantage compared to summoning a clone and then making the _clone_ Kawarimi with ourselves. (In fact, the Kawarimi is particularly useless for me, considering that I can seal-lessly take the place of one of my clones already, by dispelling myself.) Eh, outside raiding the Old Man's place for some Jutsu scrolls, which isn't an option since I still need him in a good mood to approve of me running solo missions, the Kawarimi practice seems like our best bet.

"So I'm guessing Kawarimi practice?" I asked as boss sent a clone to return the half destroyed lunchbox back to his apartment. Boss just nodded up at me, confirming that he came to the same conclusion regarding how we're going to spend the rest of the day. So boss summoned up a bunch of clones to use as targets/distractions and proceeded to attempt to Kawarimi while the clones were shifting around and trying to interfere his concentration by doing things like throwing rocks at him. I winced in sympathetic pain in response to a particularly painful hit, fortunately the bruise would probably have disappeared by the time he's finished practicing.

While boss was working with his extremely physical Jutsu practice, I decided to work on the range and control I have over the appearance of my Kage Bunshins, while I have nearly perfect control over their spawn points in a radius of about five meters or so, increasing distance or physical barriers tend to make accuracy and precision deteriorate rapidly, forming a soft cap at around one-hundred meters, at which point my control becomes so shoddy that the clone can appear from anywhere right next to me to two-hundred meters away. (Sure, I can probably summon a clone to anywhere in the world, since I don't think I have an actual fixed range, per se, but the problem is, I would probably summon a clone to _anywhere_ in the world, and for all I know I could be summoning it directly into a volcano or something.)

… Hmm yeah, I'm thinking mass summoning and dispelling is a horrible way to train my control over Kage Bunshin creation, I'm getting flooded with so much memories that I think I'm starting to suffer from sensory overload, I don't think my control improved any for all my efforts anyway. Oh well, at least boss seems to be getting things down pretty well from what I can see, he's not even getting hit by any of his clones projectiles anymore. (Trust me, considering how wild most of his throws are, avoiding the throws of a multitude of clones is almost impossible, since it's less a focus fire attack and more of a saturation bombing at that point) His Kawarimi isn't quite seal-less yet, but one hand seal is few enough that he can Kawarimi on reaction to attacks rather than having to predict one in advance to use it properly.

Since the sun is almost down, we decided to call it a day. I barely registered the memories of his practices clones as they dispelled, what's twenty-ish memories compared to _thousands_ anyway? I hope I manage to sort this mess in my mind out sooner rather than latter though, I'm getting really disoriented. Leaning on boss slightly, we made our way to Ichiraku's. Whereupon Ayame treated us to a free bowl each for passing the hidden Genin exam, though boss went through six more bowls for good measure. Leaving a hefty (though nowhere near the amount we paid yesterday) amount of change on the table, we made our way back to boss's apartment.

After stumbling on the stairwell twice (which is unbelievably clumsy of me, considering there aren't even twenty steps in total) I felt too drained to drag boss out of bed after he crawled inside almost immediately after entering his apartment, barely taking the time to change into his night clothes first. Instead, I barely made it to the bed before deciding that I'm not going to bother doing anything tonight, absently summoning a clone blanket before going out like a light.


	5. Chapter 5

"Control, this is Squad-D, we have a visual on the target, requesting permission to engage, over."

"Squad-D, this is Mission Control, request denied, you are to shadow and observe the target only, wait for reinforcements, do not engage, I repeat, do not engage. Over. "

"Standing Orders says all other units are to move in on Squad-D's position, what's your location Squad-D? Over."

"This is Squad-D, current location is in sector thirteen, co-ordinates 47, 56. Over."

"Squad-A, Squad-B, Squad-C, this is Mission Control, double time it to sector thirteen, do not allow the target to escape! Over."

"Squad-A acknowledges, over."

"We're already there, Squad-B out."

"This is Squad-C, we might be awhile, we were in sector one, over."

"Squad-D, this is Mission Control, status update on the target. Over."

"This is Squad-D, target is holding position, still requesting permission to engage, over."

"This is Mission Control, request denied, again, do you see Squad-B? Over."

"This is Squad-D, we have a visual on Squad-B, she just waved at us. Over."

"She returned the wave, Squad-B out."

"This is Squad-A, we are in position, requesting permission to engage. Over."

"Squad-A, this is Mission Control, request denied, keep a lock on the target until Squad-C gets there."

"Standing Orders thinks waiting is boring, isn't three people enough? Over."

"Standing Orders, this is Mission Control, stop being stupid, over."

"Mission Control, did you really need to use the radio to talk to Standing Orders? She's right next to you." I asked.

…

…

…

"Sigh … over." Screw my clones, screw all of them.

"This is Mission Control, of _course_ it's necessary Lady General. Over." I deadpanned at Mission Control. The three of us, Mission Control, Standing Orders, and I were seated around boss's table wearing matching headsets.

"Mission Control, this is Squad-D, target appears to be stirring, still requesting permission to engage, over."

"Squad-A, Squad-B, this is Mission Control, does that appear to be the case? Squad-D, request denied, stop asking. Over."

"Hai, the target is stirring, Squad-B out."

"This is Squad-A, the target appears to be preparing to move out. Over."

"Squad-C, this is Mission Control, what's your ETA to Sector Thirteen? Over."

"This is Squad-C to Mission Control, ETA thirty seconds. Over."

"This is Squad-D, the target is bolting, we're in pursuit, over."

"Squad-A following, over."

"Ditto, Squad-B out."

"Ugh, all Squads, this is Mission Control, can you corner the target with just the three of you available? Over."

"Standing Orders thinks this all could've been avoided if you just granted them permission to engage in the first place Mission Control. Over."

"This is Squad-C, the target appears to be moving in my direction, we and the other Squads have him surrounded, requesting permission to engage. Over."

"All Squads, this is Mission Control, engage the target at will. Over."

"Standing Orders thinks this will go over badly, four is an unlucky number. Over."

"I find your lack of faith … disturbing." I drawled, as I mimed a choking motion in Standing Order's direction with one of my hands, whereupon she immediately started making choking sounds, and dispelled soon after. "This is your commander speaking, do not fail me. Over." I finished in a mock evil tone.

"This is Squad-A, we're moving to intercept, over."

"Man down! Man down! Squad-A got butchered when she moved to intercept the target! (the damn cat has the reflexes of a ninja, 'Squad'-A never had a chance) We have apprehended the target however. Squad-B out."

"All remaining Squads, this is Mission Control, move the target to the established drop site, Squad-A's sacrifice must not be wasted! Over." Mission Control and I just sat there twiddling our thumbs while waiting for Tora to be delivered to the Mission Assignment Desk. (Hopefully this time he won't escape during transit, I had to ask boss to help out last time, since Tora was so feisty that none of my clones could hold him for long before dispelling. It sucks to feel like I'm as fragile as glass sometimes.)

"This is Squad-C reporting, we have returned Tora to the Fire Lady, Madam Shijimi, mission complete. Over."

"All remaining Squads, this is Mission Control, congratulations, feel free to dispel. Over." With that, the four clones still left intact (Mission Control and the three remaining 'Squad's) dispelled themselves. Boss will get the mission pay when he visits the Old Man to turn in _his_ mission later. I let out a satisfied sigh, all in all, that went a lot better than it could have, even if my clones kept insisting on idiotic nicknames for the operation.

Not feeling up to another mission today, (the Tora mission pays a lot more than the other D-ranks anyway, due to its unusual difficulty) I lay down on boss's bed after returning my headset to boss's equipment locker. After staring at the ceiling for a few moments, I closed my eyes and started to sort through the various clone memories I received. While my sub-conscious is perfectly capable of handling it without any input from me, it sometimes decides to shut the rest of my body down to focus on sorting a large number of memories, as I found to my chagrin when I blacked out the other day. Thus I usually set some time aside so that _I_ get to decide when I'm going to be useless and unresponsive.

Snapping myself out of my self induced trance after a few minutes, I decided that I might as well go bother boss and see how his team is doing with his mission. (One of my clones ended up coming across his team painting fences when they were searching for Tora.) Carefully propping up an empty bucket on top of the bedroom door, (have to train boss's situation awareness after all, yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it,) I grabbed the lunchbox I prepared during the mission before heading out. (I don't do much personally when trying to catch Tora. Mission Control, (one of my clones always names themselves that during the mission,) tends to take care of the organizational details, so I'm really only needed to replace the clones that get popped for whatever reason.)

"Hey boss," I started quietly as I landed lightly next to him, setting the lunchbox on the grass "how's the mission going?" Looks like it's almost finished, pinky and the Uchiha are working on the other side of the fence, though pinky looks like she's paying more attention to the Uchiha than to the fence. (Probably to his well concealed chagrin, probably, it _is _well concealed after all.) Kakashi is just sitting on a nearby chair while reading that orange book of his, pausing briefly to nod at me before turning back to his book.

"Slowly," boss grumbled, "Kakashi-sensei won't let me use my Shadow Clones for any of the D-ranks, apparently they're illegal or something." I somehow doubt that, that the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu is illegal that is, not that Kakashi would forbid it. I've been using at least two clones for all my D-ranks, and no one ever called me on it. (Mainly to simulate working in a full Genin team, although finishing the missions quicker is a nice bonus.)

"Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." I winked at boss while picking up a brush from the paint-can beside him, pausing briefly to note that the paint is water-soluble.

"I wonder how much the typical income of a civilian is, if it's cost effective to hire a team of ninja to _paint fences_." I mused out loud after a few minutes of painting in silence. I mean, they don't really have to pay the Genin very much, but the Jonin-Sensei seem like they'd be shortchanged. Maybe being a Jonin-Sensei entitles them to extra pay like being on an ongoing mission?

Boss shrugged, narrowly avoiding dripping paint on himself in the process, before starting, "It's probably a supply and demand kind of thing, Konoha has such a large population to draw from that we have tons of ninja. In comparison to that, the number of important missions is probably somewhat small, so the Old Man probably has to accept a lot of make-work just to have enough missions to hand out to all the ninjas who request them. But consequently, even the cheaper missions end up being accepted, even bad pay is better than no pay after all." Huh, has boss been hanging out with Iruka-Sensei again? I ruffled his hair with my free hand before starting to paint again.

Shortly after that, we finished painting the entire fence. (Boss and I moved to the other side to help boss's teammates after we finished the outside.) Gathering up the used equipment, I left the brushes out to dry on a sheet of paper provided for that purpose, (after washing the paint out, naturally) while Team Seven stowed the paint cans away in the client's equipment shed. Then, as a group, they started making their way to the Hokage Tower, I joined them after picking up the lunchbox from the grass.

"So what brings you here so early today?" Kakashi asked me lazily, as we watched boss bicker with Sasuke about who painted the most of the fence on the way to the tower. (Well, boss was bickering, the Uchiha just did that broody silence thing he always does.)

I shrugged before answering, "I caught sight of you guys during my mission, and after I finished I figured I might as well help out."

Pinky must have been listening in between glaring at boss (for disturbing _Sasuke-kun_) and staring at the Uchiha like he's a piece of meat, since she started speaking: "Ah! Thanks for helping us by the way, sorry that I forgot to do so earlier. (Well at least she has manners, sometimes, I _guess_ I'll stop referring to her as pinky now, putting Haruno on probation like the Uchiha.) Are you going to join us again this afternoon?" That is, for the afternoon Team Seven training session, which usually takes place after an hour or so lunch break after the morning mission(s). (Sometimes boss and crew end up taking multiple missions if they finish the first one quickly.)

I nodded an affirmative, noting that we've made it to the entrance of the Hokage Tower, and watched as Team Seven made their way inside. While waiting for boss to return from the assignment desk, I started juggling some of my kunai with my left hand, (my right was still holding the lunchbox,) absently adding some more to the mix once in awhile. By the time I made it up to Kunai number seven, boss made it out, so we started heading towards the top of the Hokage Monument for lunch. (Boss gave a parting wave towards Haruno as I stowed my kunai away.)

As I looked down on the village, enjoying the hustle and bustle of activity, (accompanied by boss's eating noises,) I marveled at how _large_ the whole village is, only barely make out the wall surrounding Konoha opposite the cliff face. Being shaken out of my reveries by the cessation of the steady 'munch' and 'crunch' noises from boss's direction, I turned to note that boss finished eating, (either I was more out of it than I thought, or boss eats _really_ quickly,) and is now staring at me. Tossing a brief smile in his direction, I created a clone to carry the lunchbox back to boss's apartment, and the two of us set off for Training Ground Three. (Apparently Kakashi reserved it for the exclusive use of Team Seven, so that's where we typically went for afternoon training.)

Hmm, the Uchiha actually made it here before us. Surprising, considering how quickly boss finished his lunch, I guess the trip up and down the Hokage Monument gave the Uchiha some extra time though. As I watched as boss and the Uchiha start an impromptu 'sparring session,' (I just consider it part of their never-ending practice of one-upsmanship) as is their wont when left alone, I started feeling somewhat jealous, all my Taijutsu knowledge outside of the basic katas has to be second-hand, dispelling when giving or receiving a particularly hard hit has a rather crippling effect on hands-on learning of Taijutsu. At least I'd get boss's memories of the spar next time he makes a clone though.

Good thing they finished before Haruno showed up, watching boss being knocked into the ground by an (admittedly graceful) axe kick to the shoulder would probably have set her off. (They kept the spar to Taijutsu only, never know if Kakashi would decide to do some Jutsu practice after all, (yeah right,) so the Uchiha didn't want to deplete his reserves. Boss just went along with it because he likes to be fair; boss could probably spam low ranked Jutsu all day long without making any appreciable dent in his reserves.)

Boss and I waved a greeting at Haruno, while the Uchiha gave a barely perceptible nod in her direction. Now all that's missing is Kakashi, luckily he's starting to be less late than usual after the Old Man threatened to dock his pay since his team complained about his lateness so much. (Less late than usual meaning upwards of an hour, rather than upwards of half a day. Might as well ask for the moon if you want more than that, I guess.) I noted that boss isn't fawning over Haruno much, though Haruno is still invading the Uchiha's personal space like a pro. (She probably is by now, considering how long she's been fangirling over him.)

After watching the Uchiha suffer for around half an hour, (he must be really well practiced to show nothing of what he's feeling, since he didn't twitch so much as an eyebrow the entire time, you can almost _feel_ the irritation coming off him in waves though) boss and I noticed Kakashi strolling leisurely towards the training grounds, face buried in his book as usual. I plugged my ears as Team Seven synchronized to yell a "You're late!" in his direction. You'd think they'd just assume everyone knows that by now, rather than yelling for the entire Fire Country to hear.

Kakashi just gave one of his usual excuses, (this time about helping an old lady cross the street, before having to help yet another old lady on the opposite side that needed to cross to the side he just came from, and so on,) before setting Team Seven to do a hundred laps around the clearing as 'warm-up.' (It probably is, for boss.) I joined in with a shrug after Haruno asked why I was just watching them run, easily keeping pace with boss and the Uchiha. This is partially due to my longer strides, since I'm about a full head taller than boss. It helps that I can't really get tired from exercise as long as my chakra reserves are sufficient though. (I.e. as long as I don't have more than about a dozen clones running around.) Though that reminds me, I never did figure out how my chakra reserves aren't being depleted, even though I can feel it constantly being (slightly) drained to sustain my existence. Eh, I'll think about it later.

Ninety-five laps later, boss and the Uchiha joined their sensei under a tree, having completed their hundred laps. (Boss looks about the same as when he started, except he seems slightly excited to do more training, (read, he's fidgeting like a squirrel on a sugar high,) the Uchiha is panting slightly though.) I did five more laps just to make an even hundred before joining boss under the shade with a slightly bored expression on my face, looking exactly the same as when I started. With nothing better to do, I watched Haruno finish the rest of her laps. (I think she's on lap seventy right now, for god's sake girl, we weren't running _that_ fast.)

After Haruno (finally) finished her laps, Kakashi made three Shadow Clones, assigning one to each to Genin of Team Seven, before telling them to dispel them by any means necessary. (He went back to reading his book after this, lazy bastard.) I wonder how long it would take boss and his team to figure out they're supposed to work together to dispel the clones? (Because seriously, telling Haruno to take out a Jonin's clone? Talk about impossible orders, if this isn't another lesson on team work I'll eat boss's goggles.)

As funny as watching Kakashi's clones humiliate boss's teammates without ever getting touched is, it's starting to get old after fifteen minutes. (You'd think boss's team would stop attempting frontal charges after their last thirty or so attempts ended with them getting a face full of ground, but you'd be wrong. The fireball Jutsu by the Uchiha was particularly hilarious, since that meant his mouth was open when one of Kakashi's clones slipped around the fireball and tripped him. Boss just watched all this silently, clearly waiting for the rest of his team to wise up.) "Aren't you going to give them a hint at least?" I asked Kakashi, "At this rate it's going to be nightfall before they figure out they're supposed to work together."

Kakashi lifted his nose from out of his book with a "...Huh? Did you say something?" before turning his attention back to it. I just shrugged, looks like he's not going to say anything to them then. Oh well, might as well make a production out of this since I was bored anyway. Signaling my intentions to boss with my eyes, I started walking to him slowly.

"Naruto-kun? What's gotten you down in the dumps today?" I asked with as much sweetness and fake confusion as possible, deliberately making my voice carry.

Not to be outdone, boss made puppy dog eyes, "It's because of this big meanie here," he said, pointing at his assigned clone, "he said that he won't let me eat ramen anymore, but he's too strong for me." He added, managing to fake a sniffle.

I pretended to look at the Kakashi clone carefully for a few moments, before starting, "What do we do? He's too strong for me too!" I mimed an exaggerated collapsing motion.

"It's okay Hikari-chan," boss said as he hugged me, "I'm here for you, and so is ramen."

"But it's so unfair," I began, "that only you must despair. But he's too strong for either of us alone, so what can we do?" I hugged boss even tighter at this.

"It will be alright, Hikari-chan," boss declared as he patted my head, "if we can't do it alone, then we will work together, using the power of teamwork, friendship, and ramen too!" I pretended to be knocked out of my daze by this, and started standing up, holding one of boss's hands.

"Yes!" I declared, "With the power of teamwork, friendship, and the good that is ramen, we will defeat this foe!" I pointed exaggeratedly at the Kakashi clone with my free hand, who just watched, bemused. (While the other two clones stared, clearly amused.)

"Prepare yourself, fiend," boss began, while clone stood impassive, "for your punishment shall be massive." Boss started pointing at the Kakashi clone with _his_ free hand.

"By the power of teamwork, friendship, and the divine power of ramen, we smite you!" We shouted, while I created a shuriken to nick the Kakashi in the legs, making sure to dispel it before the smoke from the dispelling clone vanished.

"Yay! Goodness has triumphed!" I declared.

"Celebrate! For evil has failed!" Boss shouted.

"With the power of teamwork, friendship, and ramen too, we have overcame this foe!" Boss and I cheered.

While the other two Kakashi clones gave polite applause, boss and I started bowing at an imaginary audience. (And also at the physically present audience, but the imaginary audience outnumbered them.) I think I heard Haruno and the Uchiha say "idiots" under their breath though. (Pots, meet kettle.)

The show seems to have done its job, since Haruno and the Uchiha joined up with boss to discuss how to dispel the last two clones. While they were doing that, I returned to the shade under the tree. (Kakashi flashed me a brief expression of amusement as I did so.) After that, it took only a few moments for Team Seven to dispel the remaining clones. (Using a plan that involved shadow clones, the fireball jutsu, a log, ninja wire, another log, an (orange!) sweater, (clone and henged) yet another log, and lastly, a cow.(henged))

Kakashi dismissed Team Seven after that, but boss and I stayed behind in the training ground to practice a bit more. While boss worked on his Kawarimi a bit more, focusing on timing it at the last possible moment, (he's already got it down to being seal-less,) I practiced hitting move targets (in the form of boss's clones) with my kunai and shuriken. (The clones practiced dodging thrown weapons, in the form of my kunai and shuriken.)

As the sun started setting, boss and I decided to call it a day. Boss dispelled any left over clones while I dispelled myself after creating a clone. (Causing all my thrown kunai and shuriken to dispel, no point leaving dangerous pointy metal stuff just lying around everywhere.) We then made our way to Ichiraku's, where boss and I had ramen. (Boss had five bowls, while I ate one.)

After making our way back to boss's apartment, boss went into the restroom to shower and brush his teeth, while I meditated on the sofa for the bit, organizing the new wave of memories I received earlier. Boss Kawarimied with a chair before the bucket I propped up earlier could hit him as he entered the bedroom, glaring at me for a bit (I smiled back as innocently as I could) before Kawariming with the chair again and crawling into bed, falling asleep immediately.


	6. Chapter 6

"Ah, Hikari, just the Genin I wanted to see." The Old Man began as I entered the Mission Assignment Room to receive today's mission, "Team Eight accepted a courier mission to Tanzaku-gai yesterday, a C-rank to deliver a shipment of (he coughed slightly) reading material today, unfortunately, one of their Genin was injured in a training accident shortly afterwards, so I've been looking for someone to take the place of Shino Aburame, would you mind doing that for me?" Always so courteous and grandfatherly, you could almost forget that he's the military dictator of the strongest of the Elemental Countries.

"Of course, Hokage-sama." I answered politely. Hmm, I wonder if this means Team Seven is going to get a C-rank soon as well? I can't imagine the Old Man giving me one without giving boss one too.

"Much appreciated," he responded after puffing on his pipe, "please meet with Team Eight at the South-Western gate by noon."

I saluted before exiting the room with a "Hai, Hokage-sama." Hmm, it's only barely nine right now, plenty of time to pack thoroughly, write a note for boss, and prepare a lunchbox. With that plan in mind, I headed back to boss's apartment to get my equipment ready.

Let's see … tent kit, check, extra kunai and shuriken, check, explosive notes… too dangerous, (Boss could probably regenerate an arm if he ever accidentally blows himself up, myself, on the other hand, don't have that option, even just losing a finger would still dispel me completely,) rope, check, (good old rope, never go on an adventure without at least fifty feet of the stuff,) ninja wire, check, first aid kit, check, (I can't really use it, but my teammates probably could,) last, but most definitely not least, a can of orange paint. (Never know when you might need more orange in your life after all.) After checking that the backpack is packed properly, I picked it up before creating a Kage Bunshin and dispelling myself, catching the backpack before it can fall to the ground. After setting the original backpack on boss's table, I set the backpack that appeared with my clone down near the door. (Have I mentioned that I love the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu? Because I do, I really do.)

After I finished making a lunchbox for boss when he comes back to the apartment, I started writing a note for him:

"Hey boss, I'm going on a mission outside the village for a bit, probably for about a day or two. The backpack on the table is packed, although you might want to add some changes of clothes and explosive notes in there.

See you soon!"

After slipping the note under the lunchbox (which I placed on the table next to the backpack,) I picked up the backpack from next to the door, absently noting it's about a quarter after eleven, (clocks, what a marvelous invention,) before exiting boss's apartment and locking the door behind me. Seeing how I had plenty of time, I walked at a leisurely pace towards the South-Eastern Gate.

Hmm, looks like I'm the first one here, not surprising, considering it's still half an hour until the appointed meeting time. Ah wait, there comes someone now; guess I'm not the only one who decided to get here early. I waved hello at Hinata, who waved hesitantly back. (She's dressed with the same cream colored hooded jacket and navy blue pants as in boss's memories. The only real difference between her appearance then and now is that she's wearing her Hitai-ate around her neck like I am.)

"... Ano, Rekka-san? Hokage-sama told us you'd be joining us for the mission today?" Hmm, either the Old Man is a bloody psychic, or Team Eight went to get a status update on the mission after I left the assignment desk. (I'm going to believe the former, if only because Old Man Hokage is awesome enough to be a psychic on top of an awesome ninja.)

"Please, Hikari is fine; we're going to be working together after all." I responded. Hmm, she isn't fidgeting as much as she usually does in boss's memories, wonder why? I didn't even hear her stutter earlier.

"Arigatou Hikari-san, I know it must have been rather short notice, Kiba and Shino got a little rougher than usual during sparring yesterday." Hmm, guess it's too much to expect someone from a noble clan to drop the honorifics when talking to a virtual stranger.

"My condolences to your teammate," I started with a slight incline of my head, "is that Kiba coming up now?" It was a rhetorical question, naturally, kind of difficult to mistake one of the (so very) few people who ever hung out with boss swaggering up to us. (Like Hinata, he looks almost identical to boss's memories, with a grey hooded coat and dark grey pants, complete with Akamaru perched lazily on his head, as is his wont when not peeking out from Kiba's jacket. Likewise, the only real difference in his appearance is that he's wearing his Hitai-ate around his forehead like boss.)

Akamaru gave a few quick barks in Hinata's direction as a greeting before focusing his attention on me, craning his head slightly. Kiba just gave a gruff "Hello" to Hinata (who gave a small wave in return) before turning his attention to me at a bark from Akamaru. (I guess we know who's the brains in that relationship now.) "Hey, hey! How come you don't smell like anything, huh? It's like you're a damn ghost or something." Akamaru barked his agreement of that statement, where Hinata just looked horrified at his rudeness, probably scared he'll scare me away or something.

"Who says I'm not?" I responded with a small smirk, noting that Hinata calmed down after seeing I'm not offended. "But in all seriousness," I continued as I noticed that Kiba looked like he was about to make his displeasure about that answer known in a loud and vocal manner, "hiding one's scent is one of the vital skills of a shinobi, where sound and sight disappear as soon as one leaves the area, scent could allow a skilled tracker to hunt you days after you've left the area." I finished with a small nod in Akamaru's direction, and Kiba calmed down, clearly mollified by my subtle compliment. (In actuality, my lack of scent is most likely because I'm a clone, but they don't need to know that.)

"So you're Hikari right? The Hokage said that you'd be taking Shino's place for this mission. I've accidentally gone a bit overboard in sparring yesterday, didn't expect an Aburame to be so good at Taijutsu, so I went all out." He said with a laugh. Akamaru just barked down at him, slightly disproving.

I nodded, "I hope your teammate's recovering well?" I don't really care either way, but boss would, so I figured I might as well say his bit for him.

Kiba answered with a strong shake of his head, "Yeah, he's already let out of the hospital and everything, Hinata-chan here's medicinal cream worked wonders. (Hinata gave a cute blush at this.) He's really only kept from the mission because the doctors told him to take it easy for a few days, sucks to be him, it's Team Eights first C-rank after all!"

We continued making small talk, (with Akamaru joining in occasionally with his barks,) until Yuhi-Jonin made her way to the gates just as the village bell towers started striking twelve. (That's some punctuality she has, too bad boss doesn't have a Jonin-sensei like her, legendary skills as a shinobi aside, an actually present instructor is far better than an absent one, however legendary.) As Kiba and Akamaru barked a greeting at her, with Hinata joining in with a soft "hello," I made a polite bow in her direction.

"All right team," she began crisply, after acknowledging our greeting with a small nod, "we'll be making our way to Tanzaku-gai with a shipment of books for one of the local bookstores, (she held up a storage scroll containing said books for emphasis) after delivering the books, we will stay in one of the local inns before returning to Konoha in the morning. Any questions?" As we all shook our heads no in response, she continued, "Since everyone's ready, let's move out!" With that, we set off towards Tanzaku-gai at a sprint.

When people think of hiring ninja for missions, transporting a large volume of goods is probably the last thing that comes to mind. Assassination, sure, retrieval of lost items, sure, painting fences, (probably only those who live in a ninja village will feel comfortable with requesting that mission, but) sure, protection of a caravan carrying a large amount of goods, certainly. But actually moving a bunch of items ourselves? That probably clashes with their image of shinobi as always traveling light; we're not samurai after all. Thus it probably comes as a surprise that not only do we accept missions that involve transporting large amounts of goods, we actually offer comparable rates to more civilian moving companies. (This is especially surprising since ninja deliveries tend to be far quicker and far more reliable as well, not only does a team of ninja move far faster than any civilian transport company, but also only the most desperate or stupid group of bandits or highwaymen would attempt to waylay a ninja squad.) Of course, this is all thanks to the easy availability (to ninjas) of storage scrolls; we're never seen carrying a large amount of goods because they're always sealed inside of easy to carry scrolls. Civilians, being unable to provide the necessary chakra to seal and unseal items from storage scrolls almost never think of them, so demand for ninja transportation of goods tend to be fairly low, hence the low price of delivery missions.

Hmm, we've been moving at a pretty rapid pace for almost a few hours now, while it's expected for Yuhi-Jonin to be able to keep up this pace (this probably isn't even a warm-up for her) it's somewhat surprising that her Genin team is able to do so as well. I guess it's somewhat expected that Kiba, being an Inuzuka with their focus on power, speed, and stamina for their Taijutsu, would take to running like a fish to water, but Hinata being able to keep pace just as well, if not better than him is rather unexpected. (Seriously, why wasn't she the Kunoichi of the year? Having her on the team with boss rather than Haruno would've been great. You'd think being this athletic would make her easily push Haruno out of the top Kunoichi position, but apparently you'd be wrong. … What the heck is up with our Academy ranking system?)

It was with this thought in my mind that I received the memories of boss enacting a seat-of-his-pants style plan against an A-ranked missing-nin, (boss at his best, he always seems to think faster when the adrenaline is flowing) causing me to stumble briefly before recovering. This garnered me concerned looks in my direction from the rest of the team, but I quickly reassured them all with a brief "I'm okay." Hmm, Kakashi trapped, Haruno useless, (not that I really needed the memories to tell me _that,_) with boss attempting an almost suicidal plan with the Uchiha's help, I wonder how this would turn out. (You'd think it's rather blasé of me to seem so unconcerned about boss's possible death, but aside from looking east with concern there's really nothing else I can do. …Although, if I dispelled myself without having another clone out, maybe my chakra would go back to boss? Eh, I don't know if that would even work that way, I really need to go read over the Forbidden Scroll again when we get back to Konoha. Hopefully boss will make it out of this alright.)

"So…" I began, as if making small talk, "who do you think would win in a fight between Hatake 'Sharingan' Kakashi and Zabuza 'Demon of the Hidden Mist' Momochi?" Considering we've spent the last few hours running in silence, the puzzled looks I got in my direction isn't unexpected.

"What brought this on?" Kurenai asked after a brief silence, being the only one not short on breath due to running. (Other than me that is, but then again, do I even need to breathe? Sure I'm making breathing sounds to keep up appearances, but I don't really know if I _need_ to. The clone that dispelled yesterday while making choking noises was just playing along, I couldn't _actually_ choke clones just by miming a choking motion in their direction.)

I shrugged before answering, "just a thought that popped into my head." The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even if completely misleading.

Yuhi-Jonin just shrugged like she's used to stuff like this, (which she probably is, she works with _Kakashi_ after all,) while her team watched bemusedly. "While Zabuza is one of the stronger missing-nins out there," she started afterwards, "Kakashi is one of the strongest Jonin in the village, A-rank, borderline S, really all he's missing is the drive to excel, otherwise he'd be easily S-ranked by now, he's really just coasting along on his past excellence as a young 'genius.'" Seems like boss would be fine then, assuming that his plan worked and he got Kakashi out successfully. (Which it probably did, since I'd imagine that the Kage Bunshin, like most other Ninjutsu, ends with the caster's death, and I'm still here.)

The rest of the trip was made in silence except for the huffing noises of the other two Genin. (We slowed down slightly to accommodate their depleting stamina, but not by much, Team Eight is surprisingly athletic, since I think Yuhi has a focus on Genjutsu? But then again, keeping oneself fit is the basics of a shinobi, and her training regimen probably reflects that.) I carefully kept my anxiety from showing on my face during that time, no point in getting the rest of the team worried if it wouldn't do anything for boss after all. Dammit boss, couldn't you at least dispel a clone to tell me you're alright? Sigh, he's probably just too excited from a battle of high level ninja to think of minor details like this, or so I hope.

"Ah, are you the delivery team for Jiraiya-sama's books?" The store clerk (male, five foot six, middle aged, uninteresting, probably not a threat, though I won't declare _anyone_ not a threat until I decapitated them, sealed the remains in a scroll, burnt the scroll to ashes, and moved to a another continent. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you after all, and this is definitely not a reaction from watching all those zombie movies last night,) asked as we entered the bookstore, "Please just place them on the display table over here. It's fine to leave the scroll under the books after you unseal them." He pointed at the extremely large table about five meters from the entrance. Hmm, why would one of the legendary 'Sannin' be writing books? Actually, maybe he owns this book store? That _would_ explain why the store knows to request ninja to deliver the books rather than using our civilian counterparts.

After Yuhi unsealed the books with a flare of chakra, (giving a quickly hidden look of distaste in the process,) I noticed that they're orange like the book Kakashi's always reading, though the cover seems slightly different, maybe it's another book in the same series? Curious, I moved closer to the table, noting that the book is authored by Jiraiya in the process, (guess he _did_ write the books after all, though I guess that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't own the bookstore,) and picked one up, noting that Yuhi was giving me a horrified stare as I did so. Slightly more interested, I started leafing through the book, (apparently it's called Icha Icha Paradise, odd name,) oh … well this explains the Hokage's cough before saying 'reading material,' (and here I thought it was just the pipe smoke getting to him,) as well as Yuhi's horrified stare. I just stood there, somewhat bemused, as the clerk forced the book into my hands after I set it down, saying that, "Jiraiya-sama would never forgive me if I made a pretty lady like you pay for his work of art."

… Great, apparently boss's sensei is a pervert, and flaunting it in public, and so is one of the legendary 'Sannin.' And now Yuhi probably thinks I'm a pervert too, though hopefully her team doesn't know what's in the contents of the book I just got. (Judging by their slightly curious glances at it as I put it away into my equipment pouch, they don't.) I think I should go die now, preferably after figuring out how to stop my memories from returning to boss along with my chakra. (That _is_ how I'm getting the memories from the clones of boss and I right?) I resolved to burn the book at the first opportunity I get. Boss must _never_ know of this.

As Yuhi ordered us three rooms for the night at a nearby inn, (Kiba and Yuhi have their own rooms, I'm sharing with Hinata,) shooting me suspicious glances as she did so, (Dammit ma'am, I am not a pervert!) Kiba gave an exaggerated cheer, (as Akamaru barked his agreement) "Yes! I don't have to share bed space with Shino and his bugs! Why did I have to share a tent with him during our survival exercise anyway?" I'd giggle at him to make him uncomfortable for what he just revealed to an 'outsider' of the team, but I have enough on my plate making Yuhi think I'm a pervert like the damned Hatake without adding more to it.

"…Ano," Hinata began, "It's because you always forget to pack your own tent Kiba. You should really thank Shino for always sharing." Kiba growled at the reminder of his forgetfulness.

"But, but, he has bugs! Under his skin! Why can't I share with you Hinata? You're nice." Kiba almost-yelled, I moved to smack him in the back of the head.

"Do I _really_ need to tell you why it's 'inappropriate' (complete with finger quoting action!) for you to sleep with a girl on a camping trip?" I said, letting off a slight wave of killing intent. (For some reason, and I don't think it's the killing intent, Yuhi frowned at me even more at this. …Great, she probably thinks I'm doing this because I'm a lesbian or something, I want to go off into a corner and cry now.) Kiba looks appropriately chastened.

"…Ano," Hinata started, blushing fiercely, "Kiba doesn't really mean anything by that. Let's just go to our rooms." Ah the peacemaker, I'm liking her a lot more than Haruno already … as a friend! As a friend! Yuhi, if you're reading my mind right now, I like Hinata as a friend _only_, alright? (I only realized belatedly that if she could read my mind she'd also know that I'm not a raging pervert. Sigh, god dammit, even my own thoughts are embarrassing me.)

As Hinata and I made our way to our room, I carefully kept my distance, no need to at more fuel to the fire of 'Hikari Rekka is a raging pervert' after all. Luckily, Hinata either didn't notice my intentional distancing or is too polite to call me on it. (She is a goddess, my rock in this cruel world intent on humiliating me as much as possible.) I breathed a sigh of relief as we closed the door to our room, at least I'm alone with Hinata right now, I can't even _imagine_ how awkward sharing a room with Yuhi would be right now.

Hmm, looks like there's a small kitchen attached to the room, I have a source of fire now, good. (Next time I really need to pack something to make fire with, I only realized that I should really pack some matches or something when I realized I'm not with Team Seven, the Uchiha is always good for setting stuff on fire, after all.) Opening the fridge, (to pretend that I'm not in the kitchen just to burn a book) I noted that it's actually well stocked with enough fruits, vegetables, eggs, and poultry for a decent meal, and is that a small bag of rice I see next to the rice cooker? Guess dinner is self served then, good thing I had lots of practice from cooking for boss.

"Hey Hinata, I'm going to make some food, that fine with you?" I asked as I poked my head out of the door separating the kitchen from the room proper.

"Ah … Arigatou Hikari-san, would you like me to help?" She asked as she stood up. (She was meditating as I searched through the kitchens) Well damn, now she's going to see me burn the book, I was planning to hide by using my cooking to mask the burning smell of paper. Would be rather rude to refuse though…

"Sure, if you'll wash the vegetables and the chicken in the fridge that would be great." I said as I started taking out the book, (shedding a tear for the small bit of orange that would soon disappear from this cruel world,) if she sees it, she sees it, I guess.

As she started washing the ingredients like I asked, I turned on one of the burners on the stove, and set the book on fire, frowning as I watched the orange cover change from the bright, vivid color, to the dead, grey color of ashes. She gave me a puzzled expression, but was too polite to ask anything, so I said. "I don't want to talk about it." Accepting this, she turned back to washing the rest of the ingredients while I got out the frying pan, a container of oil, and some condiments. Deciding that I wasn't up to anything more complicated than fried rice today, I dumped the entirety of the small bag of rice into the pot inside the rice cooker before washing the rice and leaving the rice cooker to do its thing.

As I got a bowl out to hold the eggs from the refrigerator, I absently noted that Hinata went back into the main room, probably to meditate again, so that she wouldn't disturb me as I worked. Giving a small shrug, I poured a bit of oil into the frying pan I left on the fire earlier, (it's not non-stick, so don't sue me over safety issues,) before dumping all the chopped vegetables and the chicken bits into the pan. (Hinata chopped them all up for me before she left, she works fast, has she ever cooked before?)

For a few minutes I just stood there, enjoying the merry crackling of oil meeting the water in the vegetables, absently stirring the vegetables in the pan once in awhile so that I don't burn anything. (I added some salt, pepper, and other spices as I stirred, so that they end up distributed evenly.) I was broken out of the comfortable daze I wasn't aware I settled in by the 'ding' sound of the rice cooker, informing me that the rice was done. Deciding not to risk burning the vegetables as I messed with the rice, I created a clone to continue handling the cooking vegetables while I worked on the rice.

Hmm, I need a really big bowl for what I'm about to do next … Ah! There's one, grabbing the bowl, I unceremoniously dumped the entire contents of the pot of rice into the bowl, before breaking a few eggs to add their whites and yolks into the mix, absently tossing the shells into the trash-bin. (Three cheers for perfect aim.) I took the wooden spatula from my clone for what I'm about to do next, (she frowned as I told her to use a pair of chopsticks to stir the vegetables in the meantime, I don't blame her, the wok is rather large after all, using a chopstick means she actually has to lower her hand until it feels like it's _inside_ the wok,) fortunately for my clone, I only needed the spatula to evenly distribute the eggs among the rice, so I gave it back to her after a few moments. Unfortunately for her, I started adding the rice to the wok immediately afterwards, so she had to race to make sure all the rice and vegetables mixed evenly, shooting me a glare as she did so. (Well, tough, at least you aren't using chopsticks.) Since I'm not really needed anymore, I decided to go see what Hinata's doing.

"Hey," I started, watching Hinata jolt out of her trance, "how's it going?"

"…Ano, I'm fine, since you're outside, does that mean the food is done?" She replied after getting her bearings again.

"Nah," I started, "I got a Kage Bunshin working the wok right now, the fried rice will be done in about another quarter hour or thereabouts, I think."

"Oh…" she began, "I wasn't aware any Genin other than Naruto-kun had the reserves for Kage Bunshin."

I shrugged before part of the sentence caught up to me, "Oh? Naruto-_kun_ was it? I wasn't aware you two were so … _intimate_ with each other." I teased.

She blushed red as a tomato at what she unwittingly revealed, before stuttering, "…Ah… It-t's ju-ust th-hat, th-hat" and falling into an embarrassed silence.

While my normal inclination would be to ask 'What's that?', seeing how she, however unknowingly, helped out with my own embarrassment earlier, I decided not to push it. Although I guess this does explain why she was stuttering in most of boss's memories. I wonder if the correct thing to do here would be to expose her to boss _more_, so she gets more used to boss's presence, or to keep her away from boss, so that she doesn't relapse. I'd ask boss, but this is kind of personal, and I don't imagine boss would like me revealing this kind of stuff to outsiders. (Rather odd, imagining boss as an 'outsider.')

"Hmm, looks like the fried rice is done," I declared, as I got the memories from my dispelled clone. "I think I made a bit too much, actually. Could you go ask Yuhi-Jonin if she wants some? I'll go ask Kiba." With that, Hinata bolted out the door, clearly glad to get away from the site of her embarrassment. Chuckling slightly, I started making my way to Kiba's room, closing the door to our room as I did so.

"Hey, hey!" I semi-yelled, (we _are_ indoors after all,) as I knocked on Kiba's door, "I've made a bit too much fried rice, would you like to have some?"

"Oh thank god!" Kiba did yell, "I almost panicked when I realized we're supposed to cook for ourselves, I can't cook to save my life." Akamaru barked his agreement from Kiba's jacket at this.

I rolled my eyes a bit before answering, "You should really learn to cook for yourself you know, if you'll just give me a bowl from your kitchen, I'll fill it up for you." And as an afterthought, I added, "actually, if you give me two, I'll get some for Akamaru as well." Can dogs even eat fried rice? That wasn't exactly a course covered in the academy, I guess an Inuzuka would know better than I do though, and I imagine that Akamaru would know best.

"You're just like my sister you know? Always saying I should do this, or I should do that." He huffed (though not actually annoyed,) as he went to get the bowl(s). After a few moments, he returned with two of them, I guess dogs _can_ eat fried rice after all. (Assuming that Inuzuka hounds aren't substantially different from regular dogs that is, which I guess they might be, considering that they're apparently smart enough to understand human speech, and 'talk' in their fashion.)

I quickly returned with two filled bowls, and told the ever grateful Akamaru and his human that they can repay me by sending up whatever they have in the fridge tomorrow morning, so I have the ingredients to make breakfast, before returning to my room.

"…Ano," Hinata started as I opened the door, "Kurenai-sensei traded half of the fish she made for the bowl of fried rice, she told me to give you her compliments, it smelled really nice." I just nodded, acknowledging the information, before sitting across from her.

We quickly finished the meal in companionable silence, which was only broken by me insisting that she eat the fish. (Not like I really need a well balanced diet or anything, after all.) Afterwards we brushed our teeth and showered (I showered first, since she insisted, and I humored her,) and got into our beds, me to sort out the various new memories I got today, and she to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Bored, bored, bored, bored. So, bloody, bored. Sigh, if I knew being stuck pretending to sleep was going to be so boring, I would've brought some books (or at least clones thereof) from the Konoha Library. Ugh, who knew being able to process information faster than real-time inside my mind-space was going to have a _downside_? I must've rewatched the zombie movies at least twelve times already! (I started replaying the movies inside my mind after I sorted through the memories I got from boss's clones, remembering walking with a grouchy, hung-over, old man wasn't exactly on my to do list when I started on this mission.) Sigh … at least it's almost morning now, if the increasing brightness of the room is any indication.

"Hey, hey!" Kiba's voice rang out as a loud knocking sound came from the door, "the Kiba-man has come with a delivery for the ladies!" … Please tell me he did not just yell that out loud for the entire inn to hear, I thought as I quickly got out of my bed, glancing at Hinata to see that she's still asleep. (Though she seems to be stirring slightly.) Better quiet him down quickly.

I gave him a quick rap on the head (Akamaru was in his jacket) after I opened the door. "Quiet down," I hissed, "some of us are trying to sleep right now, this is an Inn, it's like six in the morning. That means you should be quiet, got it?" I hit him on the head again since it looked like he was about to yell an affirmative, "_quieter_," I whispered with emphasis.

"Sorry about that," he started, (thankfully not loud enough to wake the dead,) "but me an' Akamaru are used to waking up early for our morning jogs, ain't that right Akamaru?" He said as he patted Akamaru on the head, who gave a soft bark as affirmation. "By the way, why are you in pajamas right now?" He added as an afterthought.

I gave him my best deadpan stare before starting, "maybe because I was still in bed when you started that inferno racket of yours?" I created a clone wearing pajamas after I got out of the showers last night. And then, just for the heck of it, I decided to see if I can dispel a clone without dispelling everything she appeared with, so I stripped the pajamas off the clone before dispelling her. Turns out, I _could_ in fact keep only part of a clone; also, being forcibly stripped of your clothes by someone that looks just like you is kind of jarring. Have to remember to just ask next time.

Shaking my head clear of the memory, I pointed at a box by Kiba's feet before asking: "So… is that the 'delivery'? Incidentally, never use the words Kiba-man, ladies, and delivery in the same sentence ever again. In fact, it would be great if you never said the phrase 'Kiba-man,' _ever_, after this."

Kiba nodded an affirmative at my question, before prompting Akamaru to give me puppy dog eyes from inside his jacket. "But _Hikari-chan_…. how else would the world learn of the greatness that is the Kiba-meister? Are you really going to deny the ladies of the world the pure awesomeness that is the Kiba-man delivery company?" He said while puffing out his chest, simultaneously reinforcing his 'awesomeness' and bringing Akamaru's puppy dog eyes closer to my face.

I gave the pair an exasperated smile before shrugging. "Whatever, I'll see what I can do with the stuff you brought me. Hinata or I will come get you after she wakes up and I finish making breakfast, which will probably be in an hour or so. So I'll see you then." With that, I leaned down to grab the box of foodstuffs and made my way to the kitchen. (Though not without waving goodbye to Akamaru and shutting the door behind me.)

Let's see… miso, scallions, nori, (seaweed,) tofu, some more fruits, some more eggs, some beef, (kind of surprising that Akamaru or Kiba didn't just eat this raw,) a package of rice, (naturally,) milk, and… a carton of flour? Huh, wonder why the contents of our fridges are so different. Leaving the beef aside, (that can be Akamaru's breakfast,) I can probably make some miso soup and scallion pancakes with what I have. (Isn't it convenient how the inn provides me exactly what I need without anything left over?) Well, better get cooking I guess.

After carefully closing the door leading to the attached kitchen, (so that I don't wake Hinata with the smoke and noise from my cooking,) I created a clone to get started on the miso soup while I worked on the pancake batter.

Hmm … feels like there's about enough flour for four pancakes in the bag, guess that makes dividing up the food really easy if I invite Yuhi too. Shrugging, I dumped the flour into the bowl I used to mix the rice and eggs yesterday, and added about a cup of water into the mix. After mixing the proto-dough until it became smooth, I took it out from the bowl and started kneading the dough on the chopping board. (I coated the board with some of the still dry flour left in the bowl.) Double over, press down, double over, press down, hmm … looks like it's smooth and elastic enough now, after coating the ball of dough with a small amount of the oil I found yesterday, I put it back into the bowl, and then covered bowl with a wet cloth.

Knife, I need a knife, there! Okay, chopping implement obtained, where's the scallions? Ah, here we go.

After chopping the scallions into bits of about half a centimeter in length, I paused to note that the miso soup is almost done, if the pleasant aroma is any indication. As my clone lidded the pot the soup's in, (turning the fire to the lowest setting simultaneously,) I absently noted that Hinata is awake and brushing her teeth. No need to keep the door closed anymore I guess, so I left my clone in the kitchen to watch over the soup and dough and moved into the main room.

"Hey," I waved at Hinata as she exited the restroom and sat down across from me at the table, (she returned the greeting with a still sleepy "hello" in my direction,) "I'm making breakfast right now, does miso soup and pancakes sound good to you?"

She nodded, "That sounds nice Hikari-san, arigatou, is there anything I can do to help?"

I shrugged slightly, "if you'd like, you can wash some of the fruits Kiba brought up, I think there's some in the fridge too." Fruit with _breakfast_? Blasphemy, ramen is the one true food. Though in all seriousness, fruits probably _would_ be alright for dessert.

With that, Hinata got up to start washing the fruit, pausing slightly before she entered the kitchen and turning her head at me, I mouthed 'Kage Bunshin' at her, guessing that she was probably surprised by my clone. (Since she went in to wash the fruits after that, I'm thinking that was indeed the case.) Hmm, the dough probably sat for long enough by now, so I dispelled myself to take my clone's place.

After turning off the fire under the miso soup, I turned to the bowl of dough. I split the ball of dough into four pieces of roughly equal side before taking one of the pieces and rolling it into a vaguely rectangular shape on an oiled baking sheet. That done, I spread about a quarter of the chopped scallions and some salt over the rectangular dough sheet, before rolling it up, coiling it, and rolling it into a circular pancake.

I prepared the other three pieces the same way before fishing out a smaller frying pan than the wok I used yesterday. (The semi-spherical shape won't work too well for this.) After heating it over medium-high fire for a bit, I poured a bit of oil into the pan, waiting for the oil to shimmer slightly before gently easing one of the pancakes into the pan. Hmm, looks like Hinata's done washing the fruits now, and is carrying them out in a plate. Well the pancakes shouldn't take more than four minutes each, so I guess I'll go get the rest of Team Eight and tell them that breakfast is ready. With that, I left a clone in the kitchen to handle the pancakes and walked into the main room.

"Hey Hinata," I started as I walked by her, "would you mind if I invited Yuhi-Jonin and Kiba over for breakfast? I kind of promised Kiba I'd make breakfast for him and it feels rude not to invite your sensei if we're having breakfast together."

"Ano… that sounds fine Hikari-san," Hinata started, "are you… getting them while wearing your pajamas though?" Oh, right, I'm still in my pajamas aren't I? With a quick "thanks for reminding me," I went into the restroom to 'change.' (I just made a clone wearing the yellow shirt and orange skirt I usually wore and took her place.) With that done, I walked out from our room.

Okay, calm down, hopefully the lack of Hinata's screaming sounds during the night convinced Yuhi that I'm not corrupting her innocent protégé. (I'd much rather that Yuhi understand that I'm _not_ a damned pervert, thank you very much, but I'll take anything I can get right now.) Ugh, why didn't I send a clone, (like the one I sent to get Kiba,) or better yet, Hinata, to do this? (Because Hinata was still in her pajamas, that's why. Shut up brain, not helping.) Sigh, might as well get this over with, I thought as I moved to knock on the door.

"Yes?" came Yuhi's voice from inside the room, crisp and clear, somehow managing to convey mild curiosity and a subtle threat against wasting her time simultaneously. Gah, why did I think this was a good idea again? The last thing I need is for her to be even more annoyed at me.

"Um… if you wouldn't mind, would you like to eat breakfast with me and the rest of Team Eight? I made miso soup and pancakes." I said quietly, while chanting 'please don't kill me,' 'please don't kill me,' in the back of my mind.

I gave a small 'eep' when the door suddenly opened, and I found myself face to face with terrifying red eyes. Thankfully, the eyes immediately softened upon noticing how scared I was, and Yuhi started in a concerned voice, "Are you okay? Anything wrong?" Okay, looks like she isn't about to flay me alive for being a pervert, I should try to calm down.

Considering neither "I'm not a bloody pervert!" nor "Nothing's wrong, except the minor fact that I'm terrified that you're going to visit all sorts of horrors on me with your Genjutsu for being a pervert." is going to go over well, I decided to go with a toned down version of the latter: "It's just… you're not about to use your Genjutsu skills to send me into a coma are you?"

"…Why would I want to put you in a coma?" came the confused reply. Huh, am I missing something here? Last I checked you were _very_ annoyed at me, if all the frowns I was getting last night is any indication, unless they weren't meant for me? Hmm, I _guess_ they could've been directed towards Kiba (who was right next to me) after his 'sleeping with Hinata' comment, but that still doesn't explain the glares before that. Whatever, don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

"Ah, ha, ha," I started sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck as I did so, "sorry, I think all the horror movies I've been watching recently has gotten to me. But since you're not going to Genjutsu me into next year, would you like to have breakfast with us?"

"Sure, I'll be down in a few minutes." Kurenai replied, likely bemused by my antics, before closing the door behind her to (presumably) get ready. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I headed down the stairs to meet up with the others.

Ooh, someone, (I'm guessing Hinata,) set up the table for the four of us, there's a slightly steaming bowl of miso next to an empty plate and glass in each of the cardinal directions, a plate of fruit was in the center of the table. "Kurenai-Jonin says she'll be down in a few minutes," I said with a small wave to Hinata, Akamaru, and Kiba, (Hinata's in the western chair, Akamaru's on Kiba's head, and Kiba's seated opposite Hinata,) "So I guess I might as well start serving the pancakes." With that, I turned into the kitchen, absently dispelling the clone inside.

"So then I was like, you shall not pass, and Akamaru was like 'rawr,' and then when Naruto tried to run through us while holding the paint cans, Akamaru bit him on the leg, tripping him." Was my accompaniment as I divided up the pancakes and milk, (and gave a bowl containing the beef to Akamaru,) hmm, I think I vaguely recall this from boss's memories actually, didn't boss end up spilling all the paint over a passing ANBU? "And then, just as the paint can was about to spill everything on him, some random ANBU tripped up over Naruto's body, and the orange paint spilled all over the ANBU instead! I have no idea how the ANBU missed Naruto, since the only way he could get more visible is by holding up a sign or something, but whatever." Akamaru, Kiba, and I shared a laugh over this. (Well, Akamaru barked, but you know what I mean.)

"…Ano, I hope everyone was alright?" Hinata asked after we settled down.

Kiba shrugged a bit before replying, "Probably, I mean Naruto wasn't really that hurt, and I think I smelled paint from some of the ANBU for weeks after that, so the ANBU was probably fine, unless the paint smell was from another one of Naruto's pranks or something." I don't know about the ANBU that tripped over boss, but the paint smell? That was _definitely_ one of boss's pranks.

"Glad to see you're all getting along," Kurenai said as she entered, taking the northern chair, opposite mine, "we'll head back to Konoha after the meal, and if we make it back in time, we'll do some training in Training Ground Fourteen." With that, we started on our breakfast with a quick "itadakimasu."

As I worked on finishing my pancake, (I was ripping pieces off of it with my chopsticks before dipping the pieces in the miso soup and eating them,) I asked Kurenai a question, "Excuse me, Kurenai-Jonin? Would it be fine if I joined your team for the training session after we get back to Konoha? The people I usually train with are out of town for the time being." (At least, that's what I'm assuming, since boss is supposed to be guarding Tazuna until his bridge is finished, and something like that should take far more than two days.)

"That's fine, assuming none of you have any complaints?" Kurenai asked as she looked at her Genin.

Hinata just shook her head no, though Kiba was more vocal in his approval, "That sounds great! I've been wanting to see what you can do anyways Hikari, not many people can keep up with me an' Akamaru in running you know?" Akamaru barked his agreement at this.

The rest of the meal passed with us making small talk at each other. After draining our glasses of the milk, each of us took a fruit from the plate in the center. (Kiba took two, presumably one's for Akamaru, I took an orange, for obvious reasons.) As Kiba and Kurenai left for their rooms, I went to pick up my backpack before settling in to watch Hinata pack her stuff. Less than two minutes later, we were both ready to go, so we went to the entrance of the inn to wait for the rest of Team Eight.

We headed out from the town of Tanzaku Quarters soon afterwards, setting course back to Konoha at the same pace as yesterday. Luckily, this time I wasn't interrupted in the middle of it by the memories of boss being in a fight for his life. (Although I do wish that boss had sent me an update by now, seriously, you'd think that he'd at least use a clone for _something_ during this time, but apparently not.) Sigh, I'll have to remember to ask the Old Man for permission to read up on the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu tomorrow, since it looks like boss won't remember to send me updates when he's on missions unless I remind him somehow. Hmm, it took around five hours to get to Tanzaku-gai yesterday, and we set out at eight, so looks like we'll be home just after noon.

"You know, I half expected an A-rank missing-nin to jump out of the bushes or something on our way here." I stated as we approached the village gates, "it just seems like the kind of thing that should happen on our first C-rank mission." The fact that boss got attacked by Zabuza Momochi might have something to do with this belief, but I had a feeling that something like that is supposed to happen regardless.

"Hah, if a missing-nin really did show up me an' Akamaru would've kicked his butt," Kiba barked, "ain't that right Akamaru?" Akamaru barked up from beside Kiba at this statement.

"…Ano, I'm not sure that would've been the best thing to do, Kiba. Shouldn't we let sensei handle it if a Jonin level enemy shinobi appeared?" Hinata added, a bit hesitantly.

"Don't sell yourself short Hinata, you and the rest of Team Eight did well enough against me during the Hidden Exam after all," Kurenai began, as we slowed down before entering the gates, "while I wouldn't necessarily expect that you take down an A-ranked enemy on your first try, I have faith that you guys can hold your own. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to give my mission report to the Hokage. Meet me at Training Ground Fourteen at two, that should give you guys plenty of time for a quick lunch break, make sure to get Shino if he's ready to begin training again." With that, she left for the Hokage Tower in a Shunshin.

"All right, time to tell mom an' sis I'm back from my first C-rank mission!" Kiba shouted, pumping his fists into the sky, and started for the Inuzuka compound with Akamaru following.

"…Ano, I need to tell Father I have returned as well. I will see you at the training ground Hikari-san." Hinata said with a polite bow before walking slowly towards the Hyuuga Clan Compound.

Hmm, I don't really need to eat anything, so I suppose I might as well head to Training Ground Fourteen now. I dispelled the backpack I'm wearing before heading towards the training ground at a brisk run.

Let's see… there's no real need for throwing practice, I've got the Henge and Kawarimi down pat, (the latter is mostly thanks to boss's memories of the training he did with it,) I don't feel like putting myself into a coma with more Kage Bunshin practice, (once was enough, thank you very much,) so… I guess I might as well try to get in some Taijutsu practice? Even if I can't use the art to its fullest capacity, there's no point just being beaten around like a mannequin (I'd just dispel on the first good hit they land, but it's the thought that counts) if anyone ever forces me into close quarters combat after all. With that thought, I started moving through the academy katas, taking care to adjust for my greater height in comparison to boss as I did so. (If I moved just like boss would I have a feeling I'd be horribly off balance due to our different centers of gravity, not to mention it would be a waste of my greater reach.)

"Hey, hey!" Kiba shouted as he approached the training ground, flanked by his two teammates. (Akamaru is perched on his head lazily, and gave me a bark when I turned to wave at them.)

"Ano… I hope we're not interrupting anything?" Hinata asked since I stopped moving through my katas once Kiba greeted me.

"I do not believe we are interrupting Hikari Rekka. Why? Because she did not exhibit any signs of irritability or surprise as she turned to greet us." This was Shino, who pushed up his glasses to punctuate his statement. Hmm, kind of weird to be looking him straight in the eye, since boss is about a full head shorter than Shino, and boss's memories reflect that. (Shino is wearing the typical Aburame outfit of a sea-green jacket with upturned collar, sunglasses, and dark shinobi pants. Like with his teammates, the only real difference in his appearance from boss's memories is that he's wearing his Hitai-ate over his forehead. Forehead protectors being worn to protect foreheads? What kind of crazy ideas will they think up next?)

"It's fine," I started, "I was getting bored practicing my katas alone anyway. So it looks like Shino is recovered enough for training?" I finished with a nod in Shino's direction.

Shino gave a curt nod before answering, "It is my understanding that I should continue with my shinobi training. Why? Because failing to exercise after a sprain prolongs the recovery time unnecessarily, though I will likely refrain from sparring until I'm fully recovered." We all gave small nods at this, basic first aid and medical knowledge is a required lesson at the academy after all. (Even Akamaru pitched in with a small bark from atop Kiba.)

"Hah, at least you got to rest for a bit," Kiba started, "whenever I got injured during clan training, mom or sis just tells me to walk it off. Though only when it isn't that serious, I _still_ remember the time that sis had to rush me to the hospital after I fell the wrong way off a tree." He finished with a small smile at the memory.

I gave a small shrug, before asking, "does one of you have the time? I've been out here for awhile now and lost track of it."

"Ano… it was almost a quarter till two when we went to see Shino, so I think Kurenai-Sensei will be here in about ten minutes." Hinata answered, after closing her eyes for a bit to recall the memory.

"Plenty of time for a quick spar then!" Kiba shouted, "comon Hikari, I'll even go easy on you, Akamaru won't join in for this fight." He finished as he started dragging me towards a circular clearing. (The clearing is deliberately kept free of grass, being composed of brown, compact earth, probably for this exact purpose.)

"Alright, alright," I laughed slightly, before creating a clone and sending her outside the ring, "I hope you don't mind me using a clone to observe do you? I don't really get many chances to review my Taijutsu. It's not exactly my chosen field after all." Well actually the clone's just in case I get dispelled during the spar, hopefully that won't come up though.

"Sure, sure," Kiba gave a dismissive wave as Hinata and Shino settled in next to my clone to observe, (Akamaru leapt into my clones lap, and she absently scratched the back of his ears while looking at us.) "So let's get started then!" With that, Kiba started with a headlong charge.

Hmm, fast, but… "too straightforward." With a quick half-step to the right, I easily avoided his initial lunge before starting to push his hand to left, hoping to disrupt his balance before using his own momentum to trip him up. Whoa, that's some scary reflexes, he managed to bring his _other_ hand up in a blow that would've gotten me clear in the face if I didn't start bending over like I was playing limbo or something. Fortunately, he disrupted his own balance sufficiently with that stunt that I had the time to grab both of his hands and _tugged_. Barely managing to slide out of the way before he fell on me, I turned to see that he's sprawled on all fours. Oh, right, Inuzuka, was all I had time to think before he started rushing at me again, since I'd just get nailed by his reflexes if I tried dodging to the left or right, (stepping backwards doesn't help, he'd just catch up,) I waited for him so that he's just close enough to be unable to jump to catch me before jumping as high as I can, straight up. (He tried, of course, but due to the lowered stance of his Taijutsu, he needs a significant horizontal buffer to achieve vertical coverage. I.e. he needs a longer 'lead' run before jumping.)

Hmm, he's just going to go for me again while I'm stuck in mid-air like this, so I suppose I'm going to need to use a Shadow Clone. With that thought I quickly created another clone directly below me as Kiba started to leap towards me. After Kawariming with the clone, I turned and started running parallel to Kiba's leap as he dispelled my clone with a punch to the gut. (ouch) Since his momentum was stalled from dispelling my clone, I was able to take his back before he was able to land, so I got him into a chokehold before I mimed holding a kunai up to his neck. "Yield?"

"Yeah, yeah," he started somewhat petulantly, "what was that thing you did with turning into smoke after I punched you?"

I shrugged, "It was another Kage Bunshin, I created one on the ground as you leaped up at me and Kawarimied with her. Unfortunately, I get all the memories as a Kage Bunshin dispels, you hit like a ton of bricks, you know that?" He looked a little mollified by this statement.

"Aww man!" He started, as we walked towards the rest of Team Eight (Akamaru gave a content bark in his direction, still being scratched by my clone), "if I knew you could create solid clones I would've had Akamaru help." The rest of his team (Akamaru included) sweat dropped at this.

"…What did you think my clone was?" I asked, nodding at my still seated clone. (The rest of Team Eight stood up by now, since Kurenai is probably coming soon.)

Kiba shrugged, "I don't know, a regular academy clone? I just thought you were weird or something." I just shook my head at this, though Hinata and Akamaru brought their hand (or paw) to their faces.

"I believe we should move to the center of the training ground. Why? Because it is almost two and Kurenai-Sensei will be showing up momentarily." Shino stated, seemingly unruffled by Kiba's… Kibaness. With that, we made our way to wait for Kurenai. (I dispelled my clone after Akamaru got out from her lap to follow us.)

"Nice to see you're all here," Kurenai stated, crisp as ever, as she walked up to us, "to begin with, let's start with fifty laps around the training ground." (Training Ground Fourteen is about twice as large as Training Ground Three, so fifty laps here is about the same as one-hundred laps there.) With that, we set off with variations of "Hai, Kurenai-sensei."

After we finished with our warm-up, (it didn't really take that long, everyone on this team is _fast_, but then again, boss is on a team with _Haruno_ so my standards might be skewered,) Kurenai started asking me some general question about my abilities, (Sufficiently chakra reserves for multiple Kage Bunshin, adequate kunai and shuriken handling skills, exceptionally small Ninjutsu repertoire in comparison to my chakra reserves, no knowledge of Genjutsu beyond what's taught in the academy, same for Taijutsu, though I have some 'first-hand' observations of high level shinobi going at it.) probably to see what kind of training would fit well with the current state of her team.

"You know, from what Kakashi told me about you, I thought you would've had a rather more … _extensive_ knowledge of the shinobi arts." Kurenai started after the questioning is done. Great, the Hatake isn't just a pervert, he's also a gossip, why did boss have to end up with a 'legendary' ninja rather than someone like Kurenai? (Because non-legendary shinobi, however excellent as disciplinarians or teachers, are clearly not good enough for the _Last Uchiha_. Shut up brain, still not helping, we already know the council probably screwed the academy system six ways to Sunday.)

I shrugged before answering, "You don't really need extensive knowledge of the shinobi arts for field work, encyclopedic knowledge is nice and all, but I've known academy students (read, boss) that can take down the Hokage himself without using any Jutsu other than the academy three." The Genin of Team Eight perked up at this, clearly curious as to who these mystery academy students were. "I've been trying to get more information beyond what the academy taught of course, but certain complications (read, my lack of existence until recently) meant that I couldn't really work on it, so I've just made do with what I knew."

Kurenai nodded, seemingly satisfied by my response, (though she did quirk an eyebrow at the academy students beating the Old Man bit,) "Well, I've been meaning to go over Genjutsu today with Team Eight, though I was worried that it might be too basic for you, but this makes things easier. Since the academy leaves more advanced training on Genjutsu to the Jonin-Sensei, this would probably be your first experience of a high level illusion technique." She finished as she turned to the rest of Team Eight.

"If you'd like, you may form whatever hand seal that helps you concentrate and control your chakra before I start the technique," (Hinata obligingly made a ram seal, Kiba just scoffed, Shino was Shino, think the Uchiha, except less of a jerk about it.) she started after moving quickly through five hand-seals, "this Genjutsu will immobilize your moments completely, so take your time and try to disrupt your chakra flows enough to break free of the technique." She finished as I felt a wave of foreign chakra through my body. (This was probably intentionally done to signal the start of the technique, I doubt that a Genjutsu Mistress would be so… obvious in the shaping of her illusions against enemies.)

Hmm, curious, I can see tree that's supposed to immobilize me coiling itself around me, but… "Excuse me Kurenai-Jonin?" I started asking, raising one of my hands like I'm in a classroom, "am I… _supposed_ to be seeing two different views of the world? I can see myself being trapped by a tree, but I can also see that I'm completely free." I punctuated this by walking in a small circle. (The 'tree' followed me around as I did this, eerie, but not restricting my movements at all.)

"You're caught by the technique but you can still move?" Kurenai asked absently as she stared at me like a puzzle to be solved, "can you describe the two different views you're seeing for me?"

I shrugged, "Well, in one of the views, everything looks exactly the way it's supposed to, at least, it looks pretty much identical to how everything looked before you started the technique." I paused for a bit before she motioned for me to continue. "But in the other view, I'm 'trapped' by a gigantic tree that seemingly appeared from nowhere and wrapped itself around me." Kurenai kept pondering this as I saw Hinata break out of her illusion with a soft 'kai.'

"Hmm, what you say you're seeing resembles what some of the other Jonin say their Kage Bunshin remember after I've put them in one of my illusions," (well that explains that,) she began after a bit of pondering, "I've never even _heard_ of something like this happening to an original though. Would you mind it if I asked you to meet up with me sometimes when I'm in the village to investigate this? Something like this sounds like it would be really useful in combating enemy Genjutsu."

"Sure," I answered with a slight shrug, noting that Shino has managed to free himself from the tree-binding illusion as well, and is now chatting quietly with Hinata. "I'm probably going to be quite free after tomorrow, so does the day after that sound okay?"

"That sounds fine, do you know where the Dango Shop, 'Dangoya,' is?" She continued after a brief nod from me, "meet me there at noon." With that, she turned to Kiba, the only one still trapped inside of an illusion. (Akamaru either managed to break out, or was never trapped in one, since he's currently running circles around an immobilized Kiba.)

After breaking her Genjutsu with a slight sigh, Kurenai ordered me, Hinata, and Shino to go through some flexibility and endurance exercises, while tutoring Kiba on the basics of Genjutsu theory, trying to work out what he's doing wrong. (She occasionally moved to correct one of us if we're doing an exercise slightly wrong, with an awareness that borders on the uncanny, but she always moved back to Kiba shortly afterwards.) Apparently Genjutsu isn't Kiba's forte, because it wasn't until it's almost dark that he finally managed to break free of Kurenai's illusions. Noting how dark it's gotten, Kurenai dismissed all of us before disappearing in a Shunshin.

"Awwwwwwwwwww man," Kiba stretched loudly, "I thought that was never going to be over, at least we'll be free for the next two days though, seeing how it's the weekend. I could really use a break after all of that Genjutsu practice."

"I believe you would do well to repudiate that opinion. Why? Because I'm certain that your 'mom an' sis' (he doesn't actually do the finger quotes, but you can _feel_ that they're there) will have supplementary exercises for you once they learn of your Genjutsu deficiencies." Kiba looked cowed at this, before rallying with a "what they don't know won't hurt me, right?"

"…Ano, it's getting late, and I must report back to my father. Please excuse me." With that, Hinata left after bowing to the three of us.

"I must depart as well; I believe I shall be seeing you three days from now at the latest." With that, Shino left for the Aburame compound.

"Hey, hey!" Kiba began, "I really don't want to face sis right now, so do you want to get some grub together?" I quirked an eyebrow at this, absently petting Akamaru as I did so. (Akamaru jumped into my hands some time during the good-byes.)

After a moment, I shook my head slightly and began, "Sorry, I really need to go back to my apartment right now, need to check that it hasn't blown up or something since I was last there." This is actually a valid concern, boss might seriously have left the stove or sink running, it wouldn't be the first time he had to return to a room partly destroyed by fire or water. With that, I let Akamaru down and started for boss's apartment.

Well, it's not destroyed, at least. I thought as I walked into the shower, I _do_ wish that boss didn't end up using the can of orange paint to set a trap for me as I walked in though, that's just mean. (Ha, ha, ha, who am I kidding, that's hilarious.) I quickly created a clone before taking its place, carefully washing all of the water soluble paint down the drain after they splattered onto the floor of the shower upon my disappearance. After cleaning the rest of the paint from the door and floor, I settled into boss's bed to organize the memories of the few clones I created today, musing absently that this is the first time I'm spending the night without someone close by.


	8. Chapter 8

"Eat this rock."

…

"… What?"

"I want you," I pointed at my clone, "To. Eat. This. Rock." I finished, jabbing at the rock I picked up somewhere in the training ground for emphasis.

"Why would you want me to eat a rock?"

"To test out what happens to the stuff that we eat after we dispel, remember? That is, because I'm bored since the Konoha Library doesn't open to Genin until noon on the weekends." The Old Man refused to let me get a look at the Forbidden Scroll, though he did give me a note granting permission for me to borrow two books from the Jonin section of the Library after writing down some notes about what he could recall about the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and giving them to me. (The notes ended up being more than two hundred pages long, so I decided to check out the books, What to do if you Think Your Best Friend is a Kage Bunshin of an Enemy Shinobi and An Introductory Guide to Sealing, first. I have no idea why the first is even in the Jonin section, given it's title, but the Old Man assured me that I'd want to read the latter after I've finished the first, so whatever.)

She crossed her arms and deadpanned at me for a bit before starting, "Let me rephrase that, why do you want _me_ to eat a rock? Get one of boss's clones to do it after boss comes back."

"You're here, boss isn't, don't be such a baby and eat the rock already." I _am_ moderately curious as to what would happen, since I already knew from prior experience that whatever food I eat apparently gets digested or something, since they disappear with me when I dispel myself. A rock, being not 'digestible' would give me information on whether the food's being 'digested' or whether the food's being 'something'ed.

"Why don't you eat it and then dispel yourself? You'd see what happens anyway right?"

"I don't want to eat a rock! That's why I'm making you do it!"

"I'm you! If you don't want to eat a rock, neither will any of your clones!" With that, she dispelled herself before I can shove the rock down her throat. Eh, guess I'll have to con one of boss's clones into eating a rock after he comes back. Shrugging, I threw the rock at one of the wooden posts in Training Ground Three and decided to go through the academy katas a few times before heading towards the library at a slow walk.

"Hey Shikamaru, still hiding from clan training?" I asked as I walked towards the information desk, nodding at Shikamaru, who was staring lazily at the clouds through one of the libraries many windows, as I did so.

"… Don't be troublesome, woman. Neither mom nor Ino found this place yet, and I'd like to keep it that way." He said lazily, not even bothering to look in my direction, since it's probably 'too troublesome' to do so.

I shrugged, "whatever." Turning my attention towards the desk, I noted that Shiho was staring slightly at Shikamaru, though she did manage to notice me as I came closer. "Hi Shiho, how's the job?"

"You know, the usual," she replied with a bored expression, "did you enjoy The Art of War that you checked out last time? I didn't see you return it." I returned it just after I checked it out, actually, though not before creating a Shadow Clone of it first. I think someone else manages the return bin though, so that's probably why she didn't see me do so.

"It was an interesting read, short enough that I can actually summon a copy of it at will" I punctuated this statement by making a Kage Bunshin of the book, usually I need to be in direct contact with something complicated (or a clone thereof) to make a clone of it, but since books and ID cards etc. are mostly just their looks, I can create a clone of them as long as I remember what's on or in them, "though I can sum up the majority of what's said with 'don't be an idiot.' I personally preferred what's his name, Asimov's (odd name) Foundation 'trilogy' better. They're a bit too long for me to summon though." Wonder why it's called a 'trilogy' when there are seven books in the series.

"Glad to know you read them after I recommended them," Shiho pushed up her swirly glasses slightly, "what do you need today?"

I gave my barely comprehensible permission slip to Shiho, (I think the Old Man writes in deliberately bad handwriting to have a minor revenge on the people who force all the paperwork on him, the notes on the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, all two hundred pages of it, were perfectly legible,) "can you give me the keys to the Jonin section? I need to go find those two books." Shiho nodded and gave the keys to me, pointing me towards the Jonin section as she did so, (I already knew where it is though, boss didn't exactly leave the Jonin section, or any other restricted section, untouched just because they were locked when he painted the whole library orange,) before turning back to look at Shikamaru.

Hmm, let's see… apparently both these books were written by Jiraiya, apparently the Sannin was rather prolific, and not just in terms of those perverted books of his. (I walk by an _entire_ _bookshelf_ of the blasphemies towards orange every time I pass by the 'J' section of the public portion of the library, is Konoha _trying_ to turn all its ninjas into perverts? They're all the same damn book too! Apparently Hatake just has a _collector's edition_ of Icha Icha Paradise rather than another book in the same series as I thought.) 'H'… 'I'… there we go, 'J,' oh god dammit, there's another damn shelf of the abominations toward orange here, at least it makes where Jiraiya's books are really obvious though.

'Thanks' to the orange beacon, I found the two books I came for in short order, turns out their full titles were: What to do if you Think Your Best Friend is a Kage Bunshin of an Enemy Shinobi: or Why you Should Take up Sealing Instead of Reading Spy Novels, You're Clearly Insane Enough For It (isn't that a mouthful) and An Introductory Guide to Sealing: or How to _Not_ End Life as we Know it While Making a Basic Storage Seal. Hmm, I wonder if the titles mean he has a sense of humor or if I actually might explode the planet by spilling some ink on my storage seals. Shrugging, I made my way back to the information desk.

"Hey Shiho," I started, tossing her the keys simultaneously, "check these books out for me please." I put them on the table as I finished the sentence.

"Here you go," she said, after scanning and stamping the books, "please return them sometime within the next hundred years." Konoha has a _very_ lax library policy, which might explain why the more 'popular' works tend to have entire shelves devoted to them.

"Thanks," I responded absently while walking towards one of the tables in the library. I set the books down on the table before sitting in one of the chairs. Hmm, I suppose I should read the notes on the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu while I'm here. Good thing the Old Man specifically marked the first five pages as being about the same as what's written in the Forbidden Scroll, or else I would've been stuck here all day. (I think he wrote the rest of the two hundred-ish pages just to get away from the paper work, though I don't quite see how writing notes is so different from just signing his name on everything.)

Let's see here… basic description of the Jutsu, description of the one hand seal required for the technique, long and overly detailed explanation of how to properly separate and recombine the Yin and Yang sides of chakra for the technique, nothing boss hasn't seen before. Ah, there we go, the warning section, wonder why they didn't put this section _first_?

"Warning: Use of this technique without the necessary amount of chakra tends to cause death through chakra exhaustion almost instantly. Furthermore, because any memories gained by the individual Kage Bunshin returns to the user along with any unspent chakra when the Kage Bunshin dissipates, it's strongly recommended that the user refrain from creating enough clones such that the total amount of memories returning at once exceeds seventy-two hours, as any amount more than that will likely cause unconsciousness, mental trauma, or even death.

Errata: While receiving less than seventy-two hours of memories at once will not immediately be cause of concern aside from increase necessity of sleep, if the user receives an exceeding amount of memories, even if slightly spaced out, the user will likely be put into a coma as the brain tries to organize the memories by shutting down the rest of the body in order to have more processing power available. If the user lacks the necessary skill to continue the technique after unconsciousness, the resulting rush of memories from Kage Bunshin forced to disperse upon unconsciousness will likely cause significant mental trauma or death."

Well… this is bad, while I'm hoping the damn fuzz-ball will be able to heal boss up from the damage caused by my memories if and when I dispel without a clone available, (I think I have around a full _three_ _months_ of memories, counting the time I've been around and the various clone memories I've received,) dispelling myself without a clone to 'catch' me is _not_ a viable option to help boss out when I'm too far away, the additional influx of chakra wouldn't help if boss was a bit too _unconscious_ to use it. Ugh, why the hell wasn't the warning at the _front_ of the technique description in the forbidden scroll!? In fact, why didn't the Old Man say anything about the dangers of mental trauma from the rush of memories? Although… I guess he might've just been waiting for boss to ask for it? He _did_ give me the notes and the permission slip for the two books after all; maybe something in one of the books will help?

With a small sigh, I turned to the seemingly more relevant of the two books, since it actually has Kage Bunshin in the title. Hopefully this isn't going to be just more bad news. Let's see… commons signs that indicate someone is a Kage Bunshin, useless, recommendation to see a psychiatrist, yeah… no, how to not to make your best friend no longer your best friend when you punch him in the face to find out if he's a Kage Bunshin or not… the hell? Ah! Here we go, how to counter the information gathering capabilities of Kage Bunshin.

"If you're still here, and managed to avoid the temptation of punching your best friend for one of the most retarded reasons ever, there's an easy method of countering a Kage Bunshin available at many shinobi supply stores. The Kage Bunshin 'disruption' or 'extinguisher' seal is sold in most shinobi supply stores upon request, seeing how the less common seals aren't purchased enough to have their own display shelves.

Basically, you just get a seal from the store, hopefully by buying it rather than just stealing it, but whatever, and then you slap it on your suspected Kage Bunshin, giving it a small chakra infusion to activate it like a blast note. If whoever you slapped the seal on was a Kage Bunshin, it would have its chakra spread evenly throughout the surrounding area, ending the technique with the user none the wiser. If not… congratulations, you just blew a thousand ryo for a completely retarded reason. (The seal is one use only, just like a blast note, if you activated it without a valid target it just turns back into blank sealing paper. For more on the 'extinguisher' seals feel free to consult any introductory sealing guide, the seal is basic enough that it's mentioned in pretty much all of them.)"

Well… if I ever want to commit suicide without boss going into a coma I guess I know how to do it now. Might as well see what the other book says about the seal though. Let's see… 'Table of Contents': introduction, storage seals, blast seals, 'extinguisher' seals, there we go. Hmm… there's a chapter on the Uzumaki clan in here? Odd place to find out about boss's family history, but I guess it's worth a read. After flipping quickly to page eighty-seven, I started reading about the Uzumaki clan:

"The Uzumaki, the ruling clan of the former Uzushiogakure no Sato, or Village Hidden in the Whirling Tides, deserves a special mention as the foremost masters of the sealing arts. While their sealing style is called 'rough' by themselves and others, none can deny that the Uzumaki mastery of the sealing arts was legendary. Their mastery of Fuinjutsu is so renowned, in fact, that Iwa and Suna formed a temporary alliance in order to eliminate the threat of the 'minor' hidden village. Sadly, despite the long distances the alliance had to cross and the defenses of Uzu the ambush succeeded in destroying the hidden village before Konoha, who was their ally ever since the founding of our village, could react. We did, however, manage to intercept the armies as they returned to their home villages, eradicating them utterly and kick starting the Second Shinobi World War. Naturally, because yours truly participated in the war, Konoha managed to stomp the faces of both Iwa and Suna into the ground, nevermind that we were fighting two of the 'great' hidden villages at once.

History lesson aside, I heartily recommend any aspiring seal master to visit the ruins of Uzushiogakure just off the coast of the Fire Country, in the Land of Whirlpools, when they get the chance. While the village has been in ruins ever since the destruction, most of the seal work remains as legible as the day they were painted. (That is to say, you need to either have an Uzumaki present to translate or else drunk out of your mind in order to read them.)"

After that, the rest of the chapter quickly devolved into lessons on how to get Uzumaki women to fall madly in love with you, with the tips supposedly coming from 'real life' experience. I wonder why boss never had any lessons on his clan in the academy though; you'd think an alliance Konoha held since the _founding of the village_ would at least be mentioned in some of our history classes.

Putting the thought aside for later, I stood up to ask Shiho for a map of the Elemental Countries. Let's see, Land of Whirlpools… huh, isn't that just a few kilometers north of the Land of Waves? Looks like I won't be waiting for boss to come back after all. Since I'll have to meet with Kurenai tomorrow, that's probably the earliest I can head out to join boss. (Hopefully I can spin this field trip to the Old Man as a C-rank mission as well.) With that thought in mind, I returned the book on Kage Bunshin to Shiho and made my way to Ichiraku's.

"Hey Hikari-chan!" was Ayame's cheery greeting as I sat down, "I think this is the first time I've seen you here without Naruto-kun, where is he, by the way?"

"Boss is on a bodyguard mission outside the village right now, I don't know when he'll be back though, since he's supposed to be guarding a bridge builder until a bridge is finished." I replied, "Please give me the usual."

"Sure! One large miso, coming right up!" With that, she turned to yell the order to Teuchi before being swamped by a sudden rush of customers.

"So… a bodyguarding mission," She started after as she handed me my ramen, "do you think anything exciting is going to happen?"

"Well…" I began, "I _know_ that boss had a run in with a Jonin level missing-nin, he's probably fine though. I mean, boss has three people, all lauded as 'genius' at one point or another, with him, _surely_ one of them would have the brains to call for backup if something went awry after Hatake beat the enemy-nin, right?" Ayame looked like she wanted to say something, but was cut off by Teuchi yelling at her to serve the other customers, so I shrugged and started eating my ramen.

"Busy day." I commented after Ayame returned from giving the other customers their ramen.

"Yeah, it's like you and Naruto-kun are good-luck charms or something, whenever you're here the stall gets a lot more orders, and not just because Naruto-kun eats as much as ten people."

"So… I think you were going to ask something earlier?"

"Hmm? Oh! Yeah, you said 'one of them' would have the brains to call for backup, does that mean you don't expect Naruto-kun to contact you if he's in trouble?"

I shrugged, "It's not that he won't tell me, it's that boss… tends to forget details. Boss can plan for what to do when the ANBU on guard duty reaches up to adjust her mask during a prank or infiltration, but forget all about the Chunin manning the desk in plain sight." It's not as bad as it sounds though, usually he catches this kind of glaring error early on during planning, although the rare mistakes that _do_ get through into the final plans tend to be hilarious.

Huh, looks like I finished my ramen without noticing, I don't know whether to be glad that the ramen here is so delicious and that I can enjoy it, or horrified that it's apparently so good that even as a _clone_ I need to eat it. (Eh, it's ramen; ramen can never be a bad thing, that has to be a line in the good book of ramen somewhere.) After thanking Ayame and Teuchi for the meal, I paid for my meal and headed for boss's apartment.

Good, the place isn't on fire, always one of the first things you should check before entering the room. After a _completely_ necessary five minute inspection of the door, after which I determined that no, the apartment isn't on fire, I opened the door, shoved the book on sealing into boss's equipment locker, (after making a clone copy of it, which I kept in my equipment pouch, first,) and left the apartment for the Konoha Intelligence Division building, closing the door after me.

All right… let's do this. With that, I jumped through the genjutsu of a glass window, (people were entering so often by jumping through _closed _windows that they're just maintaining a genjutsu of a window for that express purpose now,) "All right people! It's going to be Level Three tonight." I said to the 'startled' ANBU. (They're mostly used to this by now, many Konoha shinobi use the Intelligence division as a stealth training exercise, Level One is when you just go in by stealth without telling them, Level Two is when you write them a note at most twenty-four hours before you infiltrate, letting them know you're coming but not _when_, Level Three… is when you announce your presence like this and try to grab the information you came for, while all the guards know that you're in the building and are trying to grab something, Level Four is almost exactly like that, except you also tell them what your target is. Since the guards get training in catching infiltrators and the shinobi trying to get in get stealth training, the Old Man just looks the other way after incidents like these.)

To their credit, all the present ANBU guards realized immediately that I was a distraction while one of my clones tried to sneak by and immediately turned to chase her. Unfortunately for them, _all_ the guards next to this window went to chase her, leaving me free to run down the corridor. Hmm, I have around thirty seconds before the alarm is sounded through the entire building, better make my way to center quickly. (The room where the mission records, my target tonight, is also in the center of the building, except that it's two stories down in the basement.)

Hmm, footsteps coming from the right path of the four way intersection in front of me, sneaking would take too long, so I guess I'll just split the target. After summoning up two clones, my clones and I ran towards the intersection where we each took a different path. …Dammit, the patrol knows the Kage Bunshin too, and she's chasing after me while laughing like a maniac now. Hmm, let's see, I can't just stab her with a summoned kunai since it might be the real one, (though the one chasing me doesn't seem to have any issues with that, if the shuriken and kunai being thrown at me between mad crackles is any indication,) judging by her speed I probably can't shake her either… at least, not conventionally. Eh, she'll probably think I was just clone anyway, after summoning up a clone to the floor directly below me, I dispelled the clones on this floor before dispelling myself to take the place of the clone in the level below.

Good, 'I' was already moving to the stairway opposite the direction she was chasing me in, I shouldn't have to worry about her anymore as long as I keep moving. Hmm, guards are coming up the stairs, better hide myself. Using a patterned cloth I summoned, I performed the Cloak of Invisibility Technique to blend myself in with the wall. After the guards rushed past me to get to the main floor I dispelled the cloth and walked normally down the stairs. Alright, now I just need to get to the records room.

After nodding politely to the paper shuffling Chunin managing the records room, (pretty much everyone who works in Intelligence knows me by now, and since the Chunin's job is to organize the records rather than catch intruders they don't even bother making a fuss that I'm not supposed to be here anymore,) I made my way to the section containing the Genin mission records. Let's see, O… P… Q… R… there we go, Rekka Hikari, now… S… T… U… Uzumaki Naruto. I used the Chunin's radio to send the all clear to the guards, ANBU and otherwise, (since I've made it into the records room, it means that a Kage Bunshin would've been able to retrieve any information I wanted, so this was a failure for the guards.) Carrying the cloned files with me as I made my way out the building, I nodded an acknowledgement at the dark-purple haired Kunoichi who chased me earlier before walking out the main doors. (It was tempting to use a window, but I figure whoever built the doors would be sad if none of the shinobi in the village ever used it.)

Having quickly made my way back to the apartment, I spread out the contents of the folder onto boss's table. Hmm, it says here I did sixty D-ranks, that can't be right, I only remember doing forty at the most, the C-rank I did with Team Eight is on there though. Glancing at boss's mission records, I noted that it says he _also_ did sixty D-ranks and a C-rank, considering that I know for a fact that the mission to the Land of Waves is boss's first C-rank, I'm guessing the Old Man merged the mission records of boss and I, makes sense, I suppose. Hmm, wow, the background information the Old Man made up is really thorough, says here I came to Konoha about an year ago, and became a Genin after passing the Genin Examinations easily and going through a full psyche evaluation by the T&I department. My lack of a team is explained away by the fact that the academy graduates happened to split evenly into groups of three this year and last year. Hmm, I wonder if this means I'm going to be called up whenever a team needs a missing slot filled for a mission?

And boss's records is just full of completely inaccurate information, some of it is obviously made up so that the _lack_ of _any_ information doesn't tip off any halfway competent spy, though his academy records are actually accurate, apparently Iruka-sensei spent a lot of time making a recommended training regimen to address some of boss's more glaring deficiencies… which I know for a fact Hatake ignored outright, considering the first thing it mentioned is that boss needs _immediate_ help in chakra control, and it's been almost two months without anything except basic physical training and teamwork exercises from Hatake. I wonder if these recommended training schedules are for boss only or if Iruka-sensei took the time to write one out for all the graduates in his class? I'll have to check the records of the rest Teams Seven, Eight, and Ten I guess. (I'd visit Iruka-sensei myself, but it'd feel odd trying to interact with him without the familiarity he shares with boss.)

Shelving my plans for a repeat infiltration of the Intelligence Department for later, I gathered up the scattered papers and put them back into their folders before making my way to boss's bed. After meditating for about a quarter of an hour I sighed and got out the book on sealing for something to read. Looks like it's going to be another lonely night.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey, it's that purpled haired (and possibly insane) kunoichi from last night. Kind of a coincidence that she's at the Dango Shop too. Ah, wait, Kurenai's with her, guess it's not really a coincidence then, wonder why Kurenai invited her though. Shrugging, I ordered a bowl of zenzai, (red bean 'soup,') and took a seat at the table across from the two of them after paying for the bowl.

"Hey blondie!" the purple haired kunoichi hollered as I sat down, (now that I have a better look at her, it seems like she's about half a head taller than me, wearing a tan overcoat, a dark orange (it's not brown, it's dark _orange!)_ mini-skirt, and… a fishnet body suit?) "I missed you yesterday, but it looks like I'm getting another chance today." She finished in a sing-song fashion, punctuating the statement by twirling a kunai a few times before putting it away… Dammit, why would _genjutsu_ experiments involve sharp and deadly objects being thrown in my direction?

"…This isn't because you got reprimanded by the Hokage for the Intelligence Division being unable to catch someone in bright orange and yellow is it?"

She gave a dismissive wave, "Naw, Hokage-sama stopped bothering ages ago, you're actually the second Genin that the guards no longer get reprimanded for being unable to stop." A brief pause, "Come to think of it, the other Genin, that Uzumaki kid, also wears a lot of orange. It's like orange makes you _stealthier_ or something." I gave a shrug at this. I mean, it _is_ possible that the awesomeness of orange warps reality to defy common sense, but that seems kind of unlikely.

"I didn't know you two knew each other," Kurenai stated after watching the whole exchange silently.

"Well... we've never actually been introduced, though our paths crossed a few times before," I gave a polite bow to the purple-haired kunoichi before continuing, "I'm Rekka Hikari"

"I knew _that _blondie, not exactly hard to find your files considering where I work." She responded, "Anyway, I'm Mitarashi Anko, though I will grant you permission to refer to me as Anko-sama."

"Are you sure about that, Anko-san?" I asked, arching one of my eyebrows slightly, "I don't think Konoha needs anymore fangirls among its shinobi forces."

Anko made an exaggerated thinking pose before reaching across to mess with my hair, "Heh, I think I'm beginning to like you blondie. Don't get killed before you can join T&I, kay?"

"Anyway," Kurenai interrupted, "I brought Anko so that she can assist in testing a few theories of mine, you two can come join me at Training Ground Fourteen after you've finished your snacks." With that, she left without eating anything, guess she doesn't like sweet stuff.

"…So, blondie," She began as she wolfed down her Dango, "What's the real story behind how you came to Konoha? I've been working in T&I for years now and I _know_ that no one who even looks remotely like you, aside from that Uzumaki kid, has been in there the year before." Hmm, I suppose the made up background story wouldn't exactly hold against someone who actually works in T&I.

I shrugged a bit and ate a few more spoonfuls of zenzai before starting to answer, "I… shouldn't answer, it involves an S-rank village secret. (Technically true, since it involves boss.) I promise I won't lie to you if you ever figure things out and come asking if your theory is true or not however." Though that's not exactly the same as promising to give you an answer.

"A challenge, eh?" She began after washing the Dango down with a bowl of sweet bean soup, "You know I'm not going to let this go until I figure you out, right?" I just shrugged, finished my zenzai, and stood up to follow her to Training Ground Fourteen.

Huh, Kurenai's reading a book, wonder where she keeps that, her dress that looks a lot like patterned bandages doesn't seem like it would have the space for it. Maybe she's using storage seals or something? Since she isn't carrying an equipment pouch (that I can see) either. After Anko yelled a greeting at her Kurenai put the book away, (somewhere,) and jumped down from the tree she was in to greet us.

"Had your fill of Dango?" Kurenai asked, "I honestly expected you to be a lot later Anko."

Anko made a face at that statement, before starting with a grin, "One can _never_ have enough Dango, but it's not like I'm addicted to it or anything. Besides, how often do you get to throw pointy objects at someone else, as a _favor_?" She finished with an exaggerated cheer. Kurenai just rolled her eyes at her friend's antics, and motioned me to move next to one of the many wooden posts in the training ground.

"As you may have gathered," Kurenai began, "I invited Anko here to, no point mincing words here, throw sharp and potentially lethal objects at you. I invited her, specifically, because we worked together before, and I can easily use my genjutsu to make it look like her Kunai and Shuriken are going in different directions than they really are." Great, so I'm going to be trying to dodge deadly weaponry while a genjutsu mistress messes with my mind. Sounds like a fun and completely safe way to spend the evening.

"So I'm guessing I'm supposed to try to differentiate between the 'real' and 'fake' trajectories of the thrown weapons?" This might end badly, aside from the obvious impossibility of the genjutsu tree-binding moving with me, I couldn't really tell the difference between 'genjutsu-vision' and whatever the real world was.

"Ding! Ding!" Anko cheered, "Got it in one, blondie! Now let's get this show on the road!" Fortunately for me, Kurenai stopped her from pelting me with her weapons immediately.

"Wait a moment please," I said, making a brief 'stop' hand-gesture and creating a Shadow Clone, "to Kawarimi with me if it looks like I'm about to take a shuriken to the head." I explained as the clone moved out of the line of fire. (In actuality this is just to cover the fact that I'd disperse in a puff of smoke rather than dying if I get hit. This way they'd think my clone Kawarimied with me.)

"Aww blondie," Anko cooed, "what's life if you don't take some risks once in awhile? But are we finally ready to go now?" She finished, looking at Kurenai, who nodded slightly. And then I stopped having time to think, because apparently she was taking it easy on me last night, seeing how it seems like she's throwing enough kunai and shuriken to take down a battalion.

"All right, stop." Kurenai began as she _finally_ gestured for Anko to stop tossing half the weapons in Konoha at me, "I've seen enough for now. Impressive display by the way Hikari, you've managed to avoid every single kunai and shuriken, illusory or otherwise." Dodging skills aside, it would have been a lot easier if I didn't have to simultaneously keep track of multiple views of the incoming objects, all from the same vantage point, but with different trajectories of the objects. Kurenai must've used multiple layers of genjutsu. Thankfully my experience in consolidating the memories of thousands of clones seemed to have helped with my multitasking abilities.

"Huh, I wondered why you were dodging so oddly for some of my throws," Anko interjected, "because your movements were a lot smoother when I was chasing your clones last night. Well, there goes my fun for the day, see you tonight Kurenai!" With that, Anko left the training grounds in the direction of the Dango Shop.

"Well, since you went out of your way to avoid even the illusory kunai, I'm assuming you can't tell the difference between the 'real world view' and the 'genjutsu view'?" Kurenai asked as Anko absconded. (Okay so Anko didn't leave anything close to secretly, but it's the alliterative appeal, the alliterative appeal!)

"Yeah," I began, "I had to keep track of upwards of four different views of the incoming weapons, and organize them so that I can avoid all of the projectiles." Noting that the clone I created was still present, I absently motioned for her towards the Hokage Tower while waiting for Kurenai's reply.

"Hmm, you see each individual layer of the genjutsu as a separate view?" Kurenai mused out loud, "That's very convenient, although being unable to differentiate between what's real and what isn't means that your ability isn't too useful against someone who knows about it. Although it seems like it would be _extremely_ useful in helping to develop new genjutsu."

I shrugged, "I don't think I have the proper chakra control for genjutsu at the moment, though I'd gladly help you with your genjutsu research if it doesn't involve any more sharp objections being sent my way." While my reserves aren't nearly as large as boss's, (I think my reserves are being replenished and supplemented by boss's clones when they dispel, would explain why I get their memories, though not why they go to me rather than boss,) it's still large enough that only knowing the academy exercises for chakra control still leaves me with horrible control.

Kurenai just nodded absently, "sure, you can generally find Anko in the Dango Shop earlier whenever she's free, and she knows where to find me, so just go visit her if you're free. That's all for today then, I'll see you around." With that, Kurenai disappeared in a Shunshin. Shrugging, I dispelled myself to take the place of my clone.

Hmm, looks like it's about four right now, the Old Man should be finishing the rest of his paper work. Quickly traversing the rest of the way to the Hokage Tower, I briefly caught a sight of that Konohamaru kid working on the Kawarimi with a determined look in his eyes. Smiling slightly at boss's positive influence on the Old Man's grandson, I made my way up the reception desk.

"Excuse me," I began, "is Hokage-sama free right now?"

"Yeah," the Chunin manning (or should that be womanning? It's a woman in her twenties today) the desk replied, "go right in." She finished, waving me towards the double doors of the Old Man's office.

After giving a polite "thank you," to the Chunin, I made my way inside the office.

"Ah, Hikari. What can I do for you today?" The Old Man paused in his paper work as I came in, taking a brief puff of the pipe on his desk as he did so.

"I was just wondering if you had any missions lined up for me, I was thinking of taking a field trip to Uzu, and wanted to confirm that I won't be messing anything up for you with my absence." I replied, wouldn't do to make him do even _more_ paperwork to get a last minute replacement for me after all.

"Hmm, Uzu, was it?" He asked while absenting tapping his pipe on the table, (or not so absently, perhaps he just wants to burn the rest of the paperwork?) "Isn't Genin Uzumaki currently on a C-rank body-guarding mission a few kilometers south of the Land of Whirlpools? Tell you what, why don't I assign you a C-rank to check up on the status of Team Seven, and you can visit Uzushiogakure with Naruto once they're done with their mission." Huh, this is unexpected. Eh, if I'm being paid to have a vacation, might as well roll with it.

"Thank you Hokage-sama," I said with a polite bow, "does Team Seven have the means to transmit messages back to Konoha or should I rent a hawk from the Aviary for my report?"

"Jonin Hatake Kakashi has a summoning contract with dogs," he replied while quickly preparing a mission scroll, "so if you need to get a message back you can ask him to summon one of them. Though you can still rent a hawk if you wish." He finished while handing me the mission scroll.

After putting the scroll away in my equipment pouch, I gave the Old Man a quick salute before departing for boss's apartment.

Hmm, I guess I don't really need to take the mission scroll with me, so I can leave it on boss's table. Going to need some rope though, can't go on a proper adventure without rope after all. With that in mind, I quickly made for boss's equipment locker and cloned one of the many coils of rope inside. Seeing how a hundred feet of rope is too much to fit into my equipment pouch, I decided to carry the coil on one of my shoulders like it's a swim ring or lifebuoy.

After carefully checking the apartment for any dripping faucets or stoves accidentally left on, I exited the apartment, locking the door behind me. (The locks wouldn't actually stop anyone from breaking in, seeing how even civilians could break the rather flimsy door, but then, that's what the traps are for.) Since I don't have anything left to do in Konoha, I made my way out of the village through the South-Eastern Gate before running down the path boss took half a week earlier.

Since I didn't have to escort a cranky old man with me, I made my way to about where the Fire Country end of the bridge would be after it's built fairly quickly. (Read, under two hours.) Hmm, what I have planned wouldn't look _nearly_ as awesome in the dimming sunlight. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, and if I do mess this up I'm sure I'd appreciate that I'm harder to spot in the orange landscape. I created a clone so that it can either give me an outside view of what's about to transpire, or so that it can prevent me from dispersing completely from me accidentally dispelling myself during the stunt.

Pointing myself in the direction of the shadowy structure in the distance, (I'm assuming that's the bridge, hard to tell with all the mist around,) I gave one final wave to my clone who was watching intently. All right, let's do this. With that, I ran full tilt off the sheer cliff I was on, shouting "Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy!" at the top of my lungs.

Obviously I wasn't going to make it anywhere close to the bridge at this distance, (the bridge seemed to be at least four hundred meters away,) so I made a clone about fifty feet in front of me, dispelled myself, and kept repeating that process until I could make out the mechanical cranes on the bridge. Okay, this part requires delicacy, careful creation of clones of maintain the correct altitude, and… not accidentally 'clone-porting' myself five feet under the water. Dammit, looks like I'm going to have to swim the rest of the way.

Since I didn't need the clone to observe anymore, I dispelled it as I approached one of the support columns of the bridge. Hmm, too bad I don't have a grappling hook to go with my rope, or this climb would be a lot easier. (I didn't bother to bring one since a grappling hook large and heavy enough to be useful would also be too cumbersome to carry comfortably in my equipment pouch.) But considering the amount of hand-holds given by the interlocking stone blocks, the climb wasn't that difficult regardless. Deciding to just summon a clone onto the bridge rather than try to clear the overhang, I created a Shadow Clone next to the railing of the bridge before dispelling myself.

Hmm, odd, Tazuna is working on the bridge with a group of construction workers, but Team Seven is nowhere in sight. "Bridge-Builder Tazuna?" I began after catching a wooden beam a worked startled by my sudden appearance dropped it, "Do you know the whereabouts of Team Seven, the team that was tasked to guard you?" Because even if Zabuza was eliminated, that's no excuse to just let your charge walk around without escort.

"Ah, Shinobi-san, Team Seven is currently conducting some sort of training exercise," Tazuna began after recovering from my sudden appearance, "apparently it's supposed to help them defeat Zabuza and his accomplice." …What? Ugh, I'm clearly so far out of the loop here that I won't even know the right questions to ask, so I suppose I'll have to track boss down later.

Noting that the rest of the construction workers returned to their work, I began, "Well, since Team Seven is currently unavailable to carry out their duties, I suppose it's my job as one of Konoha's shinobi to carry out the mission you requested of us." With that said, I made three more clones and started on an seemingly random patrol pattern with them, acknowledging Tazuna's "thank you" with a curt nod. (While a random patrol pattern that covers every direction of approach is hard to maintain without the type of coordination you can only gain by spending years with your fellow patrollers, or _being_ your fellow patrollers, a static patrol pattern is just begging to be cracked and bypassed.)

Hmm, Tazuna seems to be really good at his job, and not just the architectural portion. Coordinating a team of almost fifty people is no easy task, and I can easily tell that it's pretty much Tazuna alone holding up the team. Everyone seems to be laboring under a badly hidden fear of the threat of Gato, which the presence of my copies and I did little to ease. Since it's starting to get too dark to see, Tazuna decided to call it a day and the workers began to vacate the bridge.

"Thanks for guarding me, Shinobi-san," Tazuna began after the workers left, "Would you like to have dinner with my family?" Hmm, he's a lot less rude than I remember from boss's memories; maybe he's just a surly drunk? I don't see alcohol anywhere around.

"It will be my pleasure," I nodded an agreement, "I'm Hikari Rekka, by the way." After dispersing the clones I summoned, I followed Tazuna to his home, subtly looking for possible ambushing as I did so.

Odd, Team Seven isn't here either, aside from Hatake. After getting the whereabouts of his team from the perverted Jonin, I created a clone to explain the situation before heading out to look for boss.

So boss and the Uchiha are trying to run up trees, and Haruno is just lying in a tired heap. Wonder what kind of training this is supposed to be. "Hey Naruto!" I shouted at boss, "Tsunami says dinner is almost ready! So come on!" At least, that's what the memories of my clone that dispelled after briefing Hatake tells me.

"Hikari-chan!" Boss yelled at me, ignoring the bump he got from falling off the side of the tree, "I didn't know you were going to join us." He finished as he walked up to me.

I shrugged, noting that Haruno was returning to the house out of the corner of my eye, though the Uchiha seems to be persisting in his 'training,' "I didn't either, long story short, the Old Man got me an mission to check on you guys, and boy do I have a report for him." I finished, ruffling his hair for a bit.

"Hah! With you here too, we'll _definitely_ protect Tazuna!" He shouted boisterously towards the heavens.

"That reminds me," I began, "make a clone, this is important." Boss complied, shrugging.

I turned towards the clone, picking up a rock as I did so, "Okay, now eat this rock." The clone turned towards boss for a second, who gave him a 'heck if I know' gesture, deciding to just roll with it, the clone swallowed the rock whole, and dispelled when I prompted him. Huh, the rock disappeared, there goes that hypothesis.

"…Okay, why was feeding my clone a rock important?" Boss asked, understandably puzzled.

"It wasn't," was my reply, "I only needed you to create and dispel a clone so I can get your memories of what happened. Now I'm going to go into a trance for a bit, if you don't mind." With that, I collapsed onto boss so that I can organize the new memories I received, waking up about fifteen minutes later.

…

"Hey boss."

"Yeah?"

"Why is my head in your lap?" I asked as I stared up at him, while he's absently playing with my hair.

"It seemed like the appropriate thing to do at the time." He replied.

"Okay."

We stayed like that for about half an hour more before his stomach grumbled, prompting us to jump up, startled, laugh, and then head towards Tazuna's home.

"Naruto, Hikari," Hatake nodded at us as we came in, (glad to know he's at least guarding the door, I guess, though I wonder what he expects to do against an enemy shinobi in those crutches,) "everyone else finished their dinner already, but Tsunami left a dish of vegetables and about three bowls of rice for you guys." Nodding our thanks, boss and I made our way to the dining room.

Absently picking at my bowl of rice while boss devoured the other two, (and the vegetables! Guess boss got over his dislike of the stuff?) I asked, "So… tree climbing with chakra, how's that working out for you?"

Boss shrugged, "Not too well, channeling such a tiny amount of chakra to the soles of my feet is kinda difficult." Understandable, though I'm guessing the completely useless advice Hatake gave about starting at a run didn't help either.

"Since the soles are supposed to be the most difficult part to gather chakra to, shouldn't you start with something easier? Like your palms or something." I mean, starting with something difficult means that you'd get 'bursts' of rapid improvement, but one would think that chakra control would reply on finesse rather than brute force. So I don't know how well just charging headlong at the problem would work.

"I guess, you going to join me for practice tomorrow?" He asked in response, having wolfed everything down, he's now clearing the table.

I nodded, "Assuming Hatake actually sends someone to guard Tazuna, though I'm going to have to call a team meeting first thing in the morning about some of the dumber things you guys did." Because seriously, the amount of stupidity perpetrated by these so called 'genii,' (I'm sorry, 'geniuses,') is astounding.

"Ahaha, it isn't anything I did, right?" Boss asked nervously as I moved out of the way to let him collect my bowl.

"Don't worry boss," I ruffled his hair briefly, "no one expects _intelligence_ out of you, not even your clones." I smirked at him as I finished. Since his hands were full, boss settled for glaring at me for a bit before turning to the sink to wash the plate and bowls.

"Oh come on," boss gave an exaggerated sigh, "not even my clones give me any respect, and they _know_ how smart I am." Well, yeah, but we also know why your plans tend to have hilarious failure modes.

"Don't worry about it boss," I grinned at his back, "you'll show us all someday, possibly by blowing up the world, but that'll show us. By the way, you should go ask Iruka-sensei when we get back about what you could do you fix some of your deficiencies like chakra-control, he had some pretty good notes about what needs to be fixed in your file, so he probably has some training ideas."

"Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to have some ramen with him after we get back anyway." Boss replied, finally finished with washing the dishes.

"Ah, Hikari-chan," Hatake interrupted as we tried to make our way up-stairs, "since Naruto and Sasuke are sharing a room, I suppose you'll be rooming with Sakura-chan?" Ah, right, that was the sleeping arrangements wasn't it, there goes my plans of sleeping in boss's room.

"No thanks," I started, "I'll bivouac outside, no point making her… _uncomfortable_ after all." Although… I could possibly convince boss to henge into me and vice versa… nah, rooming with the Uchiha would be even worse.

Hatake just gave a small shrug before giving us a lazy dismissal. I said my goodbyes to boss before jumping out a nearby window, landing quietly into a roll. Since I don't need to sleep anyway, I decided to make four clones to secure the perimeter, going into a semi-random patrol pattern like this afternoon. That done, I made my way up to the roof to 'sleep.'


	10. Chapter 10

"Okay, let's start with an easy question," I began, "_Why_ did none of you 'geniuses' bother to call Konoha for backup after Hatake was fought to a draw?" Team Seven and I were seated around the table where we ate breakfast. Tazuna and his family returned to their rooms after breakfast, Tazuna, to prepare for his workday, Inari, (his grandson,) to 'look at the ocean,' and Tsunami… to do Tsunami things, I guess.

"Maa, Maa," Hatake began with a lazy wave, (looks like he doesn't need the crutches anymore,) "As team leader, I determined that due to the exceptional performance of my Genin team, and the likely equally incapacitated state of Zabuza Momochi, there was no real need to report such a slight change in mission parameters." He finished as if this should be obvious.

…

…God dammit, who was the idiot that thought having an ex-ANBU captain teaching Genin was a good idea? Ugh… I should've remembered that Hatake was in ANBU before becoming a Jonin-sensei, missions going FUBAR is probably par for the course for them. Oh? You say the client we were supposed to be protecting turned out to be the evil mastermind behind the uprising we're supposed to stop? Let's just kill him, move on, and add a sentence in the after-mission report for it. Bloody black-ops...

"Ugh," I began, rubbing one of my temples, "okay, fine, let's just forget about that bit for now. Second question, why isn't Tazuna dead right now? As ninja, our modus operandi involves attacking by stealth and then slinking back into the shadows, relying on stealth and movement to keep the enemy at bay. Holding a position or actually bodyguarding someone isn't exactly our thing. (I honestly thought 'bodyguarding' was a euphemism for 'we kill anyone who looks at the client funny' at first. Our defense is basically nullifying the opposing offense by either stealth or a sudden case of death.) It should be a cakewalk for one of the Seven Ninja (Pirate Zombie Robot) Swordsmen of the Mist to kill Tazuna considering our location can't exactly be hidden. So why hasn't Momochi or his accomplice done so?" Given that the Seven Swordsmen supposed to be _masters_ of the silent kill, Momochi should be capable of routine assassinations of civilians in his sleep.

"Maybe they're just dumb?" That was boss, interjecting from my left. A valid hypothesis, too bad it was worded in such a way that Haruno tried to reach across and bonk him in the head for being 'stupid.'

"Please don't do that," I deadpanned at her after letting go of her hand, "Naruto-kun here needs all the brain cells he has left." I finished, smirking at boss's outraged expression. As Haruno went back to swooning over the Uchiha, (who was right next to her,) the latter sent me an annoyed glare, hah, he probably hoped boss would divert some of her attention.

"Hmm," Hatake began, ignoring the brief exchange, "from what I know of Zabuza Momochi, he's the 'honorable' type of shinobi, assassinations by stealth aren't really his style. Even his attempted overthrow of the Mizukage was carried out in broad daylight. I heard he actually announced what he was going to do before trying to separate Yagura's (if I remember right, Yagura is the fourth Mizukage) head from his shoulders. Though his subsequent escape from Kirigakure after the attempt failed speaks volumes of his abilities in stealth." Hmm… somehow he doesn't sound like a guy that would willingly work under Gato.

"Given what you know," I started, "does it seem likely that Gato and Momochi might have… ideological conflicts?" Though I _do_ wonder why Momochi and company didn't simply shake Gato down for his money, somehow I doubt someone stupid enough to deliberately starve his cash cow, (the Land of Waves,) knows to hire guards that are better than cannon fodder. If I ever become an Evil Overlady, the first thing I'm going to do is make sure I'm _better_ than all the other alternatives. Too bad boss probably wouldn't let me try, although the burn Konoha to ashes before rebuilding it part would likely be the main reason for his objections.

"Hmm, you think we can turn them on each other?" Hatake asked, "Or maybe that Zabuza isn't actually _trying_ to kill Tazuna?" Huh, so there _is_ a brain behind that lazy façade, kind of reminds me of Shikamaru. (I've played shogi with Shikamaru a few times, and got crushed without him really trying; I do better against him in chess though.)

I shrugged, "Just trying to gauge the chances of him sending his apprentice to ambush us or Tazuna while you're still recovering." Seems like it'd be low, but I'm still going to be sticking close to boss. It's not really _my_ mission to guard Tazuna, after all. Though that reminds me…

"By the way," I added, "can I borrow one of your summons to get my report back to Konoha?" I think I'll just write a note detailing that they should treat Hatake's reports like he's still in black-ops, assuming that Momochi is as 'honorable' as he seems, boss would probably be fine even if Team Seven fails in protecting Tazuna.

After that, it took only a few moments for me to write out a note and give it to Pakkun, the brown miniature pug Hatake summoned. Since there wasn't really anything else to discuss, Hatake sent Haruno to 'guard' Tazuna after he finished organizing his blue-prints and putting on his hardhat. The rest of us were dismissed to continue training. (Technically I'm on a separate mission, but the chain of command puts me firmly under the jurisdiction of Hatake-Jonin while I'm working with his team.)

"Arrgh!" Boss shouted after falling off the tree for what seems like the hundredth time, "Why isn't this working!? I'm even used my hands rather than my feet this time." While he _is_ getting higher with this method, the fact that he started taking it slow means that he's 'slipping' downwards even as he tried to climb up. Given that you're supposed to be able to walk up trees, I'm guessing boss is using too _little_ chakra, ironic, considering. (The Uchiha is probably smirking to himself as he watched boss fail, I have no idea why boss insisted we train with him.)

"Hey Naruto," I began, "come over here for a sec." I picked up a rock as he walked towards me.

"… You're not going to make me eat a rock are you?" He asked.

"No I'm not going to make you eat a rock," I replied, giving him a deadpan stare in the process, "you remember the Leaf Concentration Exercise? The one where you stuck a leaf to your forehead and held it there with chakra?" I know _I_ remember it, kind of hard to forget a leaf being shredded into infinitesimally tiny pieces from boss overloading the leaf with chakra.

"… Are you asking me to cut that rock into sand or something?" Okay now he's just being deliberately obtuse, so I bonked him in the back of the head.

"No… Just try to get enough chakra to stick the rock to you, start with your palms and then try other parts of your body until you can do it with the soles of your feet." This way we should get a good grasp of which parts of the body are easier to gather chakra to as well.

Boss shrugged, and did as I asked with a quick "alright."

Hmm, apparently it's really easy to stick things on your stomach for some reason. Since boss looks like he's going to be finished with the rock soon, I moved to find a bigger one. (Logically, if boss can hold a rock that weighs as much as he does using chakra alone, he should be able to hold himself onto a tree using chakra.)

"Are you going to make me eat that?" Boss asked as he pointed towards the rock I'm carrying. Sigh… you make a clone eat _one_ rock and he never lets it go. Carefully setting down the rock, (it's about the size of a five-gallon water-container,) I shook my head 'no.'

"I think it weighs about as much as you do," I began, "maybe a bit more actually. Basically, rather than holding _yourself_ up on a tree with chakra, you try to hold up the rock. Although… maybe we should do this in smaller steps, try this one instead." I threw a nearby rock at him, feels like it's about five kilograms. Boss caught it easily before stumbling for no apparent reason and dropping it on his foot. (I can almost _hear_ the Uchiha smirking at boss's latest idiocy, before turning to keep running up his tree.)

After ruffling boss's hair for a bit, I went to search for increasingly rocks of increasing size and mass. (It is somewhat difficult to search for rocks of increasing size but decreasing mass, or vice versa, after all.) By the time I found enough to make a reasonable progression towards the fifty kilogram rock, I returned to find boss dangling some pebbles from his fingertips.

"Here," I tossed him the next rock in the series, "just work your way up."

Boss worked his way through the rocks fairly quickly, taking less time for each rock to properly adjust the chakra output. But it was noon by the time he finished nonetheless. Putting the kunai I was juggling back into my equipment pouch, I waved boss down from the branch he was on. (He got up there so that he can hold up the rocks in a more comfortable position when he moved down to his feet.)

"Let's go see if Tsunami has lunch prepared," I began after he jumped down, "She might want us to help deliver them to Tazuna and… Sakura."

"Sure," Boss started, "Hey Sasuke! We're going to get lunch, you coming?!" He yelled the rest up to the Uchiha, who just gave a grunt and a negative shake of his head in return.

"…So" boss began as we walked towards the house, "why the pause before saying Sakura-chan's name?"

I shrugged, "Because she's _Sakura-chan_ to you, but Haruno to me, does that explain it?"

Boss thought about it briefly, "I guess, but why is she Haruno to you?"

"Well…" Why indeed, how to explain this? "You know I get your memories from your clones right? (Boss nodded at this.) The thing is, I don't get your _perspective_, that is, I get the memories of what happened, but not what you thought during those memories. Not to mention I can clearly differentiate between your memories and mine. Does that make sense?" At least, that the reason I think is causing my slight… detachment from some of the people important to boss.

"Still doesn't explain why she's Haruno," boss began after a few moments of silence, "You've certainly spent enough time together to be familiar regardless, right?"

Casually stepping over a tree root, I replied, "She wasn't even 'Haruno' to me for a bit after I've met her, fangirling over the Uchiha isn't exactly the best of first impressions. I might change my views on her if she ever does anything though." Though somehow, that seems unlikely. To actually _do_ something she's going to have a lot of catching up to do, as is, she's basically a dead weight academy student being carried along by two Chunin (in combat ability,) teammates, and one of the strongest Jonin of the Leaf.

Boss seemed to be considering how to change my views on Haruno, but was interrupted by the 'sudden' appearance of Tazuna's home. Knocking on the door before making our way to the kitchen, we asked Tsunami if she wanted our help to carry Tazuna's lunch to the bridge. (And Haruno's too, I guess.)

"We should bring something for that bastard Sasuke too," Boss began, "he _did_ offer to share his lunchbox with me during the hidden exam, after all. Seems only fair to return the favor." …Fair, is probably not what you want to do to the people Konohagakure boss… Heh, "Let him be known as a hero," indeed.

I shook my head clear of my darker thoughts, "Sure Naruto-kun, whatever satisfies your Messiah Complex." I said while picking up the bento Tsunami made for the Uchiha.

After thanking Tsunami for making lunch for Team Seven, boss and I started making our way to the bridge. Too bad I can't bring anything that isn't cloned with me when I do my teleporting trick, or else we could've been done in five minutes.

"So…" I began, "Why _do_ you like Haruno anyway?" From what I've seen, the only difference between her and most of boss's other classmates was that she hit him in between ignoring him… Oh!...

"Seems like you've figured it out?" Boss asked after looking at my expression.

"Yeah…" I have got to stop hitting boss I guess. Ugh, I really don't want to think about why even negative attention would make boss like someone.

"Anyway," Boss began, trying to change the topic, "why were you given the mission to check on us, you said it's a long story?"

"Oh yeah!" I took out the book on sealing from my equipment pouch and gave it to boss, (I took the lunchboxes from him so that he could put it away,) "Read that, it's kind of interesting if you ignore the parts about how sealing will get you women. There's a chapter on the Uzumaki in there, don't know why we weren't taught any of the stuff on your clan during your history lessons, but apparently the ruins of Uzu is only a few kilometers north of here." Hmm, I wonder if the Old Man intentionally gave me the books so boss would get the idea to visit his clan's old home? Rather devious of the 'Professor' if true.

"It's by Jiraiya?" Boss started after glancing at the cover, "isn't he the author of those perverted books Kakashi-sensei always reads?"

"…Why do you know those books are perverted?" I glared at boss from behind the stack of bento.

"I, uh…, um, the books were _orange_!" Boss stuttered out, "I was curious, alright? Wait a minute, why do _you_ know they were perverted?" Well… bugger, if I tell boss that I found out on the mission with Team Eight he'll know to ask them and would probably put the pieces together.

"When I went to check the book out from the library," I began, "The 'J' section of both the Jonin and public portions of the library had an entire bookshelf devoted to them. Kind of hard to miss a gigantic orange beacon like that." Technically true, even if it didn't _really_ answer the question, too bad I can't read boss's poker face whenever he actually tries. Although… the fact that he bothered to put one up at all might indicate that he's suspicious, dammit.

"Moving on," Boss began with a wave of his hand, "so you were originally planning on a field trip to Uzu?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I mean, we can still go after this bridge is finished. I just didn't expect that we have _two_ possibly A-ranked opponents." This whole thing sounds like it can be taken care of easily if we just shake Gato down for his money, (possibly killing him in the process,) pay the missing-nins off using said money, and then going to a casino or something with the rest of the cash until the bridge was done. Somehow I doubt boss would go for that plan though.

"Eh, we'll be fine," Boss replied, "Kakashi-sensei could handle the big guy, and the rest of us should be able to defeat a kid our age."

"I wonder…" I gave a slight negative shake of my head, "somehow I doubt Momochi would trust anyone that isn't skilled to put him into a state of false death. It's probably better to overestimate the capabilities of an unknown than to underestimate." Especially considering they know where we _have_ to be due to the bridge construction. Too bad I can't just trap the place with boss's help, since that'll probably kill some of the workers.

"Then we just have to get even stronger in the time we have," Boss began as we approached the bridge, "I gave my word to complete this mission, and I will never go back on my word." He finished with a determined nod. Well there goes the plan of grabbing boss and running if things go south. Eh, we should be fine as long as they can be taken down by a kunai to the heart. (I wonder what I need to do to improve the range and accuracy of the summoning of my Kage Bunshin? Sure I can just fill the general area with a ton of Kunai, but that's… inefficient.)

After dropping off the lunchboxes to Tazuna and Haruno, we started moving towards where boss and the Uchiha were training earlier. (I managed to stop boss from telling Haruno we were delivering a bento to her _Sasuke-kun_, don't need drama to slow down boss's training right now.)

"Hey Sasuke!" Boss yelled up at him, "We brought you a lunchbox, come eat with us!"

"You really should, you know." I began, "training without getting the proper nutrients to sustain your body tends to be counterproductive at best." Although I _do_ wonder why the Uchiha is so intent on getting strong enough to face his brother one against one, rather than, say, using some of that Uchiha fortune he's entitled to as the heir of the clan to order an S-ranked assassination mission on the guy. Unless his brother is backed by some idiotically powerful criminal organization or something any one of the 'great' five Elemental Countries should be able to muster the forces to complete that mission. (The only reason none of the _really_ skilled bounty hunters go after the guy in the first place is that the bounty is pitiful in comparison the to skill of the other 'Last Uchiha.' Hmm, wonder why the bounty is so low? Orochimaru, to list a Konoha ninja of similar skills and infamy, has a much higher bounty, even though Itachi Uchiha arguably did much worse to the village. Seriously, a bounty approaching a _billion_ Ryo versus a measly hundred million?)

"Hn." The Uchiha, eloquent as usual, deigned to dine with us after expressing his profuse thanks. I think he talks more when he's alone with boss though, maybe he's just socially awkward? Wouldn't be surprising, considering…

The meal passed in an awkward (for me, boss and the Uchiha might think differently,) silence. The Uchiha gave a polite bow to us after putting his chopsticks into the lunchbox which he returned to the original state, and then quickly returned to his tree climbing. (The lunchbox had little rectangular containers for the individual dishes and rice, we took them out before we ate.) Huh, this just might be the _first_ time he's acted politely in my company. I summoned a clone to deliver all three lunchboxes back to Tsunami while boss and I had a quick walk in the woods before trying the tree climbing exercise again.

"Huh," boss began, as he walked up the tree, "This is a lot easier now." Heh, nice to know that physics and common sense applies even to stuff like ninjutsu. Fear me, Laws of Ninjutsu, I'm coming to violate you! Wow… that came out wrong.

"Hey, Naruto!" The Uchiha began in an uncharacteristic yell, causing boss to fall from the tree, "What'd you do to get so much better all of a sudden?" Hmm, not too proud to ask for help, a good mindset for a shinobi. If he saves boss's life or something I'd have to take him off probation.

"Dammit Sasuke!" Boss yelled after he recovered, "I was almost to the top! Why'd you have to disrupt my focus?" A pause, before he remembered what he was asked, "Oh, right, Hikari-chan over here suggested I try holding the rocks over there up with my chakra, (he pointed at the rocks,) before trying to climb up the trees. Apparently it's basically the same principle as tree climbing, except, you know, in reverse." The Uchiha moved to the rocks with a grunt that possibly might be sometimes capable of almost being interpreted as thanks, if you were boss or something. (No offense to him, but boss tends to read stuff in a positive light. At least, I think he does, for all I know he could see things _exactly_ as I do but simply choose to behave as if he doesn't.)

Shrugging, I asked boss to create a clone and dispel it before leaning against a tree to shift through the relevant memories of the chakra control exercise. When I opened my eyes a few minute later, (there wasn't a lot to go through this time,) I found boss pacing up and down the tree I was leaning next to. (The Uchiha was moving through the rocks in fairly quick order, at this rate he should be done before dinner time.)

"Hey Naruto," I began as I walked up to join him, "want to go ask Hatake if he has any more chakra control exercises?" I have a feeling that the reason Hatake only bothered with teamwork and physical training was because those were the _only_ things he needed work on when he was a Genin. Considering that he managed to make Chunin at six-years-old, just a year after academy graduation, stuff like chakra control and learning jutsu probably came like breathing to him. So while he might not be _deliberately_ bad, being a natural shinobi probably makes actually teaching somewhat difficult for him, since how the way _he_ was taught probably wouldn't work for Team Seven.

"Aww man," Boss whined, "I wanted to move on the flashy stuff, you know, the cool explode everything in sight kind of ninja techniques."

I rolled my eyes a bit, "Basics kill, it wouldn't help you to learn something that vaporizes everything in a ten meter radius if your control is so shoddy that you can't even aim it. That reminds me, since this _was_ supposed to be a chakra control exercise, why don't you try making a regular Bunshin?" I moved to sit on a branch as I finished speaking.

Boss frowned, then shrugged, before slowly moving through the three hand seals for the basic Clone Technique. "Aww, it looks just as bad as before." Boss said after looking at the resulting clone, which looked like it was resting contently in one of the higher branches.

"Eh, not really it looks more like it's just asleep rather than dying from a disease or something this time." I mean, it's still pretty useless in actual combat, but it can at least serve as a decoy while at night now. I ruffled boss's hair for a bit before continuing, "So come on, maybe another control exercise will let you master the Bunshin." With that, I jumped off the branch, landing softly into the grass below.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei!" Boss yelled from the ceiling, "Look what I can do! Do you have any more training exercises?"

I gave an amused shake of my head before starting, "Naruto, get down from there please, I doubt Tsunami would like to clean footprints on the _ceiling_." Boss quickly jumped down and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Maa, maa," Hatake began, lazily waving the hand that wasn't holding up that orange book of his, (wonder why it didn't get wet in the fight a few days earlier?) "You're finished already? Well I suppose I can tell you all about the next exercise now. Naruto, you remember when Zabuza and I fought while walking on the water? (Boss gave a quick nod at this.) Well, that's basically another chakra control exercise, where in the Tree Climbing Exercise you had to create a constant amount of chakra and hold it in place, the Water Walking Technique requires you to constantly expel a shifting amount of chakra depending on the condition of the water, so hop to it." He finished with a dismissive wave. …That's it? That's all the explanation you're going to give us? The amount of genius fueled stupidity is astounding. (I'd wish boss was a natural at chakra control too, but apparently it turns off your common sense or something, and boss doesn't need more problems in that department.)

"Well… that was completely unenlightening." Boss said as we exited the house, "Think we should tell the others about this exercise?"

"Nah," I replied with a quick shake of my head, "I mean, we should tell them there _is_ an exercise, but we should leave the explaining to Hatake, that way we might actually get something useful aside from 'You can walk on water!' to help us with the exercise." Hmm, actually, the Haruno girl _might_ actually be useful here! Apparently her chakra control is amazing or something, we can probably see how she does it then work the rest out ourselves. With that thought, I tugged on boss and led him towards the bridge.

"Hey Sakura-chan," Boss began, waving happily at Haruno as he did so, "There's this new chakra control training that Kakashi-sensei told us about. Apparently we can walk on water with it, isn't that great!"

"Like Naruto-kun here said," I added, "there is a chakra exercise that allows us to do that. Apparently we're supposed to constantly expel a shifting amount of chakra from the soles of our feet, the chakra necessary changing depending on the condition of the water. I'm sure Sasuke would appreciate tips after he's done with the Tree Walking Exercise." No reason not to dangle bait when trying to fish after all.

"Well," Haruno began, "You won't regret coming to me for help! I _am_ exceptional after all." …I don't think having exceptionally small reserves due to an unathletic body is something to be proud of. Although… maybe it's more because the spiritual side of her chakra dwarfs the physical portion? I'd have to look into that, maybe ask Kurenai, genjutsu needs good chakra control after all.

"Thanks!" Boss began, preparing to give her a hug, (I forestalled this, no point getting the help angry,) "So, err, how're we going to do this?" He finished as I let go of the collar of his jacket.

"This is a bridge," I deadpanned, "Water is right next to us. Just walk down the side to reach it. Make some clones to guard the place first though." I made a Shadow Clone to join the horde he created, hmm, actually… "Ask Tazuna if he wants some help in building the bridge, the sooner we finish the bridge the better, after all." No point in killing a bridge builder if the bridge is finished already.

"Yes _General_," My clone rolled her eyes at me, "That thought would not have occurred to me otherwise. I am forever your intellectual inferior." …Touchy, well I'll just leave the coordination to her then.

"Okay," I began as we neared the surface of the water, "In the interests of not getting _too_ wet, it's probably a good idea to keep one hand attached to the columns when you're trying to stand on the water." Boss and I don't care either way, but I have a feeling Haruno would throw a fit if her clothes got wet.

"Hey, this is pretty easy!" Sakura began as she walked onto the water, mirroring her words on the Tree Climbing Exercise, "…Seems a bit more draining than climbing trees though." Well, yeah, you're actually _expelling_ chakra rather than merely holding a constant amount. (Though I shudder to imagine the reserves necessary for standing on the water for _half a minute_ to be a noticeable drain.)

"So, err…" Boss began from where he was swimming, (he didn't bother keeping a hand on the column, seeing how he has three sets of the exact same outfit packed,) "got any tips for us?"

"Okay," she began as she started walking back onto the bridge, (boss and I decided to follow her,) "The thing is, you have to _only_ expel enough chakra to hold you up, if you use to much, rather than blowing a hole in the tree like Sasuke-kun did yesterday, you'd actually start pushing the water actively away from you, causing you to sink. On the other hand, if you use too little, you'd sink _anyway_ since you wouldn't be using enough to keep yourself up." … Damn, she got all that from standing on the water for thirty seconds, I wonder if I can get Shikamaru to play a game of shogi with her? Too bad she never seems to _use_ her brain without prompting, because seriously, trying to be a shinobi without keeping yourself fit? Bad idea.

I absently waved goodbye to her as she went to help her _Sasuke-kun_, though boss was more vocal in his goodbyes. (Well, less goodbyes and more thank you very much.) With that done, boss quickly jumped back into the water to continue training.

Hmm, seems like the clones are divided into fireteams of five clones each, with the clone that would have been the commanding officer acting as look out for the ones helping with construction. Though my clone sitting on what I presume is a modified clone of a chair (it looks like a throne made out of… skulls? Seriously? Why would I do that?) makes for an somewhat incongruous sight. (I'm guessing the workers are just ignoring it because of how weird it looks. The fact that she's crackling "Onward, my minions!" probably isn't helping with the weirdness. Whatever, at least she's having fun.) Shrugging, I jumped down to join boss in the water.

Odd… the water walking exercise seems to be coming along faster than the tree walking one. Oh, right, boss's chakra reserves are divided among all his clones right now, I have to remind him to do the exercise again when his chakra level is filled up. …And now boss is sinking again. "Just swim! No point forcing yourself right now." I yelled at him. (I was just floating with my back in the water, using minute amounts of chakra to keep myself slightly higher than I would otherwise be. I might not dispel from getting water in my lungs, but that doesn't mean it is _comfortable_.)

"Yeah… I guess," Boss replied somewhat wearily, hmm, I don't think it's a chakra issue, maybe water walking is disrupting his focus? (Going to have to work on that.)"It's almost dark anyway." Hmm, good point. Dispelling my clone, I found that Tazuna was dismissing his workers for the day.

"Come on, let's go escort Tazuna home," I began, simultaneously making a clone who managed to stay dry by sticking to a column as soon as she appeared, "He's calling it a day." With that, boss dispelled all his clones and I took my clone's place before we made our way up to escort Tazuna home. Where boss showered and changed before joining everyone else for dinner.

"Hey," Sakura began after we finished dinner, "Why do you have a torn picture on the wall? Inari was starting at it all throughout dinner." Ouch, talk about conversational landmine. After Inari shut himself inside his room, (though not before throwing a hissy fit in the process,) Tazuna told us the story of the Hero of the Land of Waves, Kaiza.

So… apparently hundreds of village showed up to the guy's execution where Gato only had two Samurai protecting him. Is picking up a weapon and mobbing the bastards too hard or something? (I know they had weapons because I found a bloody _crossbow_ in the basement when I was going through the house last night. Hey, if we have to hold a position like samurai we might as well make our selves knowledgeable about it.) That is almost as dumb as an entire village being total jerks towards someone practically guaranteed to be one of the strongest Shinobi ever. I… can't think up an explanation for this.

Boss seems to feel otherwise though; maybe he sees something I don't? He just has that determined look on his face, even though he should be extremely worn out by now. Standing up, he went towards the door with a determined gait, tripping over a jut in the floor in the process. Oddly, this seemed to only increase the seriousness of the situation.

"If you're thinking of training anymore," Hatake began, "Don't. You've released so much chakra today that if you push yourself anymore… You could die." He finished with emphasis.

"Doesn't matter," Boss countered, as he picked himself up, "I'm going to prove that in this world, Heroes do exist!" With that, he walked out the door.

…Boss is going to get himself killed like this, and if I stop him, that would _also_ kill him. Damn it all. Well… at least this time it's something that sheer willpower can probably get him through. Ugh, heroes tend to _die_ you idiot!

"I'm going after him." I stated flatly. And then rushed out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Idiot Observation Diary

Day -1:

Should the day before day one be negative one or zero? Meh, technically it's not even 'day,' since it was night when the subject decided to train himself to death. The idiot.

Anyway, the subject managed to knock himself out from overuse of the Water Walking Technique, he calls it training, I call it a death wish. While the chakra portion of the exercise is a non-issue for the subject, the careful expulsion of chakra from his soles proved to be rather tasking on the subject's mental faculties. This was no doubt compounded by the fact that the subject insisted on training throughout the night.

Fortunately for the subject, I was sufficiently close by to grab him and get him out of the water before he managed to drown himself. I will deny any and all allegations that I was contemplating holding him under for a bit. Unfortunately for the subject, his clothes were soaked through and I didn't feel like waking him so that he can change, knowing that the subject would likely go right back to trying to drown himself. While the subject is unlikely to get stick from exposure, thanks to his furry little problem, I did not care particularly to find out if that is true.

Such being the case, I did what any reasonable and sane minded scientist would do in that situation, I dug a fire pit and assembled an… assembly, to act as bearings for a spit. After finding a conveniently straight stick capable of bearing the weight of the subject, I tied the subject to the newly christened spit in such a manner that the subject would not shift in his position as I rotated the spit. Following this, I placed the spit, with the subject sufficiently anchored, onto the spit bearing assembly. With the rotisserie thus completed, I put the various other dead branches, dry leavers, and other tinder I found during the search for the spit into the fire pit, lightning it with matches obtained from my subject's employer.

As I was needed to carefully turn the subject mounted on the spit, least abrupt movement awaken him prematurely despite the subjects known propensity to sleep through anything short of Armageddon, I created an assistant to facilitate the gathering of addition fuel throughout the night. The subject remained in deep sleep throughout the night, though he looked considerably more comfortable after I deemed his clothes sufficiently dry to put out the fire in the fire pit. Unwilling to leave him out in the cold of dawn with only his clothes and rope as covering, I went back to the client's home to obtain a blanket, which I subsequently tied around the subject. This done, I retreated to my observation post in the trees to continue my… observations.

Extra Notes: I have to ask Hatake how he knew that boss's chakra reserves were depleted. While it is _possible_ that Hatake managed to tail boss and I throughout the day, it is nonetheless _unlikely_ that he managed to do so while recovering from chakra exhaustion. Perhaps I'll ask him during the day after I make sure boss isn't going to kill himself?

* * *

Idiot Observation Diary

Day 1:

At this point I should like to note that rather than dividing a 'day' at midnight, with those hours before midnight being the day previous and the hours after midnight being 'today,' I am dividing the days by the break of dawn. That is, everything before sunrise would be 'yesterday' while everything after sunrise would be 'today.' This note is added so that the reader is not unduly shocked by what appears to be a couple very long hours before midnight and a couple extremely short hours before sunrise.

Anyway, the subject was naturally surprised to discover, upon waking, that he was bound and gagged above a fire pit. The fact that he was likened to a pig upon a roast likely wasn't lost on him, especially considering that I used an apple to gag the subject. After remaking that the apple was "surprisingly tasty," despite only being able to eat one bite of it before the rest fell onto the ground, the subject panicked briefly. The subject regained his wits quickly, however, and created a clone before Kawariming with it to escape his bonds. After carefully untying the blanket from the clone, the subject handed the blanket to me, which I handed to my assistant, to return to the client.

Seeing no need to waste "a perfectly good apple," the subject picked it up from the grass after dispelling his clone. We passed a few minutes making small talk, though I refused to answer his questions about this diary I'm writing, as that would go against experimental protocol. Soon after the subject finished his apple, my assistant returned with some bread and fruits, clearly meant to be the subject's breakfast.

After finishing his breakfast, during which I ate an apple to humor him, the subject returned to his Water Walking training while I returned to my observation post. I soon became bored out of my mind, as the subject was fully recovered in terms of his mental capacity the exercise seemed unlikely to pose any danger, at least for the time being. With that in mind, I decided to leave my assistant to watch over the subject while I approached the subject's 'teacher' for my inquiries.

Noon approached without much fanfare, and I returned to the subject, brining with me two containers which… contained two lunches. My lovely assistant reported that there was no change in the subjects condition, aside from the fact that he was apparently growing hungrier, so we waved him over for lunch. Hmm, I wonder if I'm supposed to call her my 'lovely assistant?' While that seems like the stereotypical absentminded professor scientist thing to do, it just seems a bit odd to do so, considering. Eh, I guess just 'assistant' is fine.

Lunch was relatively uneventful, though the subject's surprised expressions as the bits of food he just ate 'magically' reappeared on his boxes was rather humorous. In reality, I was replacing what he picked up with his chopsticks using the equivalent items from my lunch, this was made easier by the fact that the subject refused to eat the food that reappeared, declaring them 'cursed.' Of course, I have my suspicions that it's all an act, and the subject was fully aware of what I was doing. With that small episode done with, the subject returned to his death wish and I to my observation post.

Seeing how the subject's mental control was beginning to falter after a few hours, I 'recommended' that he work on the Tree Walking Exercise instead. While the constant barrage of kunai and shuriken proved unable to deter the subject from his training, it did prompt the subject to start creating Kage Bunshin and Kawariming with them. Deciding that the subject wasn't to be convinced in this manner, I gave the plan up for lost.

Luckily, the prospect of dinner brought the subject out of his suicidal tendencies, and we retired to the client's home. I have managed, without very much difficulty, to convince the subject to slightly overstuff during the meal. The resulting sleepiness made it rather simple for me to ambush the subject with a blanket or ten, that is, one blanket and nine clones. The subject reacted as he usually does when confronted with a situation like this, I deny any and all allegations of participating in a similar situation before this event, and fell asleep.

Extra Notes: Turns out, Hatake was simply using his chakra sensing abilities to determine that boss's chakra reserves were far lower than normal. I asked him how to do it, since chakra sensing sounds like an extremely useful ability. On the plus side, apparently all shinobi are capable of sensing chakra on some level, on the minus side, learning how to sense chakra lower than 'Kage' level takes quite some time, on the _other _plus side, the size of boss's chakra reserves is approaching 'Kage' level anyway, so it shouldn't take that long before I can 'feel' it. I think I'll ask boss to make a Kage Bunshin with as much chakra as possible and then I'll try to track the clone using chakra sense alone.

* * *

Idiot Observation Diary

Day 2:

Eh, writing like a crazy scientist pretending to be sane (or is that sane scientist pretending to be crazy?) is making my head hurt. I think I'll just write like this for the rest of this diary.

Anyway, much like the last time I ambushed boss with a bunch of blankets, he woke up slightly disoriented. Apparently his dreams tend to be in full color and not as… nightmarish when I do something like that, so it's harder for him to tell that he's woken up rather than just moving to another part of his dream. Of course, because something like this _did_ happen once before, he came to a lot faster than last time, and just shrugged before getting himself free.

Of course, the first thing after he got himself free was to rush onto the small lake near the part of the woods I trapped him in. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about the fact that his semi-suicidal training strategy is working, but since boss has improved enough that the Water Walking Technique no longer seems to be giving him concentration problems, I decided to borrow one of his explosive notes to experiment with. (Apparently clones of seals work just the same as the original, and since cloning small objects tend to take only a fraction of the chakra it takes for me to create a of myself, this seems to be a very promising direction to go in.)

After sending a clone off with the explosive tag, (no way am I going to risk dispelling myself when boss might drown due to the resulting blackout,) I turned to find boss making a giant target of himself, literally. He summoned about fifty clones and made them form up into the vague shape of an archery target. (I _think_ the ones on the bottom were trying to use the Water Walking Technique to hold the entire thing up, but it didn't work at all, so some of the clones ended up completely submerged.) Taking the hint, I started throwing random stuff I found nearby at boss, which prompted boss to start dodging them while still trying to stand on the water. (He dispelled the clones at this point, turns out, the clones near the bottom _were_ trying to water walk. Not that it helped.)

About half an hour of target practice later, my 'assistant' returned with breakfast, hmm, I should probably dispel her soon. No matter, breakfast first.

…Ugh, turns out, it's a terrible idea to leave a clone running around for almost three days, should've taken into account that boss just dispelled fifty clones too. Since I can feel the headache coming on, I dispelled my other clone, the one that was causing the explosion noises in the distance. I'm probably going to warn boss and then go sleep in my 'observation post.' (It's really just a branch I was relaxing on to write this diary.)

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki's Journal of Awesome

Day: 0

Because when you're as awesome as I am, _every_ day is day zero. Yeah… I have no idea how that works either, maybe I can ask Hikari-chan after she wakes up?

Anyway, I don't see why Hikari-chan was trying to keep this 'diary' from me. It's not like she wrote any embarrassing stuff or anything. Contrary to popular belief, which I am partly responsible for cultivating, I am _not_ stupid enough to do any possibly suicidal training without a spotter, which is why I'm writing this journal while walking up and down the tree she's on.

Hmm… you know, I have no idea how long it's supposed to take her to sort through about three days of memories. She told me before that she usually just rushes through the memories she receives to get the gist of the information. Considering that she warned me before climbing onto the branch to 'sleep,' I'm guessing she's going to take her time this time around.

Sigh… it's so _boring_ having to act responsible.

For a journal named a 'Journal of Awesome,' there appears to be a distinct lack of awesome things being recorded. This must be remedied at once!

…

Birds randomly landing on me is not awesome, why would they even do that? Maybe… if I train them to become orange delivery birds? Birds that deliver orange goodness into the lives of everything that needs it. Oh wait, I used up my can of orange paint already, there goes that idea. Since I don't have any plans with what to do with the birds, they left me to continue writing in my journal in peace.

…

Why did I think writing something down on my journal would make it happen? Seriously though, birds, get off me, I am not your friend. I think birds are delicious. Go bug Hikari or something, you guys are making it really difficult to write without disturbing you. I should really fix this thing where I unconsciously write whatever I'm saying. Screw it, be that way, damn birds, I totally freaking enjoy your presence. Keep staying on me, like I'm some kind of ultra comfortable orange and blue branch. Naruto Uzumaki is the best bloody bird branch ever.

…

God damn reverse psychology and god damn birds being smart enough to be immune.

Hmm… looks like it's almost noon, I should send a clone off to fetch lunch. Oddly, my clone doesn't seem to have the same problem I have with attracting birds. Weird, Hikari seems to have her own flock of birds now though, or perhaps they've been there the entire time? Why couldn't I sense them before now!? Are they _ninja_ birds? Am I under attack? Okay, deep breaths Naruto, deep breaths and thoughts of ramen.

And Hikari's is waking up now, better slip this journal back before she catches me going through it. (Fortunately the birds seem to have decided to take flight once she's stirring, so this wasn't as difficult as it might've been. Although I do wonder at the point of sneaking the journal back when she's going to read this anyway.)

* * *

Idiot Observation Diary

Day 2:

God dammit boss, don't go writing in other people's books without asking first. Even if you_ know _that I wouldn't mind. Now my day 2 observations are divided into two chunks.

Anyway, what birds? I don't see any birds, was boss going insane or something? Whatever, the clone bringing lunch should have memories of the birds. Speak (or write) of the devil, there he comes now.

Huh, turns out, lunch was delicious. Also, apparently the birds were real. Clearly this phenomenon must be investigated and weaponized.

Boss returned to his training after lunch. Because it looked like boss pretty much has the whole thing down already, I asked him to make a clone with as much chakra as possible, so that I can work on trying to detect the clone using chakra sense alone.

…

In retrospect, I probably should have realized that boss had the ability to suppress his chakra signature when in 'sneaking mode.' (I closed my eyes and asked the clone to move like boss normally does when sneaking, so that I can only sense him by his chakra signature. Yeah… that didn't work out, and made me feel really stupid when I figured it out.) I mean, if he really does have almost Kage level reserves he probably would've been lit up like a giant beacon to the ANBU he always managed to avoid like chumps. I wish I figured this out _before_ dinner though. On the bright side, the bento Tsunami prepared for us was delicious.

After sending a clone off to return the 'lunch'-boxes, I managed to convince boss to try the regular clone technique. Apparently the Water Walking Technique did wonders for his chakra control, since the clones look identical to boss now. (I still get the faint sense that something is 'off' about the regular Bunshin, which I don't get from boss's Kage Bunshin. I don't think it's anything about the appearance either, since there isn't anything like grass sticking out of the regular clone's feet.) Boss then had the bright idea of combining the Bunshin and the Kawarimi, because, and I quote: "It's like I'm moving fast enough to leave _afterimages_!" (Basically he just creates a clone that's perfectly superimposed on himself and uses the Kawarimi right afterwards, leaving the clone to make it seem like nothing happened.)

After celebrating finally achieving the level of an academy school graduate, (kind of sad that it look two months after graduation for boss to finally manage to complete the basic _requirements_ to graduate,) boss decided to go sleep next to the tree where he practiced tree climbing. (Apparently looking at the marks on the tree makes him feel that he's steadily getting stronger, or something.)

Extra Notes: I think I have an idea on how to do the chakra sensing training now. Assuming that the 'offness' of the regular Bunshin is due to the fact that their chakra signature is too different from boss and his Kage Bunshin, having boss's shadow clone create a bunch of regular clones should let me work on sensing the real one using his chakra signature alone. Also, according to Hatake, Momochi should be recovered enough to fight in two or three days. So tomorrow is probably the last guaranteed day of training.

Line Break

Idiot Observation Diary

Day: 3

The night passed without much of interest happening. Although… birds seem to really like perching on boss for some reason. I wonder if it's just the birds in wave or if the ones back in Konoha would react this way as well.

Anyway, in my second 'observation post,' (it's just a tree branch, this time on a different tree,) I saw a black haired girl approach boss. (She's about my height, is wearing a pink kimono with a white obi, has a choker around her neck for some reason, and has long hair.) Hmm, she moves really quietly for a civilian, but what kind of ninja would walk around carrying a basket of herbs. (The good kind of ninja, of course, not looking like a ninja is exactly what a ninja should look like.)

Eh, there's an easy test for her 'ninjaness' I guess, writing everything down is getting boring anyways.

* * *

As the possible kunoichi moved to wake boss, (either that or she's subtly trying to poison him while shaking boss, good luck with that, girl. Boss has been immune to most poisons ages ago, you'd be surprised at the kind of stuff boss tried to eat. Belladonna is _not_ food, even if the berries are sweet. Although… since boss didn't even get mildly sick or anything, I guess it is food for boss?) I quietly left my perch on the tree, and silently approached both of them. (I took care to move like how boss and I normally do when sneaking around, on the assumption that this masks my chakra signature.)

"Hey," I began as I approached within two meters of the girl, (since her hands twitched as if going for hidden weapons, definitely ninja,) "What brings you out here this early in the morning?" Hmm, the birds scattered as boss woke up.

"Hikari-chan?" Boss began, sleepily rubbing his eyes simultaneously, "Who are you talking to?" Who indeed, she looks about the right height to be Momochi's accomplice, maybe I should just stab first and ask questions later?

"Well…" our mystery kunoichi replied, "I was out here gathering herbs, for an injured friend of mine, you understand. But then I noticed him (she pointed at boss) sleeping out here, you can catch a cold like that, you know?" She finished with a slight nod towards boss.

"Ah ha ha," boss rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "I guess I went a little overboard in my ninja training."

"Then… you two are shinobi? That's amazing!" She responded. Hmm… it would be really nice to have an idea of how a civilian would react to two shinobi, can't even tell if she's a good actor or not. I gave a polite nod, it's not like denying it would do anything, especially considering both boss and I are wearing our Hitai-ate.

"Yeah! I'm going to be the best shinobi in the world, believe it!" Boss puffed out his chest as he spoke, "Since we're here, would you like some help gathering herbs?" Eh, if that's how it's going to be, since she didn't attack either of us, I guess we can put off killing each other until we meet again.

"If it isn't a bother," she began after we spent a few minutes gathering various plants in silence, (since neither boss nor I had much knowledge of botany, we just picked the plants that look like the ones already in the basket,) "may I ask you why you're training so hard to be the best?"

"Because there's something I need to prove something to," Boss replied, I wonder if he's being vague deliberately? "And I need to be strong enough so that my village would _have_ to acknowledge me."

"What about you?" She asked me after listening politely to boss.

Seeing no harm in it, I said, "Because there's a certain idiot I need to keep out of trouble." I ruffled boss's hair fondly as I finished. Much to his chagrin. Oddly, she just smiled at my response before turning back to gather herbs. Huh, I almost expected the questions to be a roundabout way of gauging our capabilities.

We soon filled the rest of the basket. "I have no doubt that you two will become strong," she began as she turned to leave, then, as an afterthought, "By the way… I'm a boy." …What. Ugh, must, stop staring slack jawed, if she…he wanted to kill us she… he probably could have as boss and I just gazed dumbly in the direction where she…he went.

"…She, I mean, he isn't a girl?" Boss began after recovering, "He's prettier than Sakura-chan!"

I closed my eyes for a bit before responding, "I… honestly have no idea, I think I'm going to keep referring to him or her as a girl though, I mean, if you don't want to be considered a girl you shouldn't wear pink kimonos. For all we know she could've been lying to us anyway." Too bad her choker made it impossible to tell at a glance whether she was lying or not. Though I do wonder if that wasn't the point of the choker in the first place.

"…Dead last," the Uchiha began as he walked towards us, "does everything that comes out of your mouth end up being stupid?" You'd say stupid things too if the world seems to revolve around making you say dumb things.

"Shut up bastard!" Boss replied, "You're just jealous that you're not as pretty as he is!" Oh that's got to sting. …Although, that would explain _a lot_ about why the Uchiha's tendency to avoid his fangirls like the plague.

"Hey," I interrupted before the two of them could go at it, "Before you two start trying to kill each other, Naruto, can you make a clone for me? I want to try to train my chakra sense again." I should probably convince boss to lay off on the heavy duty training too, if we _are_ fighting Momochi soon we want to be as well rested as possible.

* * *

Idiot Observation Diary

Day: 3

The rest of the day passed without much issue. Although the Uchiha seemed to be really annoyed at boss's seemingly indestructible 'shadow' clones managing to overwhelm him during the spar. No doubt he's trying to figure out a plan against the clones that are using clones already. I wonder what he's going to come up with?

Anyway, I've managed to convince boss to take it easy until we fight Momochi and company, no point going into a fight half dead already. (Unless you have no other options of course. Even then, I would much prefer just grabbing boss and running for the hills, but yeah…)

Extra Notes: I've managed to _finally_ figure out how to track boss using only my chakra sense. Still can't sense anyone other than boss and Hatake with it though, but then again, I was really only interested in working on it to track boss in the first place. Hmm, I guess this will probably be the last entry huh, I somehow doubt Momochi will give me time to write as we fight. Doesn't mean I'm not going to ask though.


	12. Chapter 12

Well looks like we're going to be walking knowingly into a trap today. That's always fun and not stupid at all. Hopefully we won't make a habit out of this. On the bright side, they're pretty much guaranteed to attack on the bridge, since if they were going to attack Tazuna at his own house they would've done it during the night. Although… I should probably get boss to make a few clones to guard the place anyway.

Whatever, might as well go wake boss up. With that, I leapt lightly through the window to boss's room. Huh… I don't remember boss bringing that face eating sleeping cap of his, cute though. "Rise and shine, sleepyheads!" I chirped to the two occupants of the room, "Tazuna isn't going to randomly learn how to defeat A-ranked missing nins you know!" Hmm... probably should've remembered that the Uchiha isn't a morning person. Who greets someone with a fireball anyway? Taking that as my cue to leave, I jumped back out the window before he decides to set the whole house on fire, snickering at his pajamas on the way out.

"Thanks Hikari," Boss began as he dug into his breakfast, "having that bastard incinerate my jumpsuit was _exactly_ what I wanted to wake up to when I went to sleep yesterday." Oh hush, you brought like three identical backups of that thing.

"No problem Naruto-kun!" I grinned at boss, "I live to serve." I finished with a mock bow in his direction. Boss just rolled his eyes before turning back to his meal. I wonder if we can claim reimbursement from the missions desk since it happened during a mission?

"Kakashi-sensei?" Haruno asked after finishing her small breakfast, "Zabuza is supposed to be recovered enough to try again today, right?"

Hatake eye-smiled (that thing with his right eye where it turns into an upside down 'U') before answering, "Exactly! That's why we're all going to go with Tazuna to the bridge today. Sasuke and Naruto can handle the hunter-nin, you and Hikari-chan will be guarding Tazuna, and I'll take care of Zabuza." That sounds like… we're doing nothing during the fight? I mean, I guess we might 'fight' some water clones of Momochi or something, but that's not something to write home about. What did you do today Genin Hikari? Oh nothing, I just played with water a little, yeah, real life ninja stuff. Eh, at least I'll have a front seat view of two Jonin going at it.

"You're all going to die!" And there goes Inari, couldn't you let us finish breakfast first? "Gato's going to kill all of you, so just give up and go home already!" Well _I_ have no problems doing just that, good luck trying to get boss to change his mind though.

"To abandon your duty is not courageous," Hatake began, recognizing the quote, boss and I helped him finish, "Below the courageous there is nothing. Like it or not, we have accepted the mission to guard Tazuna until his bridge is finished, and that's exactly what we're going to do." Heh, quoting the Yondaime makes everyone sound cooler. Too bad the Uchiha and the Haruno didn't join in though.

"Yeah!" Boss began, "So just keep crying like a sissy, we'll save your ass anyway!" Boss tried to give a good guy pose, but he's kind of bad at it. Going to have to find someone to copy a better pose from once we get back to Konoha.

"Anyway," I added, "Unless _not_ opposing Gato gives us immortality or something, (if that's the case, I'm making boss change sides immediately,) we'll die eventually either way, so we might as well try to make a difference." Morbid, but then again, that's basically a one sentence summary of what clones are supposed to do.

"Just die then!" With that eloquent speech, Inari absconded to his room. (I really like the word absconded for some reason; too bad I don't have many chances to use it.)

"Hn." The Uchiha gives a grunt that might be capable of being constructed to point the way to almost reflecting the possibility of being not at all amused, if you were on crack or something. (Seriously though, I have no idea what the Uchiha meant by the grunt, I don't speak grunts.)

"Sorry…" That's Tazuna, "He's probably just worried like we all are."

"Maa, Maa," Hatake waved him off, "It's no trouble, are you ready to go?" And possibly die horribly due to ninja related injuries. With that, Team Seven, Tazuna, and I started out the door.

"Boss," I whispered as we started towards the direction of bridge, "Clones, house, guard, around ten should be fine." Huh, seems like Hatake heard me if that approving eye-smile is any indication, damn freaky shinobi senses. Hopefully he won't remember that I called boss… boss.

The trip to the bridge passed uneventfully, if you can consider boss jumping around like a squirrel on a sugar high uneventful. (I managed to catch a rabbit that was scared out of a bush by boss's… Narutoness. I let the bunny go though, since we're approaching what might be a battlefield.)

"Oh my," I deadpanned, "What could possible have caused this?" 'This' being a couple beat up workers, nice of them to leave everyone alive. I hope they don't expect us to reciprocate.

"… A monster." One of the workers managed to get out. Sigh, I was being sarcastic.

Seeing a clearly unnatural mist beginning to cover the bridge, boss made a few clones to carry the workers out of the line of fire. (Water Walking is so convenient, all he had to do was carry them down to the water and then walk towards the shore.)

"Long time no see, Kakashi." Momochi began, because we can totally see each other through this mist, "I see you've brought an extra brat with you this time, not that she's going to be any help." I rolled my eyes before taking out a Kunai like everyone else.

"Huh," I began after seeing the dozen Water Clones Momochi summoned, "You don't _look_ like a Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot Swordsman, are you sure you're one of the NPZRS of the mist?" The Uchiha just scoffed before slicing all of them up, was he always this fast?

"Hikari-chan," Boss 'urgently' whispered, "I don't think he's a pirate, zombie, or robot." I gave him my best glare, and he smirked up at me in return.

"And she has a mouth on her," That's Momochi again, from the other end of the bridge, (we're on the incomplete end,) "And your other brat managed to defeat my Water Clones, not bad."

"Impressive," Momochi's female accomplice began, (I'm just going to assume she's female, this has nothing to do with that fact that I'd never live it down if a boy was prettier than I am.) "Even if Water Clones are only a tenth as strong as the original." How does that work exactly? Do all their physical stats take a ninety percent decrease? Because there's no way that works out to be one tenth as strong. (Decreasing pretty much any _one_ stat like strength or speed would cut your combat abilities by about as much, since if you're half as fast you're pretty much half as useful, same for strength, stamina, etc.)

"I'll fight him," The Uchiha began the longest sentence he's ever spoken, "I hate deceptive bastards like him the most." Why did the Uchiha assume she's a guy? The voice sounds pretty feminine to me, and I doubt he connected her to the girl gathering herbs.

The two of them rushed at each other with a quick "Go" from Momochi. "I don't want to have to kill you," the kunoichi began, "but you won't stand down, will you?" At a negative shake of the head from the Uchiha, she began making… one-handed seals? That's a thing that's possible? Why wasn't any of the practical stuff like this taught in the academy!? The two of them just stood there while water needles began surrounding them. As the needles moved to pierce the Uchiha he disappeared in a burst of speed before kicking her towards Momochi. (You have a Kunai! Stab her or something.)

Oddly, Momochi just started laughing evilly at this. Hmm, the mist seems to be getting thicker. "Looks like we'll be driven back at this rate, Haku." Dammit, that's a guy's name. "And we can't have that, can we?" Wow, her… his chakra spiked at this, and the temperature seems to be dropping significantly.

"Ice Release: Demonic Ice Mirrors," Haku stated before creating a dome out what I presume to be Demonic Ice Mirrors to surround the Uchiha. A technique's name would never lie to you about what the technique is about, after all. After the dome fully formed, (wonder why the Uchiha didn't just walk out, it took like five seconds before the Ice turned into rectangular sheets,) Haku walked into one of the 'mirrors' in gross defiance of logic and common sense, huh, all of the 'mirrors' seem to contain an imagine of him now, weird.

Hatake rushed towards the Dome with a "damn it!" before being intercepted by the not-NPZRS. "Hey boss," I began, "Shouldn't you be, I don't know, helping the Uchiha out? There's chivalry in fighting one against one and then there's not dying." …I didn't mean run inside the damn thing you idiot. Well… at least he made a bunch of clones, (shadow clones _and_ regular clones,) to split the target. Whatever, a Jutsu that changes the temperature of the battlefield (as a _side effect_) should be pretty chakra intensive, so as long as boss and the Uchiha keeps avoiding Haku's attacks they should be fine.

Shrugging, I created two shadow clones to cover Tazuna more effectively. So much for front row seats to an A-ranked ninja showdown, I can't see a thing in this mist.

"…So" I began after a few minutes of _not_ seeing an epic ninja battle, "See anything interesting on TV recently?" I mean, sure, I'm _hearing_ the clank of metal on metal, but that's not exactly interesting. (I _am_ getting memories back from boss's clones that dispelled from Haku's attacks, but being killed by a needle isn't exactly an experience to write home about.)

"...Should we really be making small talk right now?" Haruno asked. A reasonable question, but…

"Sure," I replied, "You see how thick this mist is, right? That means the only ways Momochi can track us is by hearing, smell, or our chakra signatures. I'm hiding my chakra signature right now and I doubt your signature or Tazuna's would be easily detectable while he's fighting for his life, so that leaves smell and sound. Assuming Momochi isn't part dog or something, the smell bit shouldn't be an issue. Thus the only way he would find Tazuna is by hearing him." I made a hush gesture to Tazuna as I finished.

"That still doesn't tell me why we should be having a leisurely chat at a time like this." Haruno stated.

I shrugged, "This way, it's far easier for him to find _us_ than Tazuna. No offense to Tazuna, but we'd be much more likely to survive being attacked by a Water Clone or something than he is." Although… maybe not _too_ much better in Haruno's case. "So… read any interesting books lately?"

Haruno just shook her head and returned to guarding Tazuna silently, spoilsport.

"Hikari! Sakura!" Hatake's voice rang out, "Protect Tazuna-san!" …Sure, that's sound really simple, now that I can't even see past my own hand in this mist. Hmm, better make a few more clones then. Well… since I can't see anything _anyway_, I decided to turn to face Tazuna rather than face outwards, this way if Momochi manages to bypass Sakura and my clones, I should react faster.

…! The hell? One of my clones just got bisected. (Not exactly the most pleasant memory.) How the heck did he even sense her? (Invisible, inaudible, and probably without any chakra signature… maybe the mist does something besides just taking away our sight?) And there goes another one. "Not to alarm you or anything, Tazuna-san." I began, "But it appears that Momochi is about to gut you like a fish." Way to go Hikari, that will totally calm the client down.

Thankfully, Hatake managed to take the hit in place of Tazuna. (Looks like his flak jacket prevented the worst of the damage.) Looks like me pushing Tazuna out of the way was unnecessary then. "You're getting sloppy, Kakashi." Momochi began, (because taunting enemy shinobi during a fight is a genius idea,) "Are you worried about your brats trapped with Haku? Don't, they're probably dead by now." If by dead, you mean doing perfectly fine, boss hasn't even gotten hit yet, (Kawarimi + Shadow Clones + Regular Clones = one ridiculously difficult to hit target, can't say the same about the clones taking the hits for him though,) the Uchiha got nailed by a couple senbon, but nothing serious, he seems to be slowing down a bit though. Heck, I can feel boss's chakra signature, and it doesn't feel like boss is even winded.

"No need to fret," Momochi continued, "I'm about to send all of you to the same place." With that, he disappeared back into the mist. (I'd have tried to cut his heart to pieces with some summoned kunai, but I think trying to approach within five meters of him is a terrible idea.)

"Hikari, Sakura, stay here." Hatake began, "Looks like it's time for me to end this fight." With that, Hatake also disappeared into the mist. God dammit, less than fifty meters from a shinobi showdown and I can't see a damn thing. Whoever invented the jutsu that made this mist should be killed.

"Zabuza Momochi," Hatake's voice boomed through the mist, "You seem to be under the impression that I survived thanks only to the Sharingan and copied Jutsu. But now… I will show you my original Jutsu." Not cool, whoever runs the universe, aren't you just taunting me at this point?

…

!

Boss's chakra signature… it disappeared.

He _might_ just be sneaking around again, but that wouldn't explain the sudden dispersal of his clones.

"Sorry Tazuna," I began, "I need to check something out." With that, I flashed over to where I last sensed boss's chakra.

"Is this the first time you've seen a precious comrade die? Such is the way of the Shinobi." I heard Haku asking a dumbstruck Uchiha as I appeared. The Uchiha seems to be starting at… boss's… Kill. Everyone. Now.

"Not... quite...," I heard my voice say, while I watched my hands reach into boss's equipment pouch for an explosive tag, taking care not to disturb him as I did so, "though this _is..._ the first time I'm able to do something about it." I absently watched Haku retreat into his mirrors, not that it would save him.

"He… saved... Why!?" I ignored the rest of the Uchiha's ramblings.

"Did you know," I heard my voice again, while a brief flare of chakra down my arm activated the timed explosive tag, "While a cloned explosive tag can be tricky to activate… An _already active_ tag can be cloned without issue." Looks like Haku isn't attacking, mistake...

Without fanfare, I summoned four clones of the tag to the outside of each 'mirror,' attaching the tag in my hand to a kunai as I did so. "Die." I heard my mouth mutter as the kunai was sent flying towards the 'mirror' I saw Haku walk into.

…Curious, the ice shards seem to have melted before any of them could hit us. And it looks like Haku's forced out, understandable, considering every one of them shattered. Odd… he's just standing there. No matter, I summoned a kunai to my hand and deftly slit his throat.

Hmm… looks like the large explosion blew away the mist. That seems to be Momochi's dead body over there, having a hole where your heart is tends to do that to you. Weird… why is there a bunch of nobodies at the unfinished end of the bridge?

"Hehehe," an insignificant voice crackled, "Looks like he wasn't much of a demon after all… That Zabuza. And what do you know? That worthless apprentice of his is dead too. Now all that's left is to kill all of you! Urk." Hard to talk with a kunai sticking out of your throat, isn't it.

"You! Girlie!" Insignificant #2 began, "You killed our meal ticket! Now- Urk!" If you're going to talk, protect your throat.

"Get her!" Another idiot shouted before taking a shuriken to the wind pipe.

I heard something whiz by before landing next to the mob. Possible threat? Eliminate?

"If you come any further into our island," I heard Inari yell, "The citizens of Wave will stop you with everything we have!" Hmm... it would be… difficult to kill everyone here before continuing in Konoha. Best to just wait and see, I suppose.

"So," I heard Hatake and fifty Kage Bunshin of him say, "Do you want some of this?" Apparently not, because the band of insignificants turned tail and fled back into their ship.

"Hikari-chan?" I heard boss's voice say. …What? "You err… kinda have blood all over your clothes and hair and stuff." I turned to see boss hobbling towards me with needles sticking out of him.

"Uzumaki-san," that stopped him cold, "I would… advise against approaching me right now." I'm not sure what would happen when my current goal of killing everything clashes with the need to protect him at all costs, and I don't want to find out.

"…Are you okay?" He asked, "Can you, I dunno, return to normal or something?"

"Of course, Uzumaki-san." With that, I closed my eyes and dispelled my clones that were still active.

Hmm, obviously the reason I still want to kill everything is that I didn't plan for a situation where boss would die and then turn out to be fine. I'll just modify my default response to boss's death to trying to revive him before moving on to burning the world. I'll need to look into this later, but as a quick patch, this should do.

"Hey Naruto-kun," I began as I opened my eyes. "For future reference, if you Kawarimi to save someone's life at the cost of your own again, I'm going to kill the person you saved. So don't try that again, got it?" I enveloped him in a crushing hug before he can respond, ignoring his cries of "ack, needles, pain!"

"So…" Hatake began, "Now that this is all over with, let's head back to Tazuna's. It's been an eventful morning, and I'm sure we can all use a shower." With that, Team Seven and I (Tazuna, and Inari as well) made our way back to Tazuna's home, accompanied by the cheers of the villagers that came with Inari to help out.

* * *

"Here."

"Thanks." I took the proffered glass of apple juice. "So… looks like you're the new Hero of Wave, eh Naruto-kun?" I tried a small smile at boss. Wonder how long it would take for them to let this one die alone too. Ugh… bad thoughts.

"I guess," Boss's rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Why aren't you celebrating with us? Even _Sasuke _is more noticeable than you were at the start of the party, and he only came because I asked him to." I wonder what kind of idiot dictator stashes all of his stuff in a mansion he built right next to the people he's oppressing? Oh well, at least we get to throw a great party, and I bet we can get full A-ranked pay thanks to the fact that Wave can pay us now.

I shrugged before answering, "For that matter, why aren't you? I would've thought you'd be basking in the glory of being a hero right now." Or rather, being _recognized_ as a hero.

Boss shrugged slightly, "I didn't actually do that much you know? Sure I rescued Inari and his mom from those two samurai and sure I took a hit for Sasuke, but they're blowing things way out of proportion." I took a sip of the juice as he talked, weird, this doesn't taste like apple juice, I think I remember this taste though…

"Boss," I began, "Did someone spike your drink? The juice tastes… like apples, but not like apple juice, you get what I'm saying?" He shrugged before taking a sip of his own drink.

"Hmm… yeah," he agreed, "I think I've drunk something like this before though."

"Doesn't it taste kind of like that time you left some of your homemade apple juice lying around for like six-months before finding it again?" I asked. I think some yeast ended up in the mix when boss was making it.

"Huh," he titled his head slightly, "I think it does! Let me go look at the bottle I poured the drink from." Shrugging, I followed boss as he made his way into the cellar. Sure is nice of Gato to lend us his mansion for the party, I hope his dead corpse being beaten around by angry villagers is appropriate thanks.

"…Did you just look at the 'apple' part of the bottle and ignored everything else or something?" I asked boss as we entered what's clearly a wine cellar. Why was boss even down here looking for juice anyway?

He shrugged, "Apple cider, apple juice, what's the difference?" Eh, whatever, the drink's delicious anyway.

"Seeing how Gato is in no position to complain, let's bring a few bottles back to Konoha with us." I suggested.

"Sure." With that, we grabbed drained our glasses, set them down, and took a few bottles of apple cider each.

"So…" Boss began as we walked towards Tazuna's, (he left his backpack there,) "Were you serious about the killing the person I saved if I died for it?"

"No… I was definitely just joking," I deadpanned, "And I totally have no plans about torching Konoha if you ever die either."

"Yeah…" He said slowly, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do things like that."

I shrugged, "If you ever manage to make me promise not to do such a thing, I'll hold to it. But until then, better stay alive boss!" I summoned a clone to pinch his cheeks, since neither of us had our hands free. Boss just glared at me and my clone in response.

We quickly covered the rest of the distance to boss's backpack, and started towards the mansion again, taking sips from the bottle of cider each of us was carrying at intervals.

"Hey boss."

"Yeah?"

"You know what would be a great idea? A seal to turn everything within a certain area _orange_." I finished by taking a drink from my cider.

"Yeah… we don't have any ink or sealing paper though." He replied, also finishing his sentence with a brief chug of his cider.

"Ha, we have a lake right here you know. Just draw a design on the shore or something, this way we can just wipe the ground and start over if we mess up or something." I finished with a nod at boss and his clone.

"Eh, sure, why not?" Boss drained the rest of his bottle and started drawing on the muddy ground with it. You can tell he's working fuinjutsu magic because the squiggles are unintelligible and apparently know how to make duplicates of themselves. I settled down a good five meters from where he's working, taking casual sips from my cider as I did so.

"Done!" Boss cheered, "Bask in the glory of my awesome orangefication seal." I basked in it, giving boss a grand applause as I did so.

"So…" I began, "How do we activate it?" In retrospect, we probably should've worked on this part first.

Boss shrugged, "I dunno, just need to get chakra into the system somehow. Maybe… blood?"

"Seems like a _great_ idea!" I cheered, "Hold my bottle, I'm going to cut myself."

"Errm… Hikari?" Boss asked, "You do remember that your blood disappears after you dispel right? Let me do it." Shrugging, I dizzily watched boss stab himself in the hand with his kunai, dripping his blood on the seal before his regeneration fixed his hand up.

"Hmm…" I began, "Shouldn't something be happening right now?"

"Eh," He shrugged, "Give it a few moments."

We stared at the design for around fifteen minutes before shrugging and turning to go to the mansion again. Which way was that again? We never did figure out which way was the correct path before being hit by a flash of light and collapsing in a heap.


	13. Chapter 13

"As you can see," I heard my clone begin, wait… when did I make a clone? "Your concern at this point is both unnecessary and unappreciated." Hmm… seems like it's still night, so I haven't been out for long.

"Maa, maa," Hatake responded, "I was just concerned about the cute little Genin under my care, is all. But if you think you've got it under control I'll just leave you be then." I can almost hear him making an eye-smile before disappearing. Whatever, might as well get a status update.

"Report?" I asked my clone as I stood up, taking care not to wake boss, who was right next to me.

"After I was created to pinch boss's cheeks," she began with a brief salute, "I decided to stick around for a bit since you didn't dispel me. A brief period of observation later, I determined that your mental faculties were compromised, possibly due to cider consumption, so I modified my mission parameters to guard the two of you." Hmm, I guess I never did dispel that one clone, did I?

"Anything of note besides the Hatake's interference?" I asked.

"The Uchiha was around about half an hour earlier, apparently he was worried about boss since we never returned to the mansion. At least, that's what I think he meant, all he did was grunt at me after seeing you and boss lying on the ground. Of lesser note was the fact that there was a significant amount of birds that decided to sleep on you and boss before you woke up." Hmm, weird bird magnetness aside, nice to know boss's teammates actually give a damn about him, I guess. Too bad I don't have a good way to tell if I'm still affected by the alcohol I drank earlier or I could just dispel her and get her memories. (How the heck did I even get drunk off cider anyway? That stuff has barely any alcohol in it!)

"What about the seal boss drew earlier?"

"It created a bright orange flash, it did not seem to affect me however, unlike you and boss who were knocked out. My current hypothesis was that it was because I was either further away from the seal than the two of you or because I wasn't drunk." Hmm… I guess _technically_ shining an orange light on something turns it orange, not exactly what I had in mind for an orangefication seal though. Eh, we can always do more drunken sealing experiments that may or may not end the world as we know it when we get back to Konoha.

I shrugged a bit, "Can you watch over boss for a bit more? I'm going to go get some supplies for an idea I have."

She saluted, "Of course, milady." What's with my clones and making up weird ways to address me? Although… I guess all of them were variants on the stupid 'Lady General' code name they randomly decided to assign me. Whatever.

"Thanks." With that, I set off to loot Gato's mansion for the materials I needed.

* * *

"Hikari-chan?"

"Yeah boss?"

"Why are we in a cave?"

"Shouldn't you be telling me that? It was your seal that sent us here after all." There was a somewhat decent copy of boss's seal next to us. (Considering boss was _probably_ drunk when he drew it, I'm guessing he won't notice any minor differences.)

"Okay… Next question, why is there a sword stuck in a pedestal over there?"

I shrugged, "Maybe it's the Caledfwlch, and whoever pulls the sword from the stone becomes the rightful king of England." I finished in a dramatic voice.

"…What's England?"

I shrugged again, "Some fictional country a lot of the novels I read are set in. I'm pretty sure the sword's real though." For some definitions of 'real,' considering it's really just a clone of a sword modified to look like one of the artist renditions of the Caledfwlch.

"Huh, that remind me, we should probably booby trap Zabuza's sword before we go back to Konoha." Since Haku turned to have only put boss in a state of _temporary_ death, boss and I (mainly boss) decided to dig the two of them decent graves. Zabuza's sword was left there, since no one on Team Seven can actually use the thing. (I would've taken it with me to sell on the black market or something, considering it _is_ one of the swords of the Seven Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot Swordsman of the Mist, but I guess we can always come back for it later since no one outside Team Seven and I knows where the graves are.)

I nodded before asking, "So… Aren't you going to try to free the sword? You might actually end up king of England! From what I've read, that's like the equivalent of the Hokage for that country."

Boss shot me a suspicious look, "I'm not gonna randomly pull out a sword I found in a cave a botched up seal sent us to! That's like rule number one of not getting yourself killed by booby traps." Of course, since _every_ rule is rule number one, I don't quite see what the big deal is.

"Aww boss." I whined, "Can't you humor me for a bit? Pretend I'm dying of chakra depletion or something and that the magic sword over there is the only thing that can save me." I mimed collapsing from lack of energy as I finished.

Boss rolled his eyes, "Whatever." Then he slowly walked up to the pedestal before pulling the sword out.

"Wow," He deadpanned as a boulder started rolling at us, "I _definitely_ did not see that coming." Oh shush, I worked hard on that boulder trap. (I'd like to see you try getting a boulder larger than the cave entrance inside a cave.) "Aren't you going to get up and, I don't know, run away from the giant boulder that's slowly moving towards us?"

"Nope!" I chirped, "Dying of chakra depletion or something, remember?" That, and I could dispel the boulder at any time, since it's just a clone.

Boss just rolled his eyes before dropping the sword and picking me up (like a princess!) and running towards the exit.

"Watch out for the hidden crossbow traps, by the way." I began after said crossbow traps began firing at us. "I couldn't find any non-lethal versions, cause you know, that's not how deadly weapons work."

"…Any other absurdly lethal traps you'd like to mention?" He asked after dodging the rain of crossbow bolts.

"Yeah… you're stepping over a pit-trap right now."

"…How did you dig a pit trap that quickly?" He asked as we fell down, on the bright side, I made sure the trap is too small for the boulder to fall through. On the minus side, I probably should've made sure that the boulder wouldn't just block it off.

"Clones," I began after we landed, "look on the bright side though. At least they didn't have enough time to put the spikes in before you woke up. But now, you shall face… the _Labyrinth_." I crackled evilly as I finished.

"Let me guess, I'm not allowed to just put my right hand on one of the walls and then walking around while keeping in contact. Because that would kill you, or something." He deadpanned down at me.

I shrugged, "You can try that, I guess, but we landed near the middle of the maze, so I'm not sure if that trick would work. I don't have anything after this though, so once you get out, we're done."

* * *

"So… won't we get in trouble for not being there to protect Tazuna today?" Boss asked after we made it out. (Turns out, having clones modify the maze as we wandered around doesn't work if boss just lucks out into a straight path towards the exit.)

I gave a dismissive shake of my hand, "Nope! Apparently all the workers wound up being hung over, so Tazuna's just staying home today. Since we just got out of a life of death battle yesterday, Hatake figured we deserve a break too, so he's guarding Tazuna alone right now." Assuming by 'guarding' one means reading the perverted book of his while a clone does all the work. Hmm… I really hope boss doesn't pick up any of Hatake's habits. (Considering that there's very little chance of Tazuna being attacked at this point, making a clone guard the bridge builder isn't really that big a deal. But that's not exactly what I have issue with.)

"Where are we, anyway?"

"About two kilometers north of the ruins of Uzushiogakure, I think. I couldn't find any decent caves in Wave, so I decided to look here instead." (You'd think a place called the Land of Waves wouldn't be so flat, but there you go.) Boss just nodded his acknowledgement and we made our way towards the ruins.

"Huh… Apparently those spirals on your jacket were Uzumaki clan markings." I began after seeing the spirals that adorned almost every bit of broken architecture, "You'd think the store you bought that jacket from would've mentioned that."

Boss just shrugged, "You'd think they'd teach us about the clan of the greatest sealing masters in the world in the academy too. But apparently common sense just doesn't apply to us sometimes." I understand that the Old Man had to divide up his responsibilities _somehow_, since running an entire village by himself isn't really feasible. But was it really that much to ask that they be screened for common sense first? I mean really, _flower arrangement_ as a Kunoichi course? Given that the civilian schools _probably_ don't have a class that idiotic, wouldn't that mean the very fact that a female knew how to arrange flowers mark her as, you know, a shinobi rather than a civilian? (Hmm… since boss is on active duty for two years and reserve duty for another six, I wonder if I can convince him to go to a civilian high school in two years. You know, if a shinobi world war or something doesn't break out.)

"So… plans to visit the store for more reasons than to replace your burnt jumpsuit aside, can you make sense of any of this gibberish?" I pointed at the 'intricate' seal work on most of the crumbling buildings as I finished. The stuff looks almost identical to the random squiggles boss drew yesterday.

"…Maybe," Boss mused out loud as he traced one of the seals with his fingers, "I need more information to figure out the other seals, but I think I can clearly identify seals that were designed to preserve the things they were written on." He pointed at some random lines that looked completely identical to the rest of the stuff.

"…I think I need to be drunk for this. And I _really_ don't want to be drunk, since it's obvious in hindsight that my common sense goes right out the window after just a tiny bit of alcohol gets in my system." I still can't believe I managed to get drunk off apple cider, it's bloody apple cider!

…

Sigh, too bad I don't have some ramen to distract boss from the seals. Although… "Hey boss."

"Yeah?"

"You know how the reason different storage seals don't interfere with each other is because the minute differences in painting the seals creates a separate universe or something that objects are stored in?"

"So?"

"Well doesn't that mean if we were to, say, make a _clone_ of a storage seal, then the objects inside the seals would be able to be retrieved by the cloned seal. And _that_ would mean…"

"Fresh Ichiraku ramen during missions!" Boss cheered. We shared a high-five at this, I mean, sure, you can use the storage seals as a method of instant communication too, but a girl has to have _priorities_.

"Although… we'd have to figure out a way to activate the seals remotely, since I don't think Ayame or Teuchi has any training in molding chakra. Assuming I'm not in Konoha while you're on missions of course." (Considering what happened on this 'C-rank,' yeah… I'm not going to let boss out of my sight for awhile.) Modifying the storage seals probably wouldn't be that difficult, considering that remote activation explosive tags exist.

"Hmm, yeah. Do you think you can get some more advanced texts on sealing? A full time Seal Master to tutor me would be great, but someone like that would be ridiculously expensive, even assuming we get A-rank pay for this mission." Considering the Jonin-section of the library hasn't been able to keep boss out since he was four, getting more texts on sealing wouldn't be a problem. I'll have to ask around for books written by someone other than Jiraiya though. (No offense to his abilities as a writer, but… yeah. Not the kind of author I want boss to read a lot of.)

"Anyway, it's almost noon. Let's head back to Tazuna's for lunch. Not like we can't just come back anytime while we're in the area." It's only a ten minute trip after all, too bad I had to drag boss away from the seals anyway.

* * *

"Rekka Hikari," the Uchiha randomly began as we finished lunch, "Fight me." …?

"Why?"

"Just shut up and fight me." …Like a good little fangirl? Wait, no, shutting up is the exact _opposite_ of what his fangirls tend to do. Hmm… Yeah, drawing a blank on the metaphors department right now.

"Aren't you recovering or something right now? I could've sworn most people don't recover from being stabbed through by needles that quickly." I mean, my only 'firsthand' experience with that kind of thing is boss's instant healing after the senbon were removed from his body. But I'm fairly sure most people don't have a nine-tailed Bijuu sealed inside their stomach.

Whoa, it's the spinning magic red eyes. Hmm, since the main weakness of transplanted Sharingan are the exorbitant chakra cost, I wonder if that means boss plus Sharingan equals fun time. Eh, I like blue more than red anyway, even if red and yellow make _orange_. I glanced briefly at boss, who made a 'just go along with it' hand wave. Shrugging, I led the way outside.

"Due to the exceedingly rare even of the Bastard over here noticing a girl," Boss pointed at the Uchiha, "I have decided that it is my solemn duty to preside over this pissing contest." And apparently it's also your solemn duty to be bonked in the head by Haruno. Hmm… I should read up on psychology, I have a feeling threatening a 'fellow' shinobi about not hitting boss wouldn't go over well, so a lighter touch would have to do.

"Anyway," he continued after nursing his bruise for a bit, "Since we're all loyal shinobi of the leaf (Ha ha ha, although… I guess technically I _am_ loyal to my Hokage. It's just that _my_ Hokage happens to be someone other than the Sandaime.) we won't be going for serious injury here. So the spar is until first blood _only_. Capiche?"

"Aye, aye, captain." I mock saluted boss, who gave a dignified nod in response. The Uchiha just grunted, which in a parallel dimension could possibly be considered to be almost an act of implying a chance of assent, if you were the kind of person that sees faces blank paper.

"Start!" Boss yelled as he brought on of his hands down.

"Fire release: Great Fireball Technique!" …Okay, so technically a fireball wouldn't cause bleeding since it _cauterizes_ the wounds. But what the hell? Just, why would you even do that in a friendly spar? I stealthily created a clone behind the Uchiha in response. Hmm… odd, that clone was exactly where I wanted her, but the Uchiha is about fifteen meters away from me.

"Ahh!" I screamed, "The fire, it burns! Why would fire do something like that to human flesh? Why?!" Of course, I dispelled immediately after the fireball actually touched me. So I tapped the Uchiha's shoulder from behind him.

"And… you're dead." I said as he turned a shocked expression towards me, "Can we stop now?" Apparently the answer was a resounding 'no,' because I had to make another clone next to boss so that I don't get dispersed completely. (Good thing the Sharingan's reflex boosting effect seems to only work on the stuff it sees, otherwise boss would be in a coma right now.)

"Alright, alright." I put my hands up, "I give up. You're faster and stronger than I am, not to mention your reflexes completely outstrip mine. Considering I don't know a single elemental technique, your Jutsu knowledge probably exceeds mine as well. So… happy now?"

"I don't believe you." The Uchiha got out with a grunt.

"You don't believe what?" I replied, "That the 'Rookie of the Year' happens to far exceed some random Genin's abilities in pretty much everything related to being shinobi?" I mean, aside from lethality, he _is_ better than I am. Although… that in itself is rather odd, since I'm probably a lot deadlier than he is despite being far weaker by any conventional measurement.

"Exactly," he seemed to be biting his words as they came out, "You took down Zabuza's apprentice like he was nothing. I almost _died_ trying to fight him, and the only reason I didn't was because _Naruto_ of all people had to save, my, life!" Actually, I'm fairly sure you would've lived, considering…

Hmm… Haruno looks kind of shocked at this, wonder why? "Okay, look. The only reason I managed to beat him was _because_ the two of you fought him. It was obvious that Haku was running out of steam against you two near the end. The reason he _didn't_ stuff me full of senbon needles was because he _couldn't_, maintaining that dome of his had to take a lot of chakra, he was probably fighting exhaustion just to stand at the end." At least, that's my interpretation of it, could also be that Haku was feeling suicidal for some reason.

"Wow Sasuke," Boss began, "What brought this on?"

"What brought this on?" Huh, he sounds like he should be foaming at the mouth at this point, "What brought this on!? I'll tell you what brought this on! Apparently being 'Rookie of the Year' isn't worth jack in the real world. Since it seems like any random shinobi my age could hand me my head on a platter, your girlfriend included! But rather than get someone useful like her, I had to end up with Haruno of all people on my team!" …Wow. Way to make a girl cry, jerk… Maybe she'll decide to work harder to become useful now though? Hmm, boss seems to be going after her, hope he convinces her to train more.

"Okay… Haruno's less than stellar combat abilities aside, you're being waaaaaaaay too hard on yourself. From what I've seen, you're easily Chunin in terms of fighting ability. I mean, I haven't actually seen the necessary leadership skills generally required of people of that rank. But you're actually kilometers above your peers." Although the fact that the person you're trying to kill is light-years above the typical shinobi probably means you still have your work cut out for you. Though I don't really have any information on last year's academy graduates, so your 'peers' basically mean the people in your academy class… I should work on that, I was supposed to have graduated last year, after all.

"Then why," he seems to have gone over the edge of being demented to being perfectly controlled now, "Pray tell. Is the Dead Last, just, as strong, as I am?"

I shrugged, "Because the academy system is retarded. Duh. I didn't even go to the academy and I can see that. I've actually worked with one of the other Kunoichi from your year, no way Haruno makes a better shinobi than she does. The reason Naruto is the 'Dead Last,' as you call him, was because the Bunshin was like ninety-percent of the grade. Fail the Bunshin, fail the academy, and he never got the chakra control necessary to make a proper Bunshin until... thirty-six hours ago? Something like that."

Well seems like he's calmed down now, and probably embarrassed about the outburst. Not that you could tell from looking at him. Hmm… you know… his mask of indifference is just as good at hiding his emotions as boss's mask of… 'Narutoness.'

"Anyway…" I began after the silence started to get awkward, "If you _really_ want to get stronger more quickly, you should seek out some of the other ninja from your year. From what I've seen, every Jonin-sensei has a different specialty, like Ninjutsu for Hatake and Genjutsu for Kurenai. Ask them if you could join them for practice sessions during your free time or something. Not only would you get a broader range of learning, you'd get a chance to see a lot of different fighting styles, which is always nice." Hmm… why does giving him advice feel like a terrible idea? Eh, I'll just make sure to keep my offensive abilities far above any possible defense. The range of my Kage Bunshin no Jutsu seems like a good place to start. After all, if something isn't solved by application of fire power, I'm clearly not applying enough of it.

My bit of common sense (which seems increasingly uncommon the more time I spend around people who aren't boss, sometimes including people who _are _boss) dispensed for the day. I left to chase after boss's chakra signature.

* * *

"So…" I began after boss and I met up, "How'd your possibly life changing conversation go?"

Boss shrugged, "We probably should've swapped, I don't think Sakura-chan listened to me very much." Well… that's probably partly your fault, boss, you've played the fool so long that people have trouble believing you can have good advice.

"Well _I_ may or may not have convinced the Uchiha to get out more. Which, by the way, I should get a medal for if he actually ends up doing so. There's being an introvert and then there's being a jackass to your own damn teammates. Although… he's really only being a jerk to Haruno, and I can't really blame him for that." It's not slander if it's true, after all.

"But Sakura-chan's a genius! You _know_ that Hikari-chan." Well, yeah, but I also know that being a genius doesn't mean anything unless you do something with it. Which the Haruno seems disinclined to do. Even her main 'goal' of trying to marry the Uchiha isn't being helped along by her 'genius.' I mean, in what possible world would fawning over someone who clearly doesn't want to be fawned over attract his notice?

I shrugged, "That means… very little. If someone were to try to kill her. Maybe if she was a medic-nin or some other supporting shinobi being smart would be enough, but right now, she's part of the front lines, and that means a minimum level of combat ability is necessary." Although, considering _Tsunade_ is the paradigm of what a medic-nin should be, maybe that was a bad choice of example. Hmm… I _really_ hope being perverted isn't something that runs in the Sannin. Because if that's the case, that would imply the Old Man's perversions got passed down to his students… Which doesn't bode well for boss.

"…I guess you're right." Boss conceded, "Maybe you can give talking to her a try later?"

I shook my head, "If you really want to convince her that badly just henge into me and talk to her. Frankly, I don't like dealing with your team very much." Seriously, your team has so much emotional baggage that the one person _without_ any emotional baggage manages to turn that _into_ emotional baggage. "Anyway, want to go fishing or something? I _really_ don't want to deal with your teammates until dinner."

* * *

"…How is that even possible?"

"Ha!" Boss yelled, "Take that common sense! The power of Ninjutsu has slayed you!"

"More like, the power of chakra apparently being able to do anything managed to catch fish with a perfectly straight hook. But whatever you say boss, whatever you say." …And now I have to do the dishes for a week after we get back. "Also, I do not believe 'slayed' is a word, try slain."

"Slayed sounds cooler."

"Whatever."

* * *

"This fish…" Boss started while trying to make tears come out of his eyes, "Is the most delicious fish I've ever tasted. If you knew how to make ramen from scratch I'd ask you to marry me." I rolled my eyes at boss's antics, though I did make a note to myself to ask Tsunami for some cooking tips.

"So…" Hatake began, "How was your day my cute little Genin?" …Because clearly the aura of depression surrounding Haruno screams 'this was a good day' to you.

"I've found a magic sword that I had to adbandon because a trap was going to roll over Hikari-chan and I had to carry her to safety."

"I discovered that Fuinjutsu experiments probably should be carried out while sane."

"Hn."

"…" …Wow. How did Haruno manage to say _nothing_!? I mean, if she didn't speak technically she would've said nothing. But she's _saying_ nothing. If I were a robot like those in Asimov's novels, I'd probably be exploding right now.

"My day was great too!" Hatake eye-smiled, possibly oblivious to Haruno, but most likely just pretending to be, (hopefully he decides to knock some sense into her later,) "Especially the part in my novel where-" Whatever he was about to say was cut off by a kitchen knife landing right in front of him on the table. Hmm, are we _sure_ Tsunami is a civilian?

"Come on Naruto," I began as I started dragging boss upstairs, "We are not getting involved." Maybe this will teach Hatake not to read smut in front of minors? A quick teeth brushing and shower later, boss was in bed and I was on the roof. Hmm, the rest of the mission would probably pass uneventfully, but I guess there's no point getting sloppy. So I created a quartet of clones to watch over the surroundings before going to 'sleep.'


	14. Chapter 14

"I wonder if making us run on the morning we got back from an A-rank mission makes Hatake a good teacher or a bad one."

"…"

I jumped lightly over a protruding tree root, "So where are you going to put the mission pay? I don't think the shoebox next to our uncrackable (and completely empty) safe can hold much more."

"…"

"Want to go get some ramen to celebrate after we're done?"

"Yes!" Boss yelled, pumping his fists in the air. And then promptly fell face first into the ground. Well… on the bright side, I've managed to cure him of responding to _everything_ someone says when he really shouldn't be. Too bad ramen still sets him off.

"Just…" I shook my head slightly, "Take it easy, alright? Hatake told us to keep running until he returned, not to kill yourself… Even _Haruno_ is going to outlast you at this rate." Credit where it's due, she _is _taking things a bit more seriously now, so my statement isn't meant to imply that boss is about to collapse in five minutes.

"I would've been fine if you didn't make me unbalance myself!" Boss shot me a glare, which would probably work a lot better he isn't lying on the ground.

I shrugged, "To be fair, you're the one letting me do so. I mean, what if an enemy ninja tries to distract you by talking about ramen before trying to slit your throat?" Though that's sufficiently unlikely that I probably don't need to worry about it.

"Can't we work those kind of things out by, I dunno, _talking_ about it?" He whined as I pull him to his feet, "Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am _not_ a masochist."

"Eh, sure, why not." I responded, "We'll try working out your impulse control issues by talking." Not as fun as watching boss taste the consequences of the dumb things he does, but whatever.

"_Thank you_," He replied, beckoning me to follow as he did so, "Let's keep running though, it's not like Sasuke's going to stop running while we talk." I rolled my eyes before running to catch up.

* * *

"You know…" I began as we started on what is probably our _thousandth_ lap, "Hatake probably won't notice if we just made a clone each and let them run for us."

Ah… speak of the devil.

"Hey guys!" He waved towards me and Team Seven as he walked leisurely towards the center of the training ground, "Sorry it took so long. I got lost on the way to the tower, and then, because I took so long getting there, I forgot the way back!" Perfectly understandable, I get lost wandering around the streets around here all the time. I mean, I've only got like fifty _thousand_ hours worth of memories of walking around Konoha.

"You're… late." Boss managed, panting. Well… can't blame him for being tired, going all out for three hours probably made him hit the wall. Hmm… I guess I'm going to have to drag him to Ichiraku's before we visit the clothing store. (He's still in better condition than the other two though, the Uchiha probably can't talk even if he felt like it, bad idea to get into an endurance contest with boss, and the Haruno… is still Haruno, even if she's a bit better now.)

"Awwww," He eye-smiled down at his collapsed team, "Don't be so down, my Cute Little Genin. I brought… presents!" He then pulled out a small stack of paper ('small' is describing both the stack and the paper) and waved it around for a bit.

Since no one else seemed inclined to respond, "Yay, cheers, celebration, smile with great enthusiasm, put hands in air." I monotoned. (I didn't actually do any of the things I said.)

He just eye-smiled again, "Glad to see _someone's_ enthusiastic. Anyway, everyone take a piece and channel some chakra into the chakra paper, your affinities are as follows: Fire if it burns, Wind if it's cut, Lightning if it wrinkles, Earth if it crumbles, and, lastly, Water if it becomes wet." Huh… aren't these things really expensive? Wonder why Hatake decided to test his team's elemental affinities _now_ when one of them probably doesn't have the reserves for elemental jutsu.

"Hikari?" Boss prompted me, "Aren't you going to take one?" …? There's one for me too? Somewhat superfluous since I have the same affinity as boss, however. (Probably Wind or Water, considering his parents. More likely wind, considering the leaf incident.) Shrugging, I took the proffered piece of paper from Hatake.

…Odd, it seems to have disintegrated in an intense flare of fire. I'm completely unharmed though, it burned too quickly to cause any damage, or maybe it's just designed that way? (In retrospect, I probably should've created a clone just on the off chance that boss wasn't wind or water aligned.) Wonder why the Hatake looked disappointed for a moment there though.

"Hey Naruto," I turned towards boss, "Watch out for…" Curious, boss's paper split into two. "…Nevermind, let me borrow these for a second." I grabbed the two pieces from boss before channeling a smaller amount of chakra than last time. (I wanted to see the paper being shredded like what boss did to the leaf, so I intentionally channeled a large amount of chakra the first time.)

"Weird, was the first one I got defective or something?" I mused as I cut boss's paper into smaller and smaller pieces. The Hatake eye-smiled at us while I did so. (Both of boss's teammates had rather unexpected affinities, lightning for the Uchiha, despite somewhere around ninety-percent of the Uchiha being fire aligned, and earth for Haruno, which is a rather… physical attribute for someone who coasted along on her brains.)

"All right Team Seven." Hatake began in a slightly more serious voice than usual, "Due to your exemplary performance on the C-rank turned A-rank bodyguarding mission, I hereby dismiss you all for a week long vacation. Remember to keep in shape though! If you guys perform well when we reconvene, I'll teach you all some new Jutsu." He finished with an eye-smile. Shrugging, I turned to leave with boss. (Holding him up slightly, since he's still tired from overexerting himself.)

"…Ah, Hikari-chan," Hatake called us as we the other two left the training ground, "Do you mind talking with me for a bit?"

"Sure… I guess." I created a clone for boss to lean on instead, "Go on without me Naruto-kun, I'll catch up." I added for boss's benefit. (Boss just nodded before ambling towards Ichiraku's.)

"So…" I broke the silence after boss left Training Ground Three, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Maa, maa," He gave a slight dismissive hand-wave, "Don't be so impatient."

I just shrugged and started giving him a deadpan stare.

"You know…" He began after five minutes of the impromptu staring contest, "I was one of the students of the Yondaime Hokage…" Yes… I _know_. I've been deliberately neglecting to remember that when I'm dealing with you, why bring this up now?

"…So?" Was my response, since it's obvious he was waiting for one.

He shrugged like it's no big deal, "So… Do you have anything you want to talk about? Why, for example, you're looking out for Naruto-kun? You're clearly above Genin level. Not to mention the fact that the Hokage trusts you implicitly. So… why are you still a Genin? I'm sure you could've been prompted easily, one way or another, you don't really need to hang out with Naruto and, by extension, his team, for training or the like." Translation, you've been sneaking around trying to figure out my background. And when inconsistencies popped up, you asked the Old Man about it, who apparently stonewalled you. (That, or you're just naturally suspicious.) Hmm… how to deal with this in a way that allows me to keep training with boss.

"It's like…" I shrugged slowly, trying to buy time, "He's a little brother of mine, you know? (The fact that my current appearance is based off of his probably helps this line of thought.) Since no one else was brothering to deal with him, I figured I might as well take care of him." Huh, I'm amazed I managed to keep the venom out of my voice. The Hatake seemed to buy it though, if the eye-smile is any indication.

"Alright then! Since that's all I wanted to know, I guess I'll be seeing you next week." He gave me a cheery wave before disappearing in a Shunshin. Huh, why do I have a feeling a hilarious misunderstanding just took place? Oh well, ramen time! With that happy thought, I dispelled myself to take the place of my clone, who was indeed at Ichiraku's.

"Glad to see he didn't keep you long." Boss greeted me between mouthfuls of noodle.

"You can tell when I do that?" 'That' being my teleporting trick. If boss can sense it, other people probably can too, I'll have to work on that. Ramen first though, no point in wasting the bowl 'I' ordered after all.

He shrugged a bit before answering, "You feel like you're more _there _when you don't have clones running around. It's like… like you're warmer or something, or closer, I don't really know how to describe it." Hmm… sounds like he's sensing my increased chakra signature. Easy enough to test, I'll just do the trick again when both me and my clone are suppressing our signatures.

* * *

"Wait a second…" I began as we passed by the conveniently labeled jumpsuit section of boss's favorite clothing store, "All the jumpsuits in the jumpsuit section are one pieced suits."

"Of course." Was boss's puzzled reply, "The _definition_ of a jumpsuit is a sleeved top and trousers in one piece."

"So why did you keep calling your jacket and pants, which are clearly two separate pieces of clothing, a jumpsuit?" Hmm… wait a second, how did boss know the definition of a jumpsuit when I didn't? It wouldn't make sense for the knowledge of language not to be passed on to me, since otherwise I should be illiterate. Although… maybe all my knowledge of language comes from my subconscious inducting the meaning of words based on boss's memories? That _would_ explain why I thought boss wore a jumpsuit, since none of his memories explicitly defined a jumpsuit.

"Really? When was that?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, you were wearing the same outfit you are wearing now, so probably about a year ago?"

"Huh…" You'd think I'd have an easier time of telling whether boss is just _pretending_ not to know something, but you'd be wrong. Since this isn't really all that crucial, I don't really care enough to keep asking.

"Anyway, just grab some replacements for the outfit the Uchiha burnt already." I dragged boss to the section where he found the outfits last time. Hmm… a lot of the clothes here have the Uzumaki spiral on them. Although… considering that the red spiral is on the back of the Chunin flak jackets, it probably shouldn't be that surprising that the shape is rather common.

"Hey!" Boss rushed to a bin nearby, "They have individual packets of those swirling white things here!"

"The what to the what now?" I asked after finding (and taking down) an outfit that's identical to one the boss is wearing.

"You know," He waved a small plastic packet at me, "Those tasseled white spiral things that are on my shoulders." He pointed at the one on the left shoulder of his jacket for emphasis.

"…So?"

He shrugged, "I figured I can use them as decoration around the apartment or something. Clan symbol, you know?" Hmm… this gives me an idea. I wonder how much it would cost me to make a replica of Zabuza's sword? (While I _could_ just go back to Wave and grab the original, I'm not too certain I can disarm all the traps boss and I put to prevent someone doing exactly that.)

I gave the jacket and pants to boss, "Here. I'd buy them for you, but it's not like I can carry money around with me." I mean, sure I'd create what _looks_ and _feels_ like actual coins or notes when I clone myself, but if I ever used my teleporting trick the real money would just fall to the ground. Hmm… I guess we'll be going to a shinobi supply store later, if the storage seals work how I think they will, I could just keep some money inside a storage seal, any clones I make of the seal should allow me access to the same storage space.

"Naruto?" Hmm… this voice… Ino? "What are you doing here?" I'd ask what she's doing here in response, but I have a feeling that people in clothing stores are probably shopping for clothes. (Aside from the people who work there, of course.)

Boss gestured to the stack of clothes and swirly doodads he's holding, "I needed to buy a replacement for my 'jumpsuit' (…Boss, I swear, if I find out you've been deliberately messing with my vocabulary I will make you memorize a dictionary) so I came here after lunch with Hikari-chan over here." He finished, nodding in my direction as he did so.

"Hikari Rekka, right?" She gave me a slight bow.

I nodded before returning the bow, "Ino Yamanaka."

"Hmm…" She tapped her chin before crossing her arms and smirking up at me, "If you don't mind me asking. Who are you?" Well _hopefully_ she isn't asking for my name, although it _is_ tempting to answer the question that way.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that. Care to elaborate?" I mimicked boss's puzzled expression to the best of my ability. (Boss wisely decided to go pay for his stuff rather than stay around.)

"Don't play dumb," She shook her index finger at me, (why do I have the sudden mental image of a blue hedgehog? Hedgehogs aren't blue!) "As you've said, I'm a Yamanaka, you can say that we make a habit of trying to read people."

"…So?" Hmm… given what she just admitted, I can assume that her fangirlish front is just that, a façade. (Well that explains why she acts so fangirlish despite being from a clan of mind reading ninja. Though it doesn't explain why she let Haruno keep on being a fangirl. You could just ask. Shut up brain, no one asked you, except me, but that's unavoidable, seeing how I don't know of a way to keep thinking without you.)

"So… are you the shy, introverted girl I met on the streets; a second showoffy shinobi that likes to run around in orange; or, perhaps, a secretly genius shinobi whose intelligence and laziness matches my teammate Shikamaru?" She stepped closer in gross violation of my personal space to stare into my eyes before adding, "The last one's Shikamaru's idea, by the way, if you read between the lines of 'troublesome' and 'crazy blonds.'" Huh… I had no idea my beating him _one_ time out of fifty games of chess mattered so much to him. (Boss doesn't like to play chess for some reason, and playing against one of my clones is, frankly, retarded, so I play a few games of chess with Shikamaru in the library sometimes.)

"…Where did he get the idea that I'm lazy?" Yep, out of all the other choices to take note of in her statement, _that's_ what I'm going to talk about.

"He says that he sees you in the unspecified place he goes to avoid training all the time. Apparently spending time there marks you as being lazy, or something." She gave a shrug as she backed off slightly, "I somehow doubt it though." Duh, the reason I spend so much time in the library is because I don't exactly need to exercise to keep in shape. Hmm… actually, I should find out how the physical stats of me and my clones are determined. Something to do I guess.

"So… do I need to give you an answer or are you the type that likes to figure things out on her own?" She gave a negative shake of the head, which I took to mean that I don't need to give her an answer, "Nice talking to you then, but I need to go buy some sealing tags, and I'm sure you need to get your own shopping done." With that, she rushed towards the female side of the shop after advising me on a good shinobi supply store to buy sealing tags.

I waved boss over while creating two clones. (I created one first, which gave her fifty-percent of my normal reserves, and then created the other one, giving her twenty-five percent.) "Okay you two, find some rocks or something to test how much weight each of you can lift. After that, go run a race or something to test your speed. Finish off testing your reflexes somehow." This ought to give me some preliminary data on the correlation between the amount of chakra I have and my physical attributes. (I noticed Ino looking at my clones curiously while going through racks of frilly skirts. Hmm… do skirts that have a frilly underside count of frilly skirts?)

"What was that about?" Boss asked as we made our way to the store Ino suggested. (Boss sent a clone to bring everything there and start decorating.)

"I'm just testing how my chakra reserves influences my strength and speed, and so on. Hmm… actually, I should also test its effects on my clones' durability shouldn't I?" I promptly created a clone to inform the other two of that fact. Stabbing themselves in the hand with a kunai while trying to hold together should do fine as a test.

Huh, the store is right next to Yamanaka Flowers, the name could be more original though. S3? Might as well just call yourself the Shinobi Supply Store and leave it at that.

"Hey boss."

"Yeah?"

"Can I borrow a thousand ryo for something? There's this seal I'm interested in buying."

He whistled, "A thousand ryo? That's like… twenty bowls of ramen!" Or one-hundred cups of instant ramen, but who's counting? Besides, you have almost half a million ryo saved up my now. (Assuming that we're getting three-hundred thousand from the mission pay of two A-ranks, of course. Hmm… where to put the money is actually a serious concern now. I guess I can check out some banks or something later.)

"Thanks," I beamed at boss after taking the thousand ryo note he took out from the cute frog wallet of his. I then walked up to the bored looking employee manning the cash register while boss went to drool over storage seals and explosive tags.

"Excuse me," I waved at the employee as I approached, (hmm, I don't remember him from any of boss's memories, but he's clearly a Chunin. I wonder where they keep the files on Chunin in the Intelligence Department?) "Do you have any 'extinguisher' seals in stock?"

"Yeah…" He gave a half-hearted nod, "How many would you like? It's a thousand ryo for one or five hundred each if you're buying more than fifty." …When would anyone _ever_ need to use so many of the things? They're useless for combat since if you can get close enough to plant the tag, you can just dispel the clone by hitting it with something.

"One's fine." I handed him the note I got from boss to receive the tag in return. (Using Chunin reflexes and speed to grab exactly one tag out of likely many esoteric seals under the counter, definitely something all shinobi should aspire to.) "Thank you." I absently moved towards where I saw boss going while examining the seal. (The shelves are tall enough that I can't even see boss's spiky hair.)

Hmm… turns out, the character in the center of these seals isn't 'fire' (火) after all. (I mean, it _would_ be kind of a weird character for a type of seal called _extinguishing_ seals to have, but I don't name the stuff.) It's apparently the 'fire' character with a horizontal line above it. (灭) Well… considering what happens to fire when you cut off the air source, I'm going to take a wild guess that the character means 'extinguish.' Wonder why they use that completely imaginary character rather than '消' though?

* * *

Hmm… I still can't make heads or tails of the seal after staring at it until the Chunin kicked me and boss out to close the store. (Boss was equally distracted looking at the various types of storage seals. He decided to just buy five different types in the end, three scrolls and two tags, as well as a remotely triggered explosive tag. All in all it came out to around two-thousand ryo.) Guess I'll have to either raid the library or try to ask around to see if I can find a Seal Master willing to enlighten me.

"Well…" I began as we walked towards Ichiraku's, "First things first, hand me one of the storage tags."

Boss complied and handed me the one with blue backing. (The other one has green backing, and, as far as I can tell, that's the only difference.)

I held it between my middle and index fingers before making an exact duplicate and handing the duplicate to boss. Hmm… I'm not sure if the stuff I have, being clones and all, would work properly inside the other dimension, so… "Boss, hand me one of your kunai will you?"

I then balanced the seal on my forearm with the kunai on top, before sending a tiny flare of chakra into the seal to activate it. Causing the kunai to disappear in a puff of smoke. Hmm… I wonder if the smoke thing is a natural effect or if the seal masters just like to put it in for dramatic effect.

"…Well?" I asked after boss did nothing to activate the cloned version for half a minute.

"What?"

"…Activate the cloned version." He shrugged before complying. Hmm… so that trick _does_ work after all. Useful to know.

During the rest of the way to Ichiraku's we figured out that yes, we can put cloned objects inside the 'storage dimension' and no, I can't dispel the object in another dimension and get the chakra back. In fact, I couldn't dispel it at all while it's in the 'storage dimension.' (I didn't bother testing to see if we can put a clone inside the storage seal, since I'm not sure if time runs at the same rate there. I mean, if it runs something like thirty years there to thirty seconds here then I'm going to be knocked into a coma when the clone dispels, so yeah, not going there.)

And then we had ramen. And it was good. (I had a bowl of miso with pork, just to mix things up a little.)

* * *

"Hey boss." I began as he exited the bathroom after his shower.

"Yeah?"

"Errm…" Ugh, this is a lot more embarrassing then in my head, "Could I… maybe… sharethebedwithyoutonight?" Overreaction to boss seeming as if he died on the bridge? Yes. But I don't think I'm going to wander around at night for a while. After all, if it wasn't for the fact that Haku purposefully aimed to disable, I'd probably be working on a plan to burn the entire village to the ground right now.

"…Sure" He craned his head at me. "Why'd you need to ask though? It's not like you did that the last time." …Last time I had five thousand clones worth of memories running amok in my head. I wasn't exactly in my right state of mind.

"Just… shut up and look cute." I ordered as I dragged him and his pajamas (and the face eating night cap) to the bed.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey look!" I dragged boss towards the bin with various wallets, "It's a fox wallet!"

"Why a fox wallet?"

I shrugged as I picked up the wallet, "Why not? It's just the right shade of orange, foxes are great. Present company excluded." While the fox may or may not have been acting under its own volition when he attacked Konoha, (the magical spinning eyes are some kind of magical, after all,) it's still sort of his fault that boss is an orphan.

"…Okay" Boss shrugged slightly, "Why buy a wallet now though?"

"Aren't you done with those sealing scrolls you bought like two weeks ago?" Boss gave a nod. "There you go, this way I can carry a wallet around with me rather than having to bring exact change everywhere." Since all I'd have to do is put the wallet inside one of the seals, make a clone of said seal, and bam, me and all my clones have access to money that don't disappear once I dispel.

"I guess that makes sense." A pause. "Though I still haven't managed to figure out how to activate the storage seals from a distance. Since time apparently passes at the rate of one second per second in the storage dimension, meaning we'd only have fresh ramen if one of us left a clone here." Which is, of course, an extremely bad idea if the mission is long enough that we starting _really_ craving ramen, since I'd have issue once the clone dispels.

"Hmm…" I tapped my chin as we walked towards the cashier, "I guess I could ask Kurenai next time I see her for that weird time dilation genjutsu of hers." Apparently it's supposed to be a way to help cram more information into her students in a shorter amount of time by bringing them into an illusion of a classroom where time passes slower than normal. (That is to say, it does the exactly same thing as a regular classroom, except, you know, it's a genjutsu.) Currently we're working on a way for me to be able to move inside the illusion without having to move in reality.

"Why would Yuhi know anything about seals?" Boss asked as he paid the cashier for the wallet.

I shrugged, "She has to be carrying all the shinobi equipment and books she does around _somehow_. No way all those things fit into that dress of hers, ergo, storage seals. Probably."

"Huh," Boss began as we walked towards the Dango Shop for some mixed congee, (it's after breakfast time but before lunch, therefore, snack food!) "How's the genjutsu thing going by the way?"

I shrugged, "It's alright, what about your Jutsu training with Hatake? Didn't he promise one?"

Boss frowned at this, "Cutting leaves is not a Jutsu! I mean, Sasuke got to move straight on to making a better fireball or something, but Sakura and I have to train our 'Elemental Affinities' or something. How unfair is that?"

"Maybe Sasuke already did elemental training for that fireball of his? I mean, lightning is his affinity right? So he must've trained it somehow already."

"Hey look!" Anko waved towards us from where she was seated in the Dango Shop, "It's blond and blonder! How's it going?"

"Who's 'blond' and who's 'blonder'?" I asked as I sat down across from her. (Boss was ordering our snacks.)

She shrugged, "Does it matter? I only call you guys that when you're together."

"Hey Hikari," Boss nudged me with a can after he brought two bowls of mixed congee back, (it's kind of like zenzai, except there's rice and other stuff in it, tastes pretty similar though, but that could just be because they're both so sweet,) "Check it out! It's congee in a can! How awesome is that?"

"…We live in a world where you could accidentally make a bomb from having sloppy handwriting, but you're amazed by glorified soup in a can?" I deadpanned at boss.

"But it's like, _aluminum_ or something! How would you even make a can like that?" Boss made exaggerated gestures as he sat down next to me.

"You know," Anko began between bites of Dango, "If the ninja lifestyle doesn't work out, you two could go into comedy or something. Because you two are bloody hilarious."

"That reminds me," I began, "Aren't you supposed to be working right now?" I mean, I'm not too sure about her schedule, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't get weekends off. Which begs the question of why she's here almost twenty-four seven.

"Who's to say I'm not?" She winked at me.

"How would that work?" Boss asked.

"Shadow clones, obviously," She rolled her eyes at us, "The most useful ninjutsu ever invented. Cheers!" She raised her tea for a toast, which boss and I joined.

"So do you send shadow clones to work while you eat or do you send clones to eat while you work?" I asked after setting my cup down.

"The first, obviously." She gave me a stare, "How would the second version even work?"

I shrugged, "It could happen." Case in point, me.

"Anyway..." She began after munching on her Dango some more, "How's it going? I haven't seen you in awhile."

"If by 'a while' you mean less than a day, but it's been alright." The food at this place? Delicious, if I had only a limited number of things I could take to a deserted Island, this place would be number three, right after Ichiraku Ramen.

"…Really? It felt longer than that, must've been my clones I guess."

"I hate to sound like a broken record," Boss interjected, "But how would that work?" Ugh, time to commence Operation: Kick boss under the table so he stays quiet.

"You know, shadow clones returning their memories to the user and all that." Anko gave a questioning look at boss, "You should know that, with the amount of clones she says you can make." Anko gestured at me. Yeah… I have a feeling I'm acting as sort of a short circuit on that front, so boss doesn't, in fact, get any of his clones' memories. Hmm… boss's finished with his bowl, time to exit stage right.

"Well… he probably wouldn't," I began as I stood up, "Most of his clones don't tend to last long, combat situation and all that." I mean, even 'I' only last a few hours on average, why walk when you can teleport by dispelling yourself after all.

"See you around kids!" Anko waved us goodbye as we left.

…

"I didn't kick you too hard did I?" I asked as we made our way back to our apartment.

"It's fine," boss gave a dismissive wave, "So are you going to use the blue seal or the green seal for the wallet?"

"The blue one, the green one is the one that let's you customize what character shows up when something is sealed inside right?" Apparently the reason that storage seals tend to have characters representing what's sealed inside is because whoever uses the seal specifically chooses those characters. You'd think that ninjas wouldn't label everything so conveniently, but there you go. "Though that reminds me, if you're not using the green one, would you mind letting me make a copy of it? That way you can carry it around and I can send you messages using with it."

"Sure, is there anything else besides that?"

"Hmm… I guess if you can find a ruler or something that would be nice, I'm thinking about testing our reflexes." Because, oddly enough, while the strength and durability of Kage Bunshin appears to be related to their chakra reserves, their speed and reflexes seem to be constant. Thus, the ruler, this way I can see if boss's reflexes and mine are linked.

* * *

"Hmm… is there any reason you're not just shredding it to pieces by overloading the leaf?" I asked after watching boss stare at a leaf for a few hours. (Turns out, boss and I can consistently catch the ruler after it dropped about seven centimeters… I have no idea if that's good or not.)

Boss moved the leaf so that he's holding it between two fingers rather than with his palms before shrugging a bit and replying, "Apparently that method is _unsafe_ or something, supposedly I should be learning how to channel wind chakra safely." Because being a walking talking killing machine shinobi are supposed to be is 'safe.' Hmm… wait a sec.

"Did you leaf just get cut slightly?" Curious, considering that it's been perfectly unmarred for almost three hours now.

"…Huh, so it is, was it because I was holding it differently?" Hmm… does it really work that way? Well there's a simple way to test, I suppose. With that thought, I picked up a rock before placing a single leaf on it.

"…Am I going to have to eat the rock with the leaf as condiment?" Face, meet palm.

"It was _one_ time! Just let it go! …Anyway, just try channeling chakra down your finger when you're holding it like this." I demonstrated by holding the leaf down with just the tip of my index finger. If this produces a single hole rather than a cut, it would mean that boss just wasted three hours trying to cut a leaf using a metaphorical hammer, rather than, say, a pair of scissors.

…

"Well boss," I began after seeing a small hole in the rock, "It looks like you've wasted four hours trying to cut something with a flat surface rather than, say, an edge or two… congratulations?" Well, you live and learn, I guess.

"Arrgh! All this time, all I had to do was hold it between two of my fingers!?" Boss put his hands up towards the sky before falling backwards. "Hey Hikari?"

"Yeah boss?"

"Carry me."

I shrugged, "Sure, where to?"

"…I was joking." Boss said as he stood up.

I nodded, "I know, but my answer would've been the same regardless. Ichiraku's?"

"Ichiraku's." Too bad they're not open for breakfast, or we'd probably eat ramen for all three meals every day. With that, boss and I made our way to the local establishment of the all encompassing Church of Ramen.

"I'll have the usual please." I smiled at Ayame as boss and I sat down.

"I'll take a large serving of miso ramen with roasted pork fillet." Zero points for guessing who said that.

"Sure! Coming right up!" Ayame beamed at us before relaying the order to Teuchi.

…

"Hey Naruto," That voice… Iruka-sensei? "How has things been? I haven't seen you in a while." Well… you _are_ pretty busy ever since the new school year started, though part of that is probably boss's fault for teaching Konohamaru some of his tricks.

"Iruka-sensei!" Boss seemed torn between trying to give Iruka-sensei a hug and continuing to eat his ramen, so he compromised by turning to smile at Iruka while continuing to slurp his ramen. "I've been trying to see you, but I didn't want to bother you when you were grading papers."

Iruka-sensei chuckled as he ordered his ramen, "Too bad you only started being so considerate _after_ graduating."

"Hey!" Boss tried to shoot an indignant glare in Iruka's direction before breaking out into laughter, "I wasn't _that_ bad, comon, back me up here Hikari."

I shrugged, "I'm afraid I can't do that Naruto-kun." I ruffled boss's hair for a bit, "Oh yeah! Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes?" He shot a questioning expression my way while taking the bowl of ramen from Ayame. (Ninja training in action! The ability to move bowls of ramen without spilling any broth all the while looking somewhere else! That alone is worth going through years of the academy, I think.)

"Do you know of any chakra control exercises besides the Tree Walking Exercise and the Water Walking Technique?"

"Do you know your elemental affinity?" I nodded, "Well… from my personal experience, your chakra control gets better as you work on your elemental affinity, so there usually isn't any need for more exercises unless you're planning to be a medic-nin." Huh… convenient. I turned my attention back to my bowl of ramen as boss and Iruka-sensei started making small talk.

…

"But I must've gotten knocked out or something at that point, because one second I was falling backwards from taking a senbon to the knee, and then bam, the mist cleared and there was like a hundred villagers or something crowding around us. The party afterwards was great though."

"Naruto…" Iruka-sensei shook his head slightly, "Be more careful, alright? I've been trying to tell you this in most of the sparring lesson we've had, just because you _could_ outlast people by trading hits doesn't mean you _should_." Isn't that the truth.

Boss shrugged, "A bad idea is only a bad idea if it doesn't work, otherwise it's genius." …Your 'genius' would've gotten you killed against any other opponent though. But I suppose you might as well milk any natural advantages for all their worth in fights, which reminds me…

"By the way," I began after setting down my chopsticks, (I finished my ramen around when boss was talking about how his clones took out the two samurai trying to capture Tsunami as a hostage,) "Do you know of any training that can increase your chakra _reserves_ rather than your chakra _control_ Iruka-sensei?"

"Ah… that's right, you didn't go to the shinobi academy here, did you?" Iruka scratched his chin for a bit. Wait… there was a lesson that dealt with this in the academy? Why don't I remember it? "Well I guess I can give you the short version right now. Basically, your chakra reserves increase when your coils are holding more chakra when they're generally used to, usually this is because you've pushed your current reserves to the limit, so when your body regenerates your chakra, it makes a bit extra, which causes your maximum reserves to increase slightly." Hmm… I guess that would explain why boss has such a large chakra reserve then, since the fox's chakra is probably leaking outward, causing boss to always have slightly above maximum chakra.

"Huh," Boss began, "Why don't I remember of this stuff?"

Iruka send a glare in boss's direction, "I expect that's because you were busy painting a certain _Hokage Monument_ when I taught that lesson." Huh… although I _guess_ it wasn't exactly high priority to boss to learn, seeing how his chakra reserves should be expanding without his input.

"Hmm…" I began as boss turned back to his ramen, "Are you always so busy at the academy? Because I'm wondering if I can sit in on some of the lessons." Like, say, to catch up on any other lessons boss might've ditched.

"Well…" Iruka-sensei began after eating some of his ramen, "Officially, Genin shouldn't need to return to the academy after passing the hidden exam, but there's an opening for a teaching assistant right now, (cough, Mizuki, cough,) so if you want, you can work as an assistant for me and get to learn some of the lessons that way."

"That sounds… nice." I started after considering it, "How do I apply?"

"It's fine," He gave me a slight wave of his free hand, "I can handle the paperwork myself. So are you free to start next Monday?" I nodded, "Okay, expect to be at the Academy Monday to Saturday, from seven to about four, with an hour long lunch break everyday." Hmm, wonder what Saturday is for?

Wait a minute… "By next Monday, you mean one week from tomorrow, right?" I mean, technically tomorrow is the next Monday if you count the week as beginning on Mondays.

"Yeah, it's going to take a while for the paperwork to filter through. Otherwise I'd have you start tomorrow." Since boss is done eating and paying at this point, we waved goodbye to Iruka-sensei and Ayame before leaving for the library.

* * *

"Odd… Shikamaru isn't here."

"Did you need him for something?" Boss asked.

"No… it's just that he's almost part of the decoration of this place by now." I pointed towards the mat he usually reclines on. "You can almost make out his outline on the mat." Probably a combination of the fact that he never moves once he lays down and that he's always in the same exact spot.

"Where'd he play shogi with you, by the way?" Well, usually we play chess, despite the fact that the two words actually mean the exact same thing.

"The board by the corner, see?" I pointed towards the corner furthest from where Shikamaru usually cloud watches. (I asked Shiho to move it there just to mess with Shikamaru, didn't work, the guy's _fast_ when he puts his mind to it.)

"Neat. Hey Shiho." Boss nodded at her as we approached her desk, "I'd like to return this book please." An Intermediate Guide to Sealing: Various Seals That Would Kill You For Using Them, And Why You'd Deserve to Die For It. (Oddly enough, the seal on boss's stomach was in it, with the reason given as: 'because you're a fucking dumbass who decided to outdo his teacher in sealing while committing fucking suicide.')

"By the way, do you know Shikamaru is?" I asked Shiho while she checked the book back in, "Did his mom finally figure out where he had been hiding?"

Shiho shook her head, "I think he's on a mission actually, since he returned all his books a while back." Shikamaru _reads_!? I thought his genius just let him telepathically gain the knowledge of everything he needs to know, ever. (I don't actually believe that, but the world would be slightly more awesome if I did.)

"I see… do you have any other books you recommend?" I've _finally_ exhausted most of Asimov's science fictions works, I'd read his other stuff too, but I have a feeling I'd need a few thousand clones if I wanted to finish them before the next decade.

"You can always try Journey to the West, I think there's even some copies of it in the original Chinese in here somewhere."

"…What's Chinese?" That was boss.

I shrugged, "Some kind of fictional language."

"Why do you keep calling England, China, and Europe fictional?" Shiho asked.

"…Aren't they?"

Shiho shrugged, "They… shouldn't be, I mean, we don't have any believable records of anyone visiting those places, but why else would we have entire works that were written in an entirely different language?"

"Does that mean Middle Earth is real?!" Boss asked. Wait a second…

"When did you read Lord of the Rings?"

He shrugged, "You left it lying around while shopping for groceries a while ago, so I made a clone of it for some reading material while waiting for Kakashi-sensei." He turned back to Shiho, "…Well? Is it real?"

"As I've said, it should be." Shiho responded with a shrug.

"Huh, anyway boss, want to have a game or two of chess while we're here?"

"Why do you like the game so much? Wait, don't tell me, I can guess." Boss went into his 'thinking' pose as I borrowed a chess set from Shiho. (While the chessboard is right by the shogi board, the pieces themselves are kept at the desk.)

…

"Is it because the girl is strongest piece in the game?" Boss asked after I've finished setting up the board. I gave a negative shake of my head in response.

"Is it because good and evil are clearly defined? Although… that would make it kind of odd that you always pick black." Boss asked as he moved a pawn forward.

"Nope."

"Hmm…" Boss tapped his chin while I moved my own pawn to meet his. ("Onward, my minion!")

* * *

"Is it because the two bishops next to the king and queen symbolize holy matrimony or something?" Boss is really digging in the bottom of the barrel now, kind of odd, since the reason seems rather obvious to me.

"No…" I shook my head, both at the fact that he's wrong, and the fact that he just trapped his king under a line of his own pawns. "Checkmate."

"Well… I'm out of ideas, tell me?" Boss asked as after I returned the pieces to Shiho. (I find that statement rather hard to believe however, considering he even came up with stuff like: 'Because the king's crown looks kind of like a fox?' Incidentally, the king's crown looks _nothing_ like a fox.)

I shrugged as we made our way back to our apartment, "Sure, I'm kind of surprised you didn't figure it out, actually."

…

"Well?" He prodded after a while.

"It's because the personage of king is sacred, he alone is never captured, only checkmated." Although my interpretation is that both of the kings are actually so powerful that if they fought at full strength, they can annihilate the opposing army, (save for the other king,) by themselves, so a 'checkmate' is actually when they pull the gloves off and start rampaging across the battlefield.

"…Oh." Boss lapsed into one of his rare quiet moods after that, so we made the rest of the way home in silence.

"Hey boss, what would you like for dinner? We have the ingredients for Mapo Tofu, although I don't remember buying the tofu." Which might be a bad thing, since tofu goes bad quite quickly, it looks fresh however.

"Oh yeah! I found a nice shop that sells Douhua (basically tofu in sugar syrup) on the way back from training the other day, so I bought some tofu there yesterday." Hmm, they should still be alright then.

"Then Mapo Tofu's fine?"

Boss nodded, "Sure."

* * *

"…Are you trying to kill me?"…What?

"Why would you say that?" I asked as I had another spoonful of rice and tofu.

"… Do you honestly not taste how numbingly spicy the tofu you made is?"

"…No? I mean, it's not even that spicy, and the numbness is normal, considering that a main part of it is Sichuan pepper. Just eat more rice and less tofu or something if it's too spicy for you."

Boss just stared at me for a bit before gingerly taking a quarter spoonful of the tofu and eating it with the rest of his bowl of rice. "Next time you cook _anything_ spicy, I'm going into the kitchen with you." He stated as he went to refill his bowl.

I shrugged, "Sure." I was just planning to add less pepper next time, but that works too. "By the way, why didn't you check out another book on sealing while we were at the library." I waved the copy of Journey to the West my clone checked out for me for emphasis.

"The book said that I should really find a seal master to tutor me if I wanted to advance any further. So I guess that's one more thing you can ask Yuhi-sensei for me when you meet her next time."

"Alright, I think she's free this Sunday. So you won't have to wait too long." I said after I finished my bowl of rice. (And most of the tofu.)

* * *

"Sage of Six Paths! They have a new season of the Legend of Zelda anime!" I shouted as boss got out of the shower.

"The what now?"

I shrugged, "It's one of the main anime produced by Nintendo, you know, the guys that make that anime about the plumber brothers that save princesses." I personally don't watch the Mario Brothers, the fact that every episode I watched ended in 'your princess is in another castle' made me lose interest rather quickly, unlike Zelda's elaborate plotlines.

"I… don't know, actually, what time do they usually air?"

I shrugged, "Usually Zelda airs at around 2 A.M." Hmm… I guess that explains why boss doesn't know about it." "Want me to save an episode on the VCR so you can watch later?"

Boss shrugged as he turned to go into the bedroom, "Sure."


	16. Chapter 16

"Well… You know how multiplication is more or less just adding the first number to itself 'n' minus one times, right? (Where n is the second number, i.e. a * n)" Using algebra to explain basic arithmetic is kind of putting the cart before the horse, but since Takeshi is nodding, I'm fairly sure he's following me so far. (Takeshi is one of Konohamaru's classmates, as far as I can tell, he's in the upper half of the class, though he's slightly lacking in terms of academics. Wait… why did I just explain that to myself? The fact is kind of self-evident, since I'm currently helping Iruka-sensei with his class.)

"Good, then in the case of division by a number less than one, I've always found it simpler to think of division as the inverse of multiplication rather than simply being the act of dividing the first number into n equal sized groups and taking the size of the groups as the answer." And… I've lost him. (This would be a lot simpler if you just taught them how to do the calculations by rote rather than the more abstract background of mathematics, you know?) Not the point, brain, learning math isn't an end in and of itself. Simply telling the class how to multiply and divide wouldn't let them know when to _use_ what they learned to solve problems. While they'd learn math either way, if I can make math 'intuitive' to them, then they'd know that it applies to everyday stuff like when you want to share x amount of apples with y amount of people. …!

"Actually, scratch what I just said." Heh, wish I thought of this sooner, let's see… the problem is two divided by three, "Think of it this way, let's say you brought an apple with you to share with your two friends, since you've brought a knife with you, it's a simple matter of cutting it into three equal pieces, right?" Hmm, I hope the hesitant nod is because I'm saying something rather obvious, rather than the reverse. "Okay, now that you and each of your two friends have a third of an apple, you found that there was an extra apple with you, so you cut it into thirds again and divided amongst you and your friends. How much 'apple' would you, yourself, have at the end?"

"I'd have two thirds right?" He replied slowly, "Since I have two apple slices, and they're each a third. …Oh!" And there we go, now I can get back to reading The End of the World: A Sealmaster's Reference.

…

Okay, according to the book, (it looks small and unassuming, about the size of a 'Foundation' novel, but considering each 'chapter' is actually a series of seals containing books on the type of seal being discussed…) it's the ring of squiggly lines around the center circle of the storage seal that determines the characteristics of the target dimension. (Gravity, passage of time in relation to our own world, etc.) Unfortunate, since it's that area which determines the type of activation trigger for explosive tags. (Remote, proximity, timed, etc.)

Well… looks like I'd have to make something completely from scratch if I want to modify a storage seal to be remotely activated, unless the optional outer ring which allows you to add extra requirements for activation would also let you change the trigger from the default 'activate on chakra input' setting. (You could always just give Uzumaki-san some more of that apple cider and have him hack something up.) Yeah… no.

*Thud*

Dammit, why did I use the stupid book to block, now I'm going to have to forfeit the one thousand ryo deposit. Stupid expensive reference books.

Sigh… "Is there anything you needed, Honorable Grandson?" I'd call him Konohamaru like he prefers, but_ I_ prefer not being the target half of 'target practice.' Mistaking me for boss is somewhat understandable, considering boss's somewhat unfortunate choice of technique to teach him, but trying to attack me just so that 'boss' drops his henge… isn't.

"Of course, 'Hikari'…" He gave me a look which I translated to mean: 'I know you're boss and I know you know that I know, so why not just drop the act?' "Can I have my kunai back?"

"Are you going to keep trying to attack me with it?"

"…No?" …This probably ranks in the top ten of the most insincere statements I've ever heard.

"Whatever, knock yourself out." I handed the item in question back to him before walking back to the corner where I was reading.

Well, looks like working on the ramen summoning seal is out, since it's somewhat pointless to design a ramen summoning seal if I'd have to pay the library more money than it would take to hire a team of shinobi to deliver ramen whenever I want some. Sun Tzu it is, then.

* * *

_The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, benevolence, courage, and strictness. By method and discipline are to be understood the marshaling of the army in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers, the maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the control of military expenditure._

Hmm… I wonder if someone can be considered to have good judgment (i.e. 'wise') without actually exercising said judgment. (Incoming.) God dammit, couldn't Konohamaru at least leave me alone in History Class? It's not like there's anything that he can pretend to ask that Iruka-sensei couldn't answer better.

"Why did you duck under a table when I jumped in?" …Anko?

"You're not a kunai." Though a surprise attack on the academy would probably have generated less excitement than her entrance… I'm going to have to fix that window later. "Nevermind, I had a rough morning. Was there anything you needed?" I asked as I led her out to the halls. No point in making Iruka-sensei's job harder, after all, wonder why she couldn't wait twenty minutes until lunch break?

"Indeed there is brat." Anko smirked before messing up my hair. (Sadly, the only effect of my glare is to transform the smirk into a full on grin. She's lucky I like her...) "You, my good friend, have been given a remarkable opportunity. For you see, I, the great and glorious Anko-sama, have been chosen by lord Hokage-sama (ha ha, 'lord Hokage-sama') himself to act as an examiner for the Chunin exams! And you, (she poked my forehead,) my dear Genin, have been chosen to act as my assistant!" Hmm… so the Chunin exams are coming up soon? But first…

"Are you sure it's a good idea to have a Genin help you for the _Chunin_ exams?" I asked as I led the way to the supply closet. (I wonder what it says about shinobi in general that the supply closet always has a supply of new window panes.)

Anko just gave a dismissive wave in response, "It's just passing out waivers and stuff, hardly something you need Jonin for." That's that then, especially considering it's a good chance to gather some intel on the exam for when boss and his team takes theirs.

"Well I'm sold, when's the exams? I'm going to have to clear it with Iruka-sensei." I mean, I _could_ just have a clone go to the academy while I'm helping Anko out, but being knocked out by the memory backlash doesn't sound like a fun time.

"Already taken care of, brat." She ruffled my hair again, giving me a grin as I growled at her, "The great Anko-sama never does things without preparation. Here's a waiver signed by the Hokage releasing you from other duties, a map showing how to get to room 301, and a remote control for what may or may not be an explosive." She winked at me as she handed the items to me. Hmm, better put these in my quest item inventory then. (Also known as the cloned sealing tags I carry around with me.)

Hmm… so it's July first, unless the date and time (16:00) on the map is lying to me. Looks like I could just go there after the academy lets out for the day, convenient. "So what's the remote for?" The design is certainly… interesting, with a giant green button labeled 'Press Me' and a giant red button labeled 'Don't Press.'

"Press that once the written exam is done, I'd wait inside the room like I'm supposed to, but the Dango Shop is only thirty seconds away." Wow, and here I thought boss and I had it bad with our ramen addiction. Speaking of which…

"Want to join me and Naruto for ramen after I fix the window you broke?" I asked as I opened the door to the supply closet. Hmm… two glass window panes, obtained. (One for the broken window, and the other in case Anko decides to leave through a different window.)

"Not Dango?" She managed to hold an incredulous expression for about three seconds, "But sure. I'll meet you after you're done then." She gave me a quick wave before jumping out the nearest window. Well… at least the window was open. Now where'd they put the putty knife and glazing compound?

* * *

Huh, looks like Iruka-sensei dismissed the class early to clean up the loose glass. "Sorry about that," I gave him a sheepish smile, "My friends tend to be a bit…" 'Naruto-like,' would probably be the best word there, but saying that out loud is rather…

"It's fine, truth be told, I expected something like that to happen sooner or later." Hmm, since the broken glass is taken care of already, I suppose I can go ahead and start cleaning the … glaze? glazing? caulk? Whatever the stuff the glazing compound turns into is called. (I think 'glazing' refers to the glass window itself.)

…

Hey, it's those little metal stabby things that you hold the window pane in place with, I'll go ahead and call them glazier's points, because obviously we need more variations on the word 'glaze' to describe stuff about windows.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I blame the pointy glazier's point things for distracting me.

"I said, you can go ahead and break for lunch if you want, it's going to be Taijutsu classes next, so you can work on the window then." Hmm, well I guess that _would_ make sense, since most of it is done outdoors, but…

I gave a negative shake of my head, "It's fine, if I left now I'd still have to wait for Naruto to be done with his morning mission(s) anyway." (How did you just pronounce 'mission(s)'?) ...I have no idea.

Iruka-sensei gave a slight shrug before turning back to the papers he was grading. "Alright then."

Hmm, the next bit would probably be easier with two pairs of hands, so I summoned a shadow clone before unsealing one of the glass panes. …Okay, she's holding the glass in the grooves, now where are the little stabby things? (Equipment pouch.) Hmm… so they are. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, okay, all the points are in place. Now all I need to do is grab some of the glazing compound, roll it around a bit, spread it on the edge of the pane with the putty knife, rinse, and repeat.

* * *

"Speak of the devil," (and she doth appear,) "Looks who decided to finally join the party." Anko grinned at me as I sat down in the empty seat between her and boss.

"Bad form to talk behind a girl's back like that," I responded with a grin of my own, "But I suppose I can let it slide this time." It's probably against the rules to harbor negative emotions while on consecrated ground, after all. "Did you guys already order?"

"Yeah," this was boss, "You're fine with a medium miso, right?"

I gave him a small smile, "Thanks."

…

"And then the jackass dropped a giant engimono statue (I think she's referring to the good luck cat statues, rather than just a giant statue of a random engimono) on me. Seriously, who the hell does that kind of thing?" Anko waved her arms for emphasis, "Which reminds me… Hikari!"

"…Yes?" I gave her a quizzical look after setting down my bowl. "Also, you don't have to yell, I'm right next to you."

She waved off my complaint, "You know how I said to press the button after the first part of the exam is over?" I gave a nod in the affirmative, "Yeah… scratch that, I want you to time it so that my entrance _completely ruins_ whatever mood the bastard's trying to set up. …After he declares the first part to be finished, of course, don't want to get on Hokage-sama's bad side after all."

"…Mood?" Boss and I asked simultaneously.

"It'll be obvious when the time comes. The damned Morino simply can't pass up such a golden opportunity to mess with people's heads."

"Huh…" Boss began, "So what happened after your team failed the team portion?"

Anko shrugged, "Your sensei ended up winning the individual combat phase, beating out Guy, Gai, whatever he calls himself right now, in the finals." She gave a grin at this, "I guess the one good things about losing in the team portion is that I _didn't_ get my ass handed to me by the kiddie prodigies, I think they were like six or seven years old at the time. Boy was that humiliating for everyone else."

"Wait…" Boss held up his hand like he's back in Iruka-sensei's class room, "Does that mean you're older than Kakashi-sensei?"

"That would be the logical deduction from what I just said, yes."

"But that's _old_!" Way to dig your own grave boss, I'll make sure to send flowers to the funeral.

"Ahahahaha, haha, ha, ha…" Anko gave an almost impossibly wide smile in boss's direction, "Would you like Anko-sama to teach you some tact and manners, blondie?"

"Err…" It seems like boss's self preservation instincts have finally decided to kick in, "Sorry but, I have this thing… that I sorta needed to do today… thanksforthemealgottagobye!" With that, boss dashed out of the stand like the devil was after him. Well… hopefully she wouldn't cut him up _too_ bad. I really hope her smile was the: 'I'm not really angry but I feel like cutting something anyway' smile rather than the: 'they shall write poems about your never-ending suffering' one.

"Anyway…" I stated for the benefit of Ayame, who watched the last exchange with a slight smirk, "Thanks for the meal, but I need to get back to the academy now."

"Come again!" She waved at me after I paid for what the three of us ate.

* * *

Alright… it's _finally _payback time. Hmm… maybe I've spent a little too much time with Anko recently, if the scared expressions the class is shooting me is any indication. Since I don't want to scare all of them senseless (just one in particular) I carefully schooled my expression before telling them to start running. (Since I finished with the windows before lunch, Iruka-sensei decided to catch up on some grading, thereby leaving me to supervise the class while they did their daily exercise. It's a shame I didn't practice my evil laugh, because this is a great time for it.)

…

"Ha ha ha ha! Squeal little piggies! Squeal for me!" Lets see… kunai held loosely in hand, check, smile that gets creepier the more you look at it, check, always just two or three steps behind the person I'm chasing, check. Hmm… I still get the feeling I'm not doing the 'chase' properly though, maybe it's because I'm running rather than skipping? (I think she usually whistles a tune or something as well.)

Well… it terrified Konohamaru into tripping over his scarf, at any rate. (That, or he's just clumsy like that.) Step, step, catch the tyke before he falls. Sigh… I suppose there's no point pretending to be semi-insane after demonstrating that I am, in fact, serious about keeping the class safe.

"Rather than running so fast just to trip and fall, wouldn't it be better to slow down a little?" I asked as Konohamaru fixed his scarf.

Konohamaru tilted his head slightly, before starting in a run. "It's fine as long as I stand up again, isn't it?" Hmm… an interesting idea, to trade speed for reliability.

But that's for later, right now… "Shoo! You little maniacs, quit drinking so much!" Really, it's like none of them bothered paying attention to the methods of proper hydration, or maybe it's just an impulse control problem? "This stuff." I pointed at one of the plastic cups, "_Plain water_. If you drink too much now, you'll pay for it later." Maybe if it's ramen broth or something I'd understand, but I'm fairly sure guzzling water destroys the electrolyte balance. Hmm… note to self, obtain a thermos to keep ramen broth in.

"Aww man!"

"But I'm _thirsty_!"

"Slave driver!"

I just rolled my eyes at them, "As long as you've been keeping yourselves properly hydrated, not drinking for less than an hour of exercise shouldn't matter at all. Now shoo." I made a shooing hand motion to accompany this, not that it was necessary, since most of the complaints were theatrical. Seeing nothing better to do, I decided to take a seat next to the table to keep an eye on the water.

Let's see… school gets out at three, Iruka-sensei is going to need one hour for the final lesson of the day and another twenty minutes to catch up on the lecture Anko… Anko-ed. The running will probably take us to one o'clock, so I suppose I might as well skip the individual sparring and just go straight to the target practice.

* * *

"Too much force again, Konohamaru" I twirled a kunai absently, "You'll never break through steel or wood with the just force of your throws. And the sharpness of a properly sharpened kunai should be more than sufficient to cut through skin and sinew with even a light throw. The combination of these two factors means that it's usually better to have a sufficiently high degree of accuracy that you can aim for the 'joints' of the enemy's armor." Why would a ninja bother with the triple locked front door if the back door or a window is left wide open, ne?

"I'd like to see you try!"

*Thud* Heck, let's have another one around where the 'neck' would be too. *Thud* (Kind of weird that the targets are usually painted around the center of mass, i.e. the most likely places to be armored.) I think it's the other way around, actually.

"As you can see, unless the… log… was wearing some kind of funky neck armor, he'd be dead of blood loss in around… five seconds?" Assuming I cut the jugular, of course, since I'm not too sure about the anatomy of plants.

"…Fine." Well, at least he knows to change his mind when confronted with evidence. Since his throws are now at least _approaching_ the target, I decided to leave the projectile dense area that is the academy training grounds. (Or at least the portion of the training grounds with all of the targets.)

…

Ugh, I _hate_ being responsible for thirty or so brats all wielding lethal weaponry. Thankfully, aside from treating some minor cuts from mishandling of weapons, nothing else of note happened during the practice session. …Looks like I'm going to have to restock the first aid kit again.

* * *

Geography class. Enough said. Learning how to _draw_ a map from just surveying the land seems useful, but until we take that week long field trip to actually try doing so… drawing maps by looking at another map is just…

* * *

"Phew," even though it's barely three, it feels like most of the day is over already, "Is there anything else you need Iruka-sensei?"

"Nothing I can't handle later, you can go ahead and leave as well." Never did understand why Iruka-sensei has to man the mission report desk, since teaching is pretty much a beyond fulltime job after you factor in all the paperwork.

"Take care." Let's see… I'm fairly sure boss promised to play with Konohamaru today, meaning we should be meeting next to the barbershop. I conjured a copy of Sun Tzu's before letting my feet guide my way there, no point wasting the thirty or so minutes before we meet up, after all.

…

_You may advance and be absolutely irresistible, if you make for the enemy's weak points; you may retire and be safe from pursuit if your movements are more rapid than the enemy._

"Hikari!" Hmm, looks like boss is here already. A quick glance sunward tells me that he's… right on time, huh. "Have you seen Konohamaru?"

"Well… I _have_ seen him earlier today," I tapped my chin as if I'm thinking, "But right now, the only thing of note in the area is the Amazingly Cubic Rock of Konohagakure." I nodded in boss's direction, to indicate that the 'rock' is behind him.

"The 'Amazingly Cubic' rock…" Well, technically it's more of a rectangular prism, but that's not nearly as catchy. "What kind of rock has two eyeholes in it?" Boss grinned a bit before pulling out some sealing tags, "Clearly such a monstrosity must be destroyed on sight by any upright citizen of Konohagakure. I'm thinking… fifty explosive tags ought to do it?" He then pretended to start placing the 'explosive' tags on the rock.

"Wait boss!" Konohamaru and two tagalongs shuffled out of the 'rock' "Don't explode us!" Wonder where they got the goggles, although I suppose thirty minutes was more than enough for the three of them to go home and change.

"Well you guys go have fun," I began as I leaned back on the nearby fence, "I'll be here if you need me." That said, I took out my book and started reading again.

"Don't be like that," Boss tugged on one of my arms, "Play with us… Please?" Like the puppy dog eyes would work on someone who isn't even looking.

I gave him a deadpan stare for a few moments, before bursting into a grin. "Fine. So what are we doing?" Following my lead, Konohamaru & co. looked expectantly at boss.

"Well…" Boss tilted his head sideways, "We played 'Hide and Seek' last time, so… 'Tag'? Not it!"

"Not it!" …That's some crazy synchronization by the Konohamaru Corps.

"Well I guess I'm 'it' then," I began with a bemused smile, "I'll give you guys a five second head start, so better get cracking." With that, the group dispersed in different direction.

Hmm, seems like Konohamaru is running towards the south-western gate. Alright, better make sure to only slightly outpace Konohamaru while chasing him. (No point ruining the game due to superior physical abilities, after all.) "And off we go!" With that, I 'ran' after Konohamaru.

"You know" I began lazily once I'm within two meters of Konohamaru, "I never did pay you back for ruining my book on sealing, did I?" I'd like to think I'm doing a reasonable impersonation of Anko right now.

"Help! There's a she-demon after me!" Konohamaru spared a few moments to turn his head and pull down one of his eyelids, "Beh-da!" Bad move.

*Crash*

Well… at least he wasn't sticking his tongue out when he crashed into the hourglass ninja.

"That hurt you piece of shit!" The oddly dressed (and makeup'd) Suna-nin growled as he lifted Konohamaru up via scarf. Ugh, this may or may not turn into one of those 'situations.' Hopefully boss doubled back after he realized I'm not chasing him.

"Don't Kankuro…" The more intelligent of two Suna-nin began, "We'll get yelled at later." And was promptly ignored by the body suit wearing… ninja. (He could also be a clown.)

"Boss isn't here right now…" The ninja/clown smirked at me, "So let's play a little."

"A little help please?" Konohamaru wheezed out, "I promise I won't ever mess with your books again." A surreptitious glance upward told me that boss is here already. Hmm, well I guess we can go with the good old 'distract and grab.'

I just held up both my hands, "Sorry Konohamaru, I'd like to help, I really do, but I don't want to be arrested for committing a hate crime."

"…Hate crime?" The Two Suna-nin currently standing on the street like normal people asked. (What's with ninja and hiding in trees?)

"Sure," I made an exaggerated shrug, "I mean, if you're _just_ homosexual _or_ a clown I could probably go at it. But I'm fairly sure attacking gay clowns in public is a big no-no, especially one with pedophilic tendencies." Okay, operation: enrage the target, complete.

"What! You!" Kankuro sputtered, too angry to notice that he dropped Konohamaru who was picked up and carried away by boss. "I'll kill you!" …Really. Whatever.

Sidestep, step, *crack.*

"Oops…" I pretended to rub the back of my neck sheepishly, "I was aiming for your head, but it looks like I broke your… puppet(?) instead. (Odd choice of weapon.)" I flexed my fingers slowly, "Would you like me to try again?" I grinned at him.

"I'll turn you into a puppet, you god damn bitch!" Wow… you'd think he'd learn after the first berserk attack failed miserably.

*Bonk*

Okay, so that's _not_ actually the sound that a rock makes when it hits someone's head, but _you_ try using a different sound in this situation.

"…What are you bastards doing in our village?" Thank god Haruno isn't here, just _imagining_ her screech is giving me a headache. (In case it isn't obvious, this is the Uchiha speaking.)

"Oh god, another show-off, help me out here, sis." The face-painted manic muttered as he glanced towards her.

"Temari… Kankuro… Stop." The Suna-nin who was hiding in one of the trees began, wonder why he's hanging upside down? "You're embarrassing our village." Hmm… is it just me, or did the other two start sweating bullets?

"Ga..Gaara." Hmm, a stutter, guess it wasn't just me.

"Losing control of yourself in a fight… How _pathetic_." Indeed.

"Listen Gaara, they started it," Right… because accosting the Hokage's grandson, definitely not provoking an international incident, "and-"

"Shut up, I'll kill you…" Huh… I wonder if appending death threats to an imperative always makes them so readily obeyed.

"Sorry…" To go from enraged to terrified so quickly… maybe you shouldn't have provoked a fight in the first place?

"I'm also sorry… really." Yeah, this cinches it; these two are terrified of Gaara for some reason. (Maybe it's because they're scared he'll kill them?) Nah… too obvious. (…)

"I apologize for the trouble these two caused you guys." Gaara inclined his head slightly, before appearing in a Shunshin between the two siblings. "We're going."

"Wait…" God damn it you people, the ground is like two meters from the tree, _you don't need to Shunshin_, "What's your name?" Stupid chakra smoke.

"Huh? You mean me?" And here I though she was the smarter one in the group. That, or the Uchiha's minus intelligence aura affects kunoichi from other villages as well.

"No." Clearly the face of someone used to fangirls, "You with the gourd."

"I am… Sabaku no Gaara." Damn, whoever picked that name was not messing around. (Gaara of the desert?) Could also be sand waterfall. Guess we know what's in the gourd now. "It's… only polite to give your name when asking for someone else's."

"It's Uchiha Sasuke." There, now that that's over, time to get back to our regularly scheduled game of tag.

"Hey! What about me!" Dammit boss, "Huh!?"

"Don't give out your name to pedophiles…" I stated flatly as I dragged boss towards Konohamaru & co.

* * *

"So how did you know to aim for that bandaged puppet thing of his?" Boss asked as he dug into his teppanyaki. The five of us, me, boss, and the Konohamaru Corps, decided to drop by the teppanyaki stand next to the barbershop after we finished the game of tag.

"Well..." I twiddled my chopsticks for a bit, "All three of them were carrying something on their backs, Temari was probably carrying a scaled up fan, Gaara was carrying a gourd, which I assume is holding sand, since Sunagakure (Village hidden in the _sand_) and all that, following that pattern, it's not too much of a jump to think that the bandaged thing the clown guy was carrying is a weapon of some sort."

"Oh yeah! Boss!" Konohamaru waved his hand excitedly, "How did you sneak past the pedophile clown guy like that?" Haha, character assassination, stage one, complete. "He didn't even see you pick me up."

"It's not really a matter of sneaking," Boss shrugged, "Past a certain point, being stealthier doesn't really help much. Instead, you want the guy you're trying to sneak past to be focused on something else, in this case, Hikari." It's basically impossible to hide if someone knows more or less where you are, so rather than trying to make yourself be less detectable, it's better to use misdirection so that they waste their time searching somewhere else.

"Of course," I added, "You still need a minimum level of stealth to pull something like that off, so yeah… Square rocks… not going to cut it." The only way something like that would be useful is so that you're confusing them as to what to look for, e.g. me and boss wearing bright orange so that when we pull out the 'cloak of invisibility' they keep searching for something that should be extremely easy to see, rather than the slight differences between the henged fabric and the surface we're hiding on.

"Anyway… How was your day?" Boss asked.

I glared at Konohamaru in response, "Could be better, but since he promised to stop trying to mess with my books…" I grinned at this, "Anyway, how's your elemental affinity training going?

Boss rolled his eyes, "Cut this leaf, great! Now _don't_ cut this leaf, push it with your wind, great! Now cut _this_ leaf. Really… I'd be so much happier if he'd just teach me sealing like he's apparently qualified to do." Too bad it takes the signature of a qualified seal master/mistress to check out The End of the World, and boss is too much of a stickler for the rules to sneak a peek at my copy. (Thank the goddess Kurenai didn't mind signing off for me to check out the book; otherwise the ramen summoning seal would be just a pipe dream.)

…

"So then I was like, crap, there was _another_ guard up here. There goes that plan." Boss mimed a dejected appearance, "But the guy was apparently a fan of pranks, so he just looked the other way while I rappelled down to paint the Hokage Monument." I think boss still has that box of senbon he meant to give as thanks. Hopefully boss runs into him before too long, or else chocolate coating might go bad. (The chocolate because the guy always has a senbon in his mouth, even when talking.)

"Alright, everyone done eating?"

I got a round of nods.

"Okay, since I don't want to get lynched by Iruka-sensei tomorrow, I'm going to have my clones escort you guys home, is that alright?" It _is_ starting to get dark, after all.

* * *

"Okay," I began as I received the last of the clones' memories, "Everyone's safe and sound, time to watch 'Twilight Princess!'"

"…Twilight Princess?"

I shrugged, "It's just a name, can't call every season Legend of Zelda, after all."

"Fair enough," A pause, "Can I have my pillow back?"


	17. Chapter 17

"I guess I'll see you next week, Iruka-sensei." At least, that's about how long Anko told me the second stage is supposed to last, would've been great if I had a bit more details though.

"Take care." He gave me a quick wave before heading towards the administrative portion of the academy building.

After taking a few minutes more to clean up a room a bit more, (the place is as disorganized as you'd expect a classroom for eight and nine-year-olds to be,) I made my way up to room 301, nodding politely to the two Chunin 'guarding' room 201 on the way there.

"Hey Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, I guess you're here for the exams?" I waved at the three of them before taking a seat nearby. "Why are you here this early though? No one else is here yet." Of course, it's rather unexpected for them to be here _at all_, I think the last time 'rookies' (fresh graduates from the academy, i.e. one year or less of field experience) were nominated for the exams was five years ago? Although… five years ago was also the last time Konoha hosted the Chunin Exam, so maybe that's why.

"Hey Hikari, want some chips?" I accepted, of course, passing up free food is simply blasphemous. Hmm… I wonder if they have ramen flavored potato chips? "We're here since Ino was worried that Shikamaru would… 'forget' to show up. Too bad she didn't tell the academy students she hired the exam's start time though, I only found out about it when they carried Shikamaru across the front porch of my house." Huh… I was wondering why so many of them decided to leave the academy for lunch.

"It got the job done." Ino gave dismissive wave, "Anyway, where's your team? Isn't the Chunin Exam a team thing?"

"Only if you're taking it," I shrugged, "A friend of mine asked for help proctoring the exams while she ate Dango, so… here I am."

"Huh…" She took a few moments to take the information in, before her eyes lit up, "Do you know anything about the tests then?"

I shook my head, "Only that the second part is supposed to take around a week." And that proctoring that part is supposed to consist of a whole lot of doing nothing, but that's neither here nor there. "Anyway, Shikamaru, chess?" Not bothering to wait for a response, (it's almost guaranteed to be 'yes' anyway,) I went ahead and unsealed the chessboard.

…

"Give me a moment," I began after catching sight of a very particular shade of red hair, "Be right back." Kusa… ('草,' or 'grass') Unexpected… given that you'd have to cross the whole of the Land of Fire to get there from Uzu.

"Excuse me," I began as I walked up to the trio of Kusa-nin, before stopping abruptly as my target shied away from me, "Are you alright?" I asked as I tilted my head slightly.

"F-fine," You sure don't look fine, "I-is there any-anything you need-ed?" Hmm, given that I'm probably the one causing this, I should probably ask someone else to talk to her. (That, or she's being messed up by something that I both can't detect and which is mirroring my movements perfectly.)

"Nevermind," I shook my head as I turned back to resume the game of chess, "I'm obviously making you uncomfortable."

"Well that was a bust," I sigh as I sat back down, at Shikamaru's inquiring look, I elaborated, "I wanted to know if she was an Uzumaki, since her hair is almost a perfect match of someone 'I' used to know." That's stretching the truth a little, but whatever.

"Aren't they mostly gone though?" Ino chimed in from my left.

"Scattered, mostly," I replied after making my move, "I wouldn't be surprised if there was a couple Uzumaki in pretty much every major village." Though Konohagakure makes itself conspicuous by their absence, other than boss, that is. Which is especially odd considering…

"Hey, hey!" Hmm… so Kiba's here as well, looks like they just decided to nominate everyone that graduated with boss, huh. "How's it going Hikari? You here for the 'xams too?"

I exchanged a quick hello with Hinata before shrugging, "Technically? Yes. I'm not taking the exams with you guys though, got asked to help out with proctoring the exams by a friend."

"Weird," Akamaru barked in agreement, "Anyway, have you seen this Kabuto guy and his ninja trading cards? I asked what rarity his cards were since he only had one copy of each, but he didn't answer for some reason."

"Kabuto… Yakushi?" I asked absentmindedly as I moved my queen to check Shikamaru's king.

"You know him?"

I shook my head, "Not more than any other Konoha Genin." In fact, I probably know less about him than most other Konoha Genin, since most of his records were blacked out for some reason. "Wait… what's this about ninja trading cards again?"

"Checkmate, by the way." Shikamaru drawled before Kiba could answer. Well… technically not 'checkmate' checkmate, but I'm dead in three turns, yeah.

"Weird stick people shogi aside, the trading cards are awesome! There was even an individual card for Akamaru." Akamaru barked his appreciation at this, "It has mission records, stats, heck, it even has a favorite food section for some reason." Hmm… curious.

"I didn't know cards like that existed," I began after sealing away the chessboard, pieces and all, (I mean, printing the information of your shinobi sounds like a spectacularly stupid way to get your troops killed in action, but that assumes common sense,) "Yakushi's the grey-haired guy with glasses, right?" I asked as nodded in the direction of the one in question.

"Yeah, that's him." Kiba nodded before running towards an Inuzuka to tell her about the ninja trading cards. …Did I just get peer pressured? (You do realize that _talking_ to one of your peers counts as peer pressure, right?) Which is pretty much what just happened, so is that a yes? (…I dislike you sometimes.) And that is very harmful to my self-esteem, seeing how I'm me.

"So what's this about ninja trading cards?" I asked as I walked up to the grey-haired Genin.

"God dammit! They're ninja info cards you stupid mutt. Stop telling everyone they're trading cards!" Yakushi shouted in Kiba's direction. Well the cards make slightly more sense now, though I do wonder why you'd parade such a thing, considering that being known to have such a thing would make you a priority target. Although… that trading card idea isn't bad, I mean, as long as the information on the cards bear zero resemblance to reality, it sounds like it could make a decent collectable card game or something. (That, or we could make perfectly accurate cards, but only about enemies or dead people.)

"Sorry about that," Yakushi began after calming down, "It's just that you're the fifth person to approach me about 'trading cards' after I showed the cards to him."

"No harm done," I said with a shrug, "Can I take a look at your cards anyway? I'm thinking of making some actual trading cards."

"Using mine as a template?" I nodded, "Sure, is there anyone in particular whose card you'd like to look at?" Hmm… this implies that his pool of cards is large enough that whoever I wanted would probably have a card in there… suspicious. Well… time to kill two birds with one stone.

"Would you happen to have something on the Kusa-nin with the Uzumaki-red hair?" He raised an eyebrow at the phrase 'Uzumaki-red.' Not surprising, since I doubt very many of boss's generation even knows that red's the trademark Uzumaki hair color.

"That would be Uzumaki Karin. I took a Chunin Exam with her before, so her card is more complete than most." He took out a card from the middle of the deck before focusing some chakra into it, (that, or he just stared at a blank card for a few seconds, I'm going with the former because that sounds less… idiotic,) "Here you go."

Huh… too bad I have no frame of reference about her abilities. (I mean, is the pentagon of Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Genjutsu, Tool-usage, and Bloodline supposed to be an absolute scale, or relative to each ninja? I.e. would a ninja always have a stat that touches a side of the pentagon?) The general information section is more useful though. (Impressive healing abilities, the example used is healing a wound from a kunai that went _through_ her chest in minutes; sensor, as in, capable of sensing an average _Genin's_ reserves; and… unnaturally prone to punching teammates, apparently.) I wonder how Yakushi got her mission records though. (25 D, 16 C, 7 B, and 2 A ranks.)

"Thanks," I handed the card back to Yakushi, (though not before making a clone of it,) "Do you-"

"Hey Hikari," Boss began as he walked up, looks like he just barely made it, it's almost four, "What's with the orange trading card?" …Unfortunate turn of phrase there, boss.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!" Yakushi declared before attempting to strangle boss. Fortunately, he was interrupted by the sudden entrance of the first exam's proctors. (That, or a bunch of random ninja hobos who all happened to decide to Shunshin into the room at the same time.)

"Genin, settle down," The heavily scarred ninja leading the rest of the examiners ordered, "I am Morino Ibiki, your examiner for the first test." He paused to wait for everyone to claim a seat, "We will now begin the first portion of the Chunin exams. Everyone, take one of these tabs (he held up a stack of wooden tablets with numbers etched on them) and sit in the seat assigned to you." As opposed to, you know, the seat he waited for them to pick out.

While everyone was busy grumbling and getting their new seating arrangements, one of the proctors, who I recognized as one of the two Chunin guarding room 201 earlier, handed me a stack of test paper with instructions to pass them out after everyone's seated.

"Before you turn the test over," Morino began after I passed all the tests out, (after making a copy to see what the test is like,) "There are some important rules about the first test that I'm going to write on the board. First of all: everyone starts with ten points, but every wrong answer on the test subtracts one point from your score. Second: Whether you pass or fail will depend on the combined points of you and your teammates." Hmm, how vague… "Third: Anyone caught doing something sneaky, that is, cheating, will have two points deducted for each offense," Somehow, despite being more concrete, this rule is even less informative than the second one, I mean, I somehow doubt walking over to someone that finished his or her test and then swapping tests would be considered one 'instance' of cheating. "And finally: Anyone who loses all ten points will be failed and asked to leave… along with their teammates." …I think I know why Anko dislikes him now. Especially since he silenced any and all questions about the rules by shouting 'begin'. (And then theatrically subtracting two points from the idiot that kept talking anyway.)

Well… might as well take a look at the exam that we're totally not supposed to cheat through at all. Let's see… number one, decryption of an unknown code… what am I, a supercomputer? Number two, 'Line B is the killing range of a shinobi using shuriken while atop a seven meter tree, for enemies that appear within the range, explain attack options using this distance, show your work.' …What the heck kind of bastardized essay question is this? I mean, what am I even supposed to answer? I somehow doubt that 'summon shadow clone shuriken into the vital areas of anyone that appears' would be an acceptable answer. Number three… why is there a logistics problem here? I didn't go to ninja-college! (They have that?) I don't know, but where else would you get the knowledge to answer questions like these? …So _that's_ what the four years of reserve duty was for. The Old Man probably intended for boss to finish college with his mission pay before resuming his shinobi career. (The pencils he uses don't push themselves, you know.) But yeah… this test, not even close to being doable, except maybe number 10, but it just says the question will be revealed forty-five minutes after the test starts.

…

Well… I guess whoever designed this test forgot that everyone seated in the proctor's seats has a perfect view of everyone's tests, so I guess I can just summon a completed test to boss's table. Assuming he's fine with cheating, that is, which, given how he refused to copy from Hinata just now… Well, he can always just summon and dispel a clone if he wants me to do something. (Come to think of it, he isn't making clones as frequently as he used to, wonder why?) I guess I might as well start working on the ramen summoning seal again, only need a way to make it so that it only activates from a specific input of chakra. I mean, I can probably hack together something that works already, but it would probably activate any time boss or someone else uses a chakra-intensive technique nearby. (Needless to say, wasting ramen due to such a reason is nothing less than sacrilege.) That's what you get for trying to use the outer ring of symbols as chakra receivers rather than chakra differentiators, I guess. (Wasn't Yakushi's cards blank before he put chakra into them?) Hmm… they were, weren't they, and it required skin contact too.

Let's see… the front side's just data. (Not to mention the fact that it would be somewhat difficult to use a part of the card that changes color as the base of the seal.) I guess the seals, assuming that's what's keeping the cards blank normally, would be hidden in the kanji for 'nin' ('忍,' or 'endure') on the back. …Somehow I don't think that's what he's doing, since that would mean he painted the 'nin' on every single card after first painting an identical seal for each card. (I mean, if he had a hand that steady, the Konoha hospital or seal-master corps would probably be beating down his door with job offers right now.) Eh, I guess I can always ask him after this part of the exams is over with.

…

_Thus we may know that there are five essentials for victory: He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight. He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces. He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared. He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign._

_Hence the saying: If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle._

"O.K… we will now start the tenth question." …What? I took a quick glance at the clock, verifying that it's only thirty minutes in. Does the guy keep time by looking at the people he's torturing or something? "However, the tenth question has some additional rules." Kankuro choose this time to enter with the exam proctor that I definitely recognize as a Konoha Chunin and totally isn't a puppet in any way, shape, or form.

"Nice timing," Morino nodded at him as he walked in, "Did you find it useful to play with your doll?" Well that just blew my mind, and here I thought those lines down the examiner's eyes were just a birth defect, the lack of pupils because he's a Hyuuga, and the lack of emotion because he's the last Uchiha. (Since the other Uchiha were rather normal, at least when compared to the typical Hyuuga.) "Just sit down and listen. First of all: For this question… you must decide whether to take it or not." Like I need to decide whether to eat ramen or not? When the bowls right in front of me?

"Choose!?" Temari burst out, "What happens if we choose not to?"

"If you choose not to, your points will be reduced to zero." He paused to let this sink in, "So, of course, you fail!" Enter generic shouts about how one would obviously choose to take the question in that case.

Entered generic shouts about how one would obviously choose to take the question.

"However…" He drawled, obviously enjoying the agitation he's causing, "If you choose to take it, and answer incorrectly… You will lose the right to take the Chunin exams… forever." Considering the fact that it's technically possible for a Genin to become Hokage, this isn't really much of a threat. (It's an appointed position with no specific prerequisites, after all. Heck, wasn't the Old Man slated to be Hokage when _he_ was a Genin? I mean, he wasn't made Hokage until a lot later, but still.)

Oh yeah! This is the exact situation Anko told me about… Now where did I put the remote? Sigh… the one downside of carrying more equipment than can reasonably fit into an Olympic sized swimming pool… everything that I didn't put into the tags slated for quick access takes forever to find. Let's see… Q1, Q2, Q3… Q9, there we go.

"-I'll will myself to become Hokage anyway, so I don't care!"…Did I just miss one of boss's epic speeches while searching for the damn remote? "I am not afraid!" (Wouldn't you remember the speech anyway the next time he makes a Shadow Clone?) Eh, I guess, but still…

"…I'll ask one last time," Morino began, "Your future is riding on this decision, this is your last time to quit."

"I'll always keep my word," Boss retorted, "Because that's my Ninja Way!" (Hmm… this atmosphere feels familiar for some reason… like his very presence is enough to cast away the darkness.) Quiet please… trying to enjoy the moment here.

…

"Good choice," Morino began after a period of silence, "Now to everyone still remaining… I congratulate you on passing the first test!"

Well, time to press the big red button labeled 'Do Not Press.' (The green one too, but red's a better color.)

*BOOM*

…Why did I know she put explosives in that remote? Good thing I made a clone before hand. (It wasn't strong enough to seriously injure a typical shinobi, but it _was_ strong enough to dispel me.)

*Crash*

"This is no time to be celebrating!" Was she just sitting right next to the classroom or something? That wasn't even three seconds. "I am the examiner for the second test, Mitarashi Anko, now let's go!" Somewhat redundant, considering right behind her is a sheet stating: 'Second Exam Proctor: The Sexy and Single Anko Mitarashi.' (You know, I never did figure out how to use 'the' when translating to/from languages which don't have that particular definitive article.) …But we're speaking Japanese. (…)

"You might want to go with her," I began after the silence started becoming awkward, (Who knew these people wouldn't be a fan of dramatic entrances?) "I'm going to go ahead and start fixing the window now, and if anyone causes any further damage to the shinobi academy I work at… Let's just say you'd better hope that you can breathe when your lungs are filled with iron… in the shape of shuriken." Which is rather vague, since shuriken covers anything from ninja-stars to throwing knives, anything that can be hidden in a sleeve and used as a projectile, basically. (I wonder if you should kill someone as a demonstration? I mean, you don't exactly look threatening.)

"Weren't you dead?" One of the more observant Chunin hopefuls asked.

"I got better," Now there's an idea, since they don't seem inclined to leave at the moment… "Now, I know maybe one or two people in the class room can survive being blown to bits along with the room itself." I monotoned as I summoned explosive tags to cover the whole room. "So yeah… everyone out, or I detonate."

Unanimously deciding that it's probably not worth their lives to argue with the clearly insane blonde, everyone (wisely) decided to follow the better part of valor, and scurried out the room. Hmm, I need to follow Anko don't I… Eh, I guess a clone can handle the window repair; I still have the pane of glass from a week ago. With that thought in mind, I dispelled all the explosive tags before summoning a clone and handing her the storage seal with the window pane.

* * *

"Welcome to the Forty-Fourth Training Ground…" Anko announced as we reached a line of chain link fences, "Also know as… the Forest of Death."

…

"Well?" Kiba asked after we spent around five minutes just looking at the giant trees.

"Hmm." Anko absently went through the pockets in her coat and skirt, "Well… it looks like I forgot the release forms for the second part, so I guess all of you will have to come back here tomorrow. Make sure to show up before three. Bye!" She gave a cheery wave to me and boss before leaving via Shunshin.

"That was…" I began as I walked towards boss.

"Anticlimactic." He finished.

"Ramen?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Ah!"

"Anything wrong?" Boss asked after slurping up his current mouthful of noodles.

I shrugged, "I forgot to ask Yakushi about how he made it so that his ninja trading cards accept only his chakra." Not that important though, since the main difficulty, the remote activation of the 'seal' half of the storage seal is already done. The problem is just that the copy at Ichiraku's would randomly spit out the ramen whenever someone uses chakra nearby, due to the overactive 'release' half. (Maybe if I found something that was naturally impervious to chakra? Just have Ayame or Teuchi cover the seal with it when they're not storing a bowl?)

"Wasn't there something in the appendix about miscellaneous additions you can put on seals?"

"I thought you weren't 'allowed' to read the reference book?"

Boss ate another mouthful of ramen before shrugging, "I asked Kurenai-Sensei for her signature after showing her that I'm more or less on your level in terms of making seals."

"Sensei?"

"She taught me that stabbing myself frees me from basically any illusion. As long as, you know, I actually stab myself, rather than, say, imagine that I stabbed myself. …I hate genjutsu."

"…I hope that's not going to be your first choice when you need to dispel an illusion."

Boss shrugged, "If the shoe fits…" Well… researching how to break genjutsu from the outside just moved itself up a few notches on my priority list.

"So yeah… the second part of the exams is supposed to take a week or so. And it seems like Anko's going to have you all stay inside the forest for the duration." Boss nodded his agreement of the induction. (deduction is for people that aren't Grammar Nazis!) …What's a Nazi? (National Socialist, though the term has some …connotations I'm not going to go into right now.) "So… are you going to fine on foraging/hunting food for that time, or should I buy a week of groceries tonight?"

"I think it'd be better if I tried to live off the land, I mean, if I _can't_ do that, better to find out while still inside Konohagakure than while out on a mission in god knows where, right?"

* * *

"I've been meaning to ask this for a while now."

"Yes?"

"Why's the show called the Legend of _Zelda_ if we haven't even seen her yet, and it's like the fifth episode already."

"Well… it's always been called the Legend of Zelda. And LoZ sounds a lot better than the Legend of Link. But yeah, I have no idea."

"Another question. Why did he turn into a wolf?"

I shrugged, "Because it's awesome? I don't know, I don't write the stuff, I just watch it."


	18. Chapter 18

"Blondie."

"Yeah?"

"Would you happen to have some hot water in those storage seals of yours?"

"I have some ramen broth, if that counts."

"Not really… Kind of a big difference between tea flavored ramen and ramen flavored tea. One of the two isn't even tea." A pause. "Wait… I _saw_ you eating cup noodles after the other Genin left, where did you get the hot water for that from?"

I shrugged, "Chi manipulation. You grab a teapot, fill it with water, and then use inner chi manipulation to heat the water while pouring it."

"…What?"

"Wait, no, that's the wuxia story I'm reading." I waved the book at Anko before summoning the tag I used. "Here, just stick this in a cup. It activates on contact with water, two hundred kilojoules in five seconds."

"Cool," Anko purred as she threw the tag into a teakettle she was apparently carrying around in a storage seal. (I'd say that's kind of weird, but I'm carrying like five gallons of broth right now.) "One use only?" She asked after I dispelled the tag. (No point keeping the base summoned after the seal is expended, after all.)

"Yeah…The re-useable versions tend to multi-activate, which usually means explosions." That's what you get for making the seal contact activated rather than being activated from an influx of chakra.

Anko just shrugged before pouring herself a cup of tea, "We should probably make our way to the tower after I finish this. Wouldn't do for the head examiner not to be there when the faster candidates make it there, after all." …Ow, did you have to make so many clones boss? (Well… _you_ were the one that asked him not to use his wind techniques in combat before he could control them properly, so he didn't really have any other option.) …Shut up, brain. "You alright?" Anko asked as I summoned a clone to locate boss.

"Yeah…" I lowered my hand from my head, "Just a bit of memory backlash. Incidentally-"

"Trouble, Mitarashi-san." One of Anko's subordinates shunshined in, "Three bodies, and they're… odd. Please come." He bowed before heading back where he came from.

* * *

Hmm… wasn't this the other team from Kusa? "As you can see…" Kotetsu began, (he was one of the Chunin guarding room 201 yesterday, spiky hair, strip of bandage across his nose, and has a marking on his chin,) "Their faces are blank… as if they're melted off."

"Damn…" Anko muttered a few more curse words under her breath, "This is Orochimaru's work…" Well that explains the giant snake that ate boss, I guess. I was wondering where it came from. "Go inform the Hokage, and send any ANBU you find to the forest… I'm going after him. Blondie, don't follow me." I would've objected, but the sudden flare of the Kyuubi's chakra meant I was a bit busy trying to hold myself together.

…

The Kyuubi's chakra dispersed a bit too quickly, but it's only the second time I've felt it at all, so this observation is neither here nor there. Hmm… looks like everyone left already. Well… I suppose I might as well dispel myself, hopefully my clone managed to track boss down.

Line Break

"-Sasuke-kun will seek me…" Hmm… boss is incapacitated, the Uchiha just got one hell of a hickey, (no idea what that's supposed to do,) and Haruno is… well, Haruno. "To seek power." Well… I do believe it's time to execute the very best of the thirty-six stratagems: take boss and run like hell. "But what have we here?" He snapped his head in my direction, "Why don't you-" Huh, looks like a couple shuriken summoned to the heart interrupts a speech just as well as a kunai to the jugular.

"Now that's just rude…" He began after moving one of his hands over where his heart would be, (you'd think he'd die of blood loss due to the fact that his heart exploded, but apparently glowing green hand fixes everything,) "I only wanted to chat, why make it a matter of life and death?" He asked as I jumped down. (Though not before summoning some clones to get boss and his team out of the area.)

"You can consider it a form of respect, if you wish." He must really want to talk, considering he isn't even bothering to fight back while I engaged him in melee, just casually avoiding or deflecting all my strikes. "Since I'm more or less acknowledging that I _need_ surprise if I want even the barest minimum of chances." I added as I summoned explosive tags to where I touched him while being deflected. (Obviously I don't have any such limitation, but he doesn't know that.)

*Boom*

…I need a way to kill people that are perfectly fine after having their heart cut into pieces _and_ happen to take zero damage from enough explosions to level the average apartment building. "…Well I'm listening." I sighed as I went over the modifications I need to make to a storage seal so that it can seal living organisms. (A problem delayed forever… is solved. Make sure to add the modification so that time passes at the rate of one Planck time per second.)

"Good." He nodded slightly, "First question, would you happen to know where my dear little Anko is?" … (…) God I hope he isn't an actual pedophile. (That giving a hickey to a twelve-year-old thing _is_ awfully suspicious.)

"Hikari!?" …That's some amazing timing. "I though I told you not to follow me." She growled as she Shunshined between me and Orochimaru.

I shrugged, "It's not following if I got here first."

"It's true, you know." Orochimaru nodded, before smiling at Anko, "And how has the village been treating you, my dear little apprentice? I hope you've been well."

"Eat rocks and die, sensei." Anko spat out before turning towards me, (though not so much that she let her sensei out of her line of sight,) "Blondie, get the hell out of here."

"…" I stared at her for a few moments. "Yes ma'am…" I shot her a quick salute before starting towards where my clones dispelled.

* * *

Hmm… looks like Haruno's taking care of the Uchiha. Might as well check on boss and his seal, hopefully something which is designed to seal away an _immortal's_ chakra with the _Death_ God's power isn't unstable at all. (I know, right? Still a masterpiece though.) With my course of action decided, I unsealed one of my thermoses and poured some broth into the cap before setting it next to boss's prone form.

…

"Something smells nice…" Boss muttered as he rubbed his eyes sleepily, "…Hikari? What are you doing here?"

"I work here." I smirked at him.

"…Moving on." Boss shook his head a few times, "What happened to snake face?"

I handed boss the thermos of ramen broth before answering, "He won. That is, he did what he came out to do, with at most minor inconveniences while he did so. …I'm not even sure if any of us could've done more than that." It wouldn't even surprise me if he somehow managed to free himself immediately even if I sealed him into the storage seal. Oh well, at least his was a goal that didn't involve boss dying.

"I see…" Boss took a sip from the thermos, "Are they gonna cancel the exams? Temporary martial law in case of the appearance of S-ranked missing-nin and all that."

I shrugged, "Don't know, I'll send you a letter when I find out. Check the storage seal I gave you before you go to sleep." But we're getting off topic here, "Anyway, Naruto, strip. I need to check your seal." Shrugging, boss complied. "Channel some chakra please." I added.

Hmm… that's not supposed to be there. What kind of jerkwad would put an odd numbered seal on top of an even numbered sealing masterpiece? Well, might as well find out what it is.

…

Okay, according to The End of the World, the seal is called the Five Elements Seal, except, rather than using the 'Five Greats' ('五大,' or 'Godai', that is, Wind, Fire, Water, Earth, and Lightning) like the _other_ Five Elements Seal, it uses the 'Five Movements'. ('五行,' or "Gogyo,' that is, Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth.) On the plus side, that means one doesn't need to have all five elemental affinities to use the seal, (or to unseal the seal,) on the minus side… the book is the _sealmaster's_ reference, not the _sealbreaker's _reference. So yeah…

"Are we done yet?" Boss began, "Not that I don't appreciate the attention, but I'm getting kind of uncomfortable with you staring at my stomach for so long." Eh, quick and dirty solution it is, I mean, the elements of the five movements don't _exactly_ match up with those of the eight trigrams, but the fix only needs to last for the rest of the exam, anyway. (Ah capitalism, why learn to be a sealbreaker when you can _pay_ other people to do it for you?)

"Give me a moment," Let's see… if we use metal as lightning and wood as wind, we'd be missing… lake, mountain, and sky. Nodding to myself, I unsealed a brush and an inkwell. "Okay, Naruto, please lie on your back. I'm going to modify the Five Elements Seal a little." With that, I dipped the brush into the chakra infused ink, and started painted.

(How did that story, myth, poem, thing, about the Sage and the beginning of the world go again? Oh yeah:

In the beginning, the universe was formless and without limits;

Seeing this, the Sage set the boundaries of the world, and it was the Absolute;

And yet the Absolute was supreme without form, bounded but without substance;

Seeing this, the Sage divided it into Yin and Yang, the Darkness and the Light;

And yet the Yin and Yang continued to mix, for that was the way of the world, then;

Seeing this, the Sage divided Yang into the greater Yang and lesser Yang, the Sun and the Light;

Seeing this, the Sage divided the Yin into the greater Yin and Lesser Yin, the Moon and the Shadows;

With this, the Shadow beckoned the Light, and the Light cast the Shadow,

With this, the Moon reflected the Sun's radiance, and the radiance of the Sun sought the Moon's reflection;

Seeing this, the Sage created the Lake which surrounded the Earth, and was given the Heavens;

Seeing this, the Sage created the Mountain which pieced the Heavens, and was given the Earth;

Seeing this, the Sage united Heaven and Earth in himself, and brought forth Fire and Thunder, Wind and Water;

On his left hand, which grasped the Heavens, he held the powers of Flame and Lightning;

On his right hand, which held the Earth, he grasped the powers of Storm and Wave;

Thus was codified the elements, Heaven and Earth, Fire and Thunder, Wind and Water;

From this we derived his title, from this we learned his name, from this, the beginning of the world:

The Sage of Six Paths, 'The Rikudou Sennin,' '六道仙人.'

"Seal!" I lifted my face to bask in the moonlight. So… it's a full moon tonight as well, how… ironic. "Now…" I began as I sealed away the brush and inkwell, "If there's nothing else, I have somewhere I need to be." I finished, smiling down at what might have been the Sage's reincarnation, if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't believe in such a thing.

"Ah…" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "It's fine… I should pass the Chunin Exam with my own strength, right?" He puffed out his chest.

"Indeed," I agreed with a nod, "Take care." I finished with a smile. After checking to see that both the Uchiha and the Haruno were fit to continue the second exam, that is, that they were still breathing, I made my way to the tower in the middle of the forest.

* * *

"Blondie!" Anko greeted me as I let myself in, "Glad you could make it!"

"Was there ever any doubt?" I smiled at her.

"Well… no," She ate another Dango, "But it was getting boring without you."

"I am sorry to heart that," I bowed my head, "Incidentally, do you know if we're ending the exams and declaring martial law?"

"Hmm?" Anko munched on another Dango for a bit, "Oh, right, the S-ranked missing-nin thing, don't worry about it, the Exam's going to continue no problems." She ruffled my hair as she finished.

I nodded, "If you'll excuse me, I need to write Naruto a letter." With that, I turned to look for an unoccupied room in the tower.

"Hey!" Anko shouted as I made to leave.

"…Yes?"

"Are you… you know, alright?" She asked, concerned, "You seem a bit… off."

"It's probably a side effect of our run-in with your sensei earlier. I believe 'I' will be back to normal in a week or so."

"Ah, okay…" She walked up to give me a hug before distancing herself again, "Sorry... Take care, alright?"

I nodded, "I will." With that, I turned to look for a place to write the letter.

Line Break

"Halt!" A Chunin I do not recognize stopped me as I made my way through the tower, "Who goes there?"

Hmm… "I am the moon." I created a shadow clone.

"She is the moon."

"Right… and I'm Jiraiya of the Sannin."

"Are you?" I asked as I dispelled my clone.

He gave me a _look_, "No. Can I see your I.D.?"

"Of course." I nodded.

…

"…Show me your I.D."

"Here you go." I summoned a copy of my I.D. before handing it to him.

He shook his head before handing the I.D. back to me, "Now why didn't you do this in the first place?"

"You didn't ask." I replied as I made my way further into the tower.

* * *

Hmm… So there's a library here, convenient. After appropriating one of the tables, I used it to finish the letter informing Naruto about the non-declaration of martial law and the continuation of the Chunin Exam. With nothing else to do, I settled down to finish the wuxia story I was reading earlier.

…

…

…

"…You do know that when I told you to take care of yourself I meant stuff like make sure to go to bed early, eat properly, basically anything other than stuff yourself in the library and read an entire bookshelf during the night, right?" Anko asked from next to the stack of books I made.

I shrugged, "Considering I'm about as fine as I can be right now, I fail to see how that's an issue."

"…One of your eyes is red."

"Is it now…?" I summoned a mirror to see for myself. "Hmm… so it is. I suppose I'd better put an eye-patch over it." That said, I unsealed the first aid kit I was carrying and cloned the eye-patch inside. "There. Now, is there anything you need, Anko?"

"You're impossible sometimes, you know that?" She shook her head.

"…I exist."

"Ugh, just, go to one of the rooms, I think 109 is free, rest, and I'll have food delivered to you later. This is an order from your commanding officer."

"Yes ma'am." I saluted before heading towards the stairs.

Line Break

*Knock, knock*

"Yes?" I asked as I opened the door, "You know the door was unlocked, right?" I added as an afterthought.

"Here's your ramen, now if you'll please sign here to confirm I've delivered it within five minutes." A rather nondescript Jonin held out a pen and a mission scroll to me. "Also, I've found that it's usually a bad idea to break into places where a ninja sleeps… tends to be filled with more traps than the average evil overlord's fortress."

I tasted a bit of the broth to confirm that yes, it was less than five minutes from when the ramen left the pot. "Traps are for people that can't kill someone just by looking at them." I stated as I signed the scroll.

"Which is an even _better_ reason not to just enter someone's room without knocking first." He replied as he checked my signature. "Have a good day now." He nodded before leaving via Shunshin.

…

"I'm telling you! I smell ramen, and I'm not going to eat the crap they serve in the cafeteria if they have ramen here!"

"I find that very unlikely. Why? Because the equipment in the kitchen is unfit to cook something like ramen. Moreover, any missions involving Training Ground Forty-Four is automatically C-ranked or higher, thus making it highly improbable that someone would request a ramen delivery mission, considering it costs at least thirty-thousand ryo to do so."

"Ano... Maybe one of the Jonin here likes ramen a lot? It might be because they couldn't leave the forest because of the Chunin Exam and so sent a mission request for ramen delivery?"

"But that's what I'm getting at! The Jonin have rooms on the higher floors, this floor's just us and some of the Chunin, and I'm telling you, I smell ramen… right here!" He began banging on my door as he finished.

"Is there something you needed?" I asked as I opened the door. "Hello Hinata, Shino." I nodded at the other two.

The three of them just gave me a look that said: 'this explains _everything_' before Kiba let himself in. Seeing that the other two seemed uncomfortable about entering without being invited, I did so.

"Aww man, it's all gone!" Kiba exclaimed upon seeing the empty bowl, "Unless… I don't suppose you're going to order anymore ramen later?"

I shook my head no, "I wasn't the one who order this, Anko did." A pause, "I do have some ramen broth with me, if you're fine with just drinking the soup, however."

"Thanks Hikari!" Akamaru barked his agreement, "You're a lifesaver, I think I'd rather starve than eat more of the tasteless crap they call 'food' here."

"Arigatou gozaimasu." Hinata bowed as I gave a thermos to both her and Shino, who responded with a simple 'thank you.'

"So…" Kiba began after stowing the thermos away, "Shouldn't you be busy doing… whatever it is that the exam's proctors are supposed to be doing?"

I shrugged, "I'm supposed to be resting now, so no, not really."

"Ah! I'm sorry," Hinata leapt up from where she was sitting, "I didn't realize we we're bothering you." With that, she dragged her two teammates out the door before I had a chance to get a word in. Shrugging, I unsealed The End of the World and began reading it.


	19. Chapter 19

"Ah…" Well that's unfortunate. Looks like my sudden irrational desire to burn every tree I can get my hands on caused me to make a mistake in my brushwork. "Well…" I began, talking to no one, unless one counts the birds currently nesting in my room, "Something as stupid as a 'Godtree' probably doesn't exist, so I doubt random acts of arson will solve anything."

After shaking my head clear of the obviously insane thought, I set my brush down on its rest before taking out a marker. Let's see… where did I make the mistake again?

"Hikari!" Boss's voice rang out, "You in there? Anko said you were in room 109."

"The door's unlocked." I replied after shooing the birds out of my room, "You're here early." I remarked as he opened the door.

"How so?" He asked as he entered. "It's the third day already. …Unless you're referring to the fact that it's not dawn yet?" He elaborated after jumping into my bed.

I shrugged, "The hero is supposed to arrive at the last second. So it's somewhat expected that you'd make your way here around the afternoon of the fifth day."

"Huh… Would it still count as arriving at the last second if I sneaked out now and returned around that time?"

Smiling, I gave a negative shake of my head, "Defying people's expectations is also, somewhat ironically, what people expect from a hero, so don't worry about it." I looked down at the 'key' I was working on again. "Can you toss me the magnifying glass? It's on top of the nightstand. Thanks."

"No problem. What're you working on, anyway?"

Deciding that it would be easier to just show him, I dispelled the four kunai holding down the rectangular piece of paper before rolling it up and carrying it with me to the bed. "It's what would be called a 'key' to that seal of yours." I began as I sat on the edge of the bed, "Well… calling it a key implies that it can 'unlock' the seal, that is, let K… let the Kyuubi out. But that's impossible in your case, letting the Kyuubi out just by 'turning' the seal using the 'key' would be analogous to trying to drain the ocean by opening a kitchen faucet that was connected to it… theoretically possible but physically unfeasible." I shrugged as I looked the 'key' over with the magnifying glass. "It was more of an intellectual exercise than anything, trying to reverse engineer the 'key' with what I know about the Eight Trigrams Seal, kind of like playing with a puzzle to pass the time." Satisfied with how the 'key' looked, I rolled it up before putting in one of my storage seals.

"Huh…" Boss tilted his head slightly, "Anyway… what's with the eye-band-aid you're wearing?"

"Call it an eye-patch please." I replied, "And I'm obviously trying to develop a Dojutsu with it. That's how eye-techniques work, right? You cover one of your eyes and then you magically end up with a Dojutsu."

"Really..."

I shrugged, "That theory is three for three right now by my count. And it would be four for four once I take off the eye-patch and give my explanation of my 'unique' Dojutsu." For some definitions of unique, and 'Dojutsu', '瞳術', or 'eye-technique'. "Hell, I can probably argue that it's stronger than each of the three 'great' Dojutsu, and equal to any two of them combined." I smiled at boss as I finished.

Now getting an inkling of where I was going, boss recoiled slightly in mock horror. "Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going… I'm allergic to puns."

"Good thing there's some antihistamine in the first-aid kit then, right?" I unsealed said kit just in case he isn't joking. "But alas, this train wreck is going exactly where I think you think it's going." I stood up dramatically. "For you see… I posses the mystic eyes… of _depth perception_." While it's customary to remove the eye-patch at this point, I opted not to do so, since my left eye is still red rather than the 'normal' blue.

"Urk," Boss stretched one of his hands before him before lying down as if he took a fatal wound, "Alas, my plot armor was of insufficient thickness to defend against that horrible pun. …I am slain." The effect was somewhat ruined, however, since he took a moment cover himself with the duvet before closing his eyes.

"Sweet dreams." I gave him a cheery wave as I left the room. With a soft sigh, I closed the door behind me and made my way to the cafeteria.

* * *

"Hey Hikari." Anko waved a stick of Dango at me as I joined her, and her many plates of Dango, at one of the dining tables, "Want some Dango?"

"Thanks," I set the proffered stick on my plate of Chinese donuts, "I'd offer you some of these in return," I pointed at the plate, "But they're kind of flavorless if you don't dip them in something, and I only had time to make one bowl of salty soy milk before they kicked me out of the kitchen." Turns out, it's slightly difficult to threaten the cooks with sharp objects if they went to ninja culinary school. …Can't believe one of them managed to stuff twenty kitchen knives in one of his sleeves. "Apparently they make everything taste bland intentionally. Something about not wanting to cause mass hysteria because of some idiot or another thinking one of the flavoring they used is some kind of rare, lethal, poison." You'd think people worried about poison would make their own food, but apparently not.

"…Huh." Anko gave a slight shrug, "Anyway, I hope you're recovered enough to sit in front of a TV for the entire day today, because that's what we're going to be doing. I love my job, being paid to just lie around and eat Dango."

"And occasionally fight S-ranked missing-nin because someone fumbled the random encounter roll." I took a moment to dip one of my 'donuts' in my bowl of soy milk before continuing, "What happened anyway? I doubt you won, since it _is_ one of the 'Legendary Three Ninja,' but you seem like the type to keep fighting until you're dead. And you're… not, which I'm thankful for, by the way."

"Aww… I love you too, blondie." She ruffled my hair for a bit before frowning slightly, "But I'm afraid the business between me and my sensei is a bit personal." She took a bite out of a new stick of Dango before continuing, "Although… I'll consider telling you how I got my ass handed to me if you tell me why one of your eyes is red." She finished with a grin.

I shrugged, "Sure, basically-" Anko covered my mouth before I could finish speaking, so I settled with giving her a quizzical look.

"You don't have to tell me _now_," She gave a soft sigh, "Did you trade your common sense for that eye-patch or something?" She gestured towards the people sitting at the tables around us, "Public cafeteria. Kind of a bad place to talk about even semi-sensitive subjects, don't you think?"

I shrugged, "Alright then." With that, I turned my attention back to breakfast. Hmm… too bad I didn't have the time to make some scallion pancakes.

* * *

"Alright blondie," Anko began as we entered the surveillance room at the eastern edge of the tower, "Spill." She finished as she slid into one of the chairs.

"How is this any better than the cafeteria?" I asked as I opened the windows.

"You mean aside from the people who were eating breakfast?" Anko adjusted the backrest before leaning back and putting her feet on the counter in front of the CCTV monitors, "It would be a bit rude to sit like this in public, don't you think?"

I shrugged, "If you say so…" I held out my left arm, "I don't suppose you'd understand from just this?" I asked after a kestrel landed on my forearm. Hmm… I thought _F. alopex_ were native to the Land of Wind. Maybe the Jonin for Gaara's team is a falconer?

"Errm… I'm afraid you've lost me." Anko replied with a shake of her head. "Cute bird, didn't know you kept pets. It fits you though." She finished with a smile.

"…Thanks. But it's not mine, owning a bird… caging a falcon… isn't so different from killing it." A bird without freedom can't rightfully be said to be a bird, I think. "But I'm sure you've noticed that birds tend to hang out around me, right?"

"Well… yeah." She gave a slight shrug, "But isn't that because you feed them? …Unless that thirty-pound bag of sunflower seeds you bought when I saw you at the supermarket was for something else?"

I laughed out loud, causing the kestrel to bolt from the room in alarm, "Sorry," I gave a negative shake of my head, "But birds don't like me because 'I' feed them sunflower seeds. 'I' give them sunflower seeds because they like me."

Anko shot me a doubtful look, "Why do they like you then? I doubt it's because your affinity is wind, Kurenai would've told me if Asuma was a literal chick magnet."

I nodded, "Or rather, it's not _just_ because one of my primary affinities is wind. It's the combination of that and a high affinity for Senjutsu which attracts birds." I shrugged, "So if Jonin Sarutobi decided to live like a hermit for a couple decades or so in a place where natural energy is concentrated, he'd also end up attracting birds."

"Huh… you don't look like you're thirty though." Anko voiced the obvious problem with my explanation.

"I'm not," I nodded, "I was… 'born'… with an uncommonly high affinity. It's kind of like being born with an elemental affinity for 'nature,' though it's more common among people of Senju or Uzumaki descent, and _maybe_ Uchiha depending on how you want to look at it."

"'Maybe' the Uchiha?" Anko asked as I sat down on a chair next to hers.

"Truthfully speaking, the Uchiha can be considered to have the _highest_ affinity for Senjutsu."

"I sense a 'but' in there." She interjected.

I nodded, "This may or may not surprise you, but using techniques beyond your capabilities tends to cut your lifespan like a crazy lumberjack dual-wielding chainsaws." Huh… wonder where that analogy came from. "Basically, using Senchakra comes like breathing to the Uchiha even without any training, but if they want to be able to use Senjutsu without eating up chunks of their lifespan they need to train just as long, if not longer, than everyone else."

"Okay," Anko nodded as she digested the information, "But what does all of that have to do with your eyes?"

"Due to certain… circumstances, I'm currently above the level of chakra I can reasonably sustain, that is, I lose more energy from just existing than I gain from eating and rest. While I _could_ simply allow it to drop far enough so that my energy intake matches the rate of expenditure... The name _Orochimaru_ should tell you why I would rather use the ambient natural energy than just letting my 'excess' reserves leak out."

"So basically…" Anko began lazily, "Your eyes are red because a wizard did it. I mean, because Senjutsu."

I nodded, "Sounds about right," At least, if you're speaking English, sage/Sennin '仙人' and wizard '魔術師' are completely different things in Japanese, however. "So what happened when you fought the snake wizard?"

Anko grimaced before rubbing the back of her neck, "Short story shorter, the jackass apparently included a paralysis effect in this damned cursed seal of his." She pointed at the spot where she rubbed earlier, "So after I was made aware of that unpleasant surprise, he just told me to warn his sensei against ending the Chunin Exams, threatening to attack Konoha from sheer boredom if there's nothing on." Anko shrugged, "You'd think he'd gain some patience in old age, but apparently not." She smirked, "And that's about it, fair trade for a lecture on Senjutsu, right?"

"So… are you not going to fight him anymore? If he can paralyze you at will, there's not much point for you to take him on, right?"

"Hah! No." Anko smirked, "I'm going after him again as soon as I get this thing off me. I didn't do it before because he told me I didn't have the right mindset to use it. In retrospect, leaving it alone just because of that was kinda dumb, but…" She shrugged, "Hindsight's twenty/twenty. Say… you've read up on seals, right? Got any advice on seal breaking?"

"You ever heard the saying: 'Knowledge can open some doors, but brute force is a master key?'" I began, "What I know about seal breaking can pretty much be summed up in that statement. All you need to do is pump about two orders of magnitude more chakra than the Sealmaster put into the seal when he or she made it. Which is easy enough, all you need is a friendly enough Bijuu or a large enough number of shinobi." I shrugged, "The problem, of course, is that once the seal breaks, the excess chakra is going to go into your chakra coils, killing you. No ifs or buts, maybe if it was only something like ten or twenty times your maximum chakra reserves you'd be able to get out of it with simply being unable to use ninjutsu ever again, but we're talking a hundred times the chakra of an S-ranked ninja here."

"Is that all?" Anko smirked, "You've already told me a method of accomplishing that, you know." She sighed, "Though that would mean I'm going to be out of the village for a few years, which was the original reason I refused to learn Senjutsu from the White Snake Sage."

"Hmm…" I stayed silent for a bit, before nodding, "I suppose it's expected that you'd have a high natural affinity for it, considering you survived the application of a Senjutsu based seal."

"…What"

"The 'cursed seal' on shoulder. It's been leaking minute amounts of Senchakra the whole time, not enough to be detectable ordinarily, but I'm more sensitive to Senchakra than most."

"…And you didn't think to tell me this earlier?" Anko gave me an exasperated look.

"That would've been rude. You didn't talk to me about the seal until now, so I assumed it's private."

"…"

* * *

"What took you?" Anko asked after I carried my plate of chow mein to the table, weaving my way through the other occupants of the room as I did so. "I doubt it takes you an entire hour to make chow mein."

"It doesn't," I agreed, "But I had the sudden urge to punch a bear while I was washing the vegetables, and the trip for that took me half an hour. I bought some yokan on the way back though, want some?"

"Sure," She nodded, "By the way, where's Naruto? I would've thought that you two would eat together."

I unsealed the block of yokan and cut off a strip about an inch wide before answering, "Sleeping, most likely." I paused for a moment. "Ah, nevermind, looks like he just woke up. Want to eat in my room then? He'd probably be fine with cup ramen." I resealed the slab of left over yokan as I finished.

"So the first thing he does after he wakes up is go to your room?" Anko asked with a small smile.

I shrugged, "More like the zeroth thing in this case." I paused, narrowing my eyes, "Wait, the way you worded that… Does that mean he was supposed to get his own room?"

Anko laughed as she picked up her tray, "Well, yeah." She shrugged, "Not my fault he didn't know though, _he's_ the one that dashed off after asking me for your room number."

* * *

"-so after beating them around like a couple of piñatas, and collecting the three scrolls that fell out, two earth scrolls and one heaven" Boss mimed holding up a couple of scrolls, "Sasuke just had to wake up with some weird ass body-paint thing going on. Long story short, I took a fireball to the knee, arms, and general bodily area… Good thing I kept my storage seals in my fire-proof equipment pouch, or I'd be walking around half naked right now. …Anyways, Sakura managed to trap him in that earth technique thing where you pull someone down so they're trapped up to the neck."

"Double Suicide Decapitation." Anko interjected.

"Yeah," Boss nodded, "That thing. So we waited for him to calm down before making our way here. And that's about it, I think." Seeing that his cup ramen is done cooking, boss proceeded to dig in.

…

"So…" Anko began as she finished off the last of her miso soup, "We probably need to head back to work now, if I leave my clone active any longer I'm going to have a major headache later."

I nodded as I stood up, "I'll see you later Naruto." I waved him goodbye before summoning a clone to take care of the dishes.

"Oh yeah," Anko paused before leaving the room and turned towards boss "We'll probably be holding a preliminary round after the second phase is done, since we really only expected about three or four teams to pass the second phase, just a heads up." She shrugged, "Usually the top contenders use this phase to clear the rabble, so to speak, but that wasn't the case this year."

* * *

"…I'm bored," Anko began, "Blondie, you bored?"

"Not particularly," I shrugged while keeping my attention focused on the twenty CCTV monitors in the room, "I'm not really the type to _be_ bored."

"Because you can always just take a detour to punch a bear, right?" She grinned, "Actually, can you watch the room by yourself for a bit? I'm gonna go do just that."

* * *

"In retrospect," Anko began as she jumped through the window, "I probably should've remembered that the bears here are a match for most Genin before looking for the biggest, baddest, bear in the forest."

"It that why you took so long?" I asked without turning my head, "It's almost dark now."

"Huh? Well, sort of," She shrugged, "After I knocked Mr. Scarface down it seemed like every bear in a five kilometer radius bum rushed me, and I thought it would be rude to just leave without punching everyone at least once, and before I knew it, it was late in the afternoon."

"I… see?"

Anko gave a dismissive wave of her hand, "Doesn't matter anyway, my shift's over, so let's go get something to eat.

* * *

"Excuse me," A new voice interrupted our conversation about whether or not Konoha should be recruiting bears as shinobi, "I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have an abundance of hard-boiled eggs, so I was wondering if it was alright to share some with me?" Hmm… he doesn't _look_ like he's going to randomly attack us.

"Hey!" Boss pointed at the newcomer, "Aren't you the Jonin-sensei of those Sound-nin? Since they work for Orochimaru, what's to say you don't either?"

"Not at all," the 'Jonin' from Oto, '音,' or sound, replied, "I can honestly say I've never worked, nor will I ever work for Orochimaru." He gave a slight smile, "I'm Yashagoro, at your service." He finished with a bow.

"Well…" I began, "You certainly don't look like someone who's _going to be_ corrupted by snake magic. I'll give you that." I slid the bowl of hard boiled eggs closer to him, "Knock yourself out, I might gone a bit overboard in cooking an entire carton of eggs anyway."

"Wait," Anko waved her chopsticks at Naruto as 'Yashagoro' set his tray down next to the eggs, "The Sound Genin were working for Orochimaru? Why didn't you tell me that? We need to take them in for questioning."

"Can you really?" Their sensei asked, "I've always thought that Konoha followed some weird Diplomatic Immunity thing where I, as the Jonin liaison from Otogakure, could attempt to kidnap say… the Hyuuga princess and the Last Uchiha and there's isn't anything your ninja could do about it." He shrugged before biting into one of the hardboiled eggs, shells and all, "I mean, just take the signing of the peace treaty with Kumogakure ten years ago as an example, their diplomat tried to kidnap said princess and was killed for his transgression. And then, for no apparent reason, Konohagakure killed one of its top Jonin as recompense."

"Well…" Anko began slowly, as if not in complete agreement with what she's about to say, "Kumo _was_ threatening war unless repayment was made for the death of one of their top ninja."

"Kukuku," the 'Jonin' gave a dismissive wave of his hand, "Proper repayment, such as it were, would be the death of the perpetrator: Hiashi Hyuuga. Given that he's alive and walking as of this moment, I think it's obvious that it wasn't the case, and his twin brother, Hizashi Hyuuga, was made to take his place." He paused to pick up another egg, "Now, if Kumo was _really_ going to restart hostilities over such a matter, do you think they're more or less likely to do so after Konoha deliberately lowered her fighting abilities? There's a reason the defection rate of Konoha ninja is so high you know, because there's so many of you, the village doesn't really care about treating you like crap." He smiled, "Instead, why not join Otogakure after your contract with Konoha expires? While we're something of a new village, I can promise, at least, that neither I myself nor the leader of my village would spend your lives on sheer vanity."

…

"Well…" He started speaking again since it looked like none of us were going to say anything, "It seems I've hit something of a sore spot, so let's talk about something different." He pointed at boss while swallowing an egg whole, "From what you've said, I take it that you've fought with my protégés, yes? And considering you're in the tower right now, I'm going to assume you've won, hopefully without killing them, since experience in facing someone stronger than you is hard to come by, since most ninja die of it." He paused to pick up the last egg in the bowl, "What I'm really trying to ask is this, since you've beat them, you must've seen some of what they can do, correct? So did you see any obvious weaknesses they need to correct, any habits that can be exploited? It's my job as their sensei to fix those things, after all."

"I didn't really see all that much, actually, all I did was ambush them with my clones when they were hiding behind some bushes, probably trying to me and my team." Boss shrugged, "Sorry I couldn't be more help."

"Oh no," the Oto-nin replied, "That's plenty already. Obviously they need more work on stealth and observation you noticed them but they didn't notice you." He paused, "It could also be arrogance, I suppose, but I'm sure the beating you've probably given them cured them of that." He nodded to himself as he finished.

Following that, we spent the rest of the meal making small talk about nothing in particular.

* * *

"Hey," Boss began while I was walking him to his room, "About what that Jonin said about the Konoha treating her ninja like crap. What's your take on it?"

"…" I gave a soft sigh, "I would like you ask that you defer that question for now. Please ask me again after a week or so. Though if you _really_ want an answer now, I'll tell you what I think about it."

"It's fine," Boss shook his head, "But why would a week? I doubt you'd change your mind or anything."

I shrugged, "I might."

"Alright then."

…

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Naruto." I waved at him as I turned to head towards my room.

"See you later," Boss nodded, "I guess we'll meet in the cafeteria for breakfast?"

"Sure."


End file.
